[lillyo]

My ex whom I recently broke up with was extremely abusive, controlling, and jealous. I got pregnant and after one of our fights I decided it was best for him to stay out of mine and the babies life, which was hard for me as Family was always a huge part of my up bringing. I feel bad but I know I'd feel worst if he had stayed, so he left happily back to where he was living and resumed to drinking, smoking weed, and partying. Needless to say he promised to get a paternity test done when the baby is born, to prove that it's his, and to be a part of his/her life regardless of what I or his family wants or what may be best for the baby. There is also a history of sexual abuse in his family that he was involved in and I am truly scared that one way or another he will harm or do damage to my child in some way, shape, or form. I was told that if I don't put his last name on the birth certificate that he will have no rights to issue a paternity test or be involved with my family. Is this true? Is this my best option? I know I have some time before the baby is born because he is on conditions to not contact me, as he was charged with a domestic assault towards me. We've tried to make it work so many times, and even though sometimes it seems he has changed for a bit, it never lasts. I gave up and now that a little one is involved I do not want them growing up around violence or constant fighting. It's my main and number one priority to give my baby a good life full of love and protection.

I'm scared that he will come after me and prove that it's his, does he have any grounds to do this? And if so, how can I stop it from happening?

[JudyKayTee]

Anyone can ask a Court to order DNA testing. It's done all the time for the reason that a father is not on the birth certificate and wants to prove he is the father. As the father he has legal rights where the child is concerned, and he also has a responsibility to support the child. The two issues are not related - he can pay support and not have visitation or custody.

You cannot keep him out of the child's life unless you can PROVE he is a danger to the child, either mentally or physically. Sexual abuse in his family does not make him unfit, unless, of course, he's the abuser.

And now the harsh part - this is what happens when you have a child with an irresponsible man who engages in illegal or risky behavior. You knew none of this when you were having sex with him? The Courts are taking a dim view of women who consider a man to be qualified to be a sex partner but then not qualified to be in the life of his child.

[lillyo]

Thanks. I was only with him for six months... I was not fully aware of "who" he was and he managed to play a good guy for quite a long time. But yes, thank you for the answer.

[JudyKayTee]

He basically has rights at this point but cannot exercise them until there is proof he is the father and he goes to Court and gets those rights awarded to him.

He's not the first or last guy who fooled someone - I met my share!

Have you asked the Court for child support? DNA will be ordered, and perhaps now, when he's drugging and drinking is a good time to go to Court for visitation. If he's not "straight" he will be at a legal disadvantage.

Good luck.