[wendy1795]

If you were never involved in the child's life and never signed the birth certificate. She put your name on it. Her husband raised him and provided for him. What are your rights if she decides to come after everything you got, because nbow he is divorcing her.

[cdad]

Im not quite understanding the question. So lets look at it this way. If she was married at the time the child was born then the husband is the legal (presumed) father of the child. With that comes all the resposibility also.

As far as another being the bio dad then they may or may not be liable for anything depending on the laws of your state. Has a paternity suit been filed?

[ScottGem]

Its not about rights, its about obligations. Also it depends on where you are as laws vary by area.

If they were married at the time of birth then the husband is generally presumed to be the father. But if the mother put someone else's name on the birth certificate, that may take precedence. It also depends on the age of the child and how long the husband has raised them.

Worse case scenario, the bio father will be on the hook for support from the time she files. The father needs to consult an attorney.

[AK lawyer]

In any state with which I am familiar, an unmarried mother cannot just put the name of any Tom, D1ck, or Harry on her child's birth certificate without the consent of the supposed father. Are you sure that this is how it happened?

[wendy1795]

This has been a complete nightmare the last 2 weeks. I have talked to her on the phone. Polite and saying she does not want my husband work it out, blah blah blah. However she still contacts him. And when he tells her I am not leaving my wife she gets upset and starts throwing this at him in text messages. OK we are in Florida. They had talked and agreed to termintate the prgnancy it was high risk due to age. SHe contacted him 6 months later and said I couldn't do it. Its to late now. He said I will not and cannot be a part of this baby. SHe said that's fine. Dave(her husband) is going to raise him. Then at the hopital he got real mad and said he wanted a divorce and she got scred and put my husbands name on the birth certificate. My husband was furious. Now he is trapped. Later she told him they worked it out and Dave wanted to adopt him. My husband said fine. We that pretty much when everything started and she got mad cause he was willing to sign adoption papers. The it got worse. I found out 2 yrs later and we decided to work it out. 20 yrs of marriage is not something to throw away. Believe me I am pissed but she has done nothing but blame my husband for everything from the affair to the baby. Now she also has not contacted him in 2 yrs. Now that I know, she was hoping I would leave him I guess. When he said we were working it out she got upset and started saying she was going to get him for child support and medical bills. Child is very sick. Now husband is divorcing her and she has started again. She asked him if he would leave me to be with her now that Dave is gone. My husband said I told you 2 yrs ago and nothing has changed I will and do not want to be with you. I am staying with my wife. SHe threw a fit and it started all over. Fed up and really need some advice here.

[ScottGem]

...He said I will not and cannot be a part of this baby. ...Now he is trapped.

Sorry, but 1) he had no choice about being a part of that baby and 2) he was trapped the moment he had sex with her.

He made the decision to have sex with her and when he made that decision he took on the responsibility for any pregnancy that ensued. Now he is paying the price for that decision.

Here's the law on paternity: Statutes & Constitution :View Statutes : Online Sunshine

I didn't go though this too closely, but I see no limit on how long a paternity challenge can be mounted. On the other hand I did see criminal penalties for falsifying paternity as this woman did. On the other hand, if she was married at the time, the husband is the presumed father.

Your husband needs an attorney to figure out how to deal with this. But if he takes the position that he wants nothing to do with the child, the courts will not like it.

[wendy1795]

In any state with which I am familiar, an unmarried mother cannot just put the name of any Tom, D1ck, or Harry on her child's birth certificate without the consent of the supposed father. Are you sure that this is how it happened?

yes from what he tells me and she said the same thing. She was go into put her husbands name down. He said on the day if delivery I am leaving I won't stay so she got upset and put my husbands name on the birth certificate.

[wendy1795]

Im not quite understanding the question. So lets look at it this way. If she was married at the time the child was born then the husband is the legal (presumed) father of the child. With that comes all the resposibility also.

As far as another being the bio dad then they may or may not be liable for anything depending on the laws of your state. Has a paternity suit been filed?

No but she keeps threatening. She says now she just wants him to ask about him every now and then. So he ask every week. Seems like every 2 weeks she gets pissed and threatens again. We are done and have told her do what you got to do. Just tired of the threats. But like I said she did not start tihis until I found out. I think it's because he was being nice so to speak to her so that I wouldn't find out. Well she texted him with a pic and I seem it. So he told her I found out and now she won't leave us alone. Should we get a restraining order. It's only text right now, but she keeps asking to see him to talk and he won't. He hasn't seen her since that night and she is pissed about it. It has been 2 years.

[ScottGem]

This is a bit hard. If your husband refuses to be a part of his child's life, that won't sit well with the court. On the other hand she shouldn't be allowed to harass you. I'm not really sure how to resolve those two issues. Consulting an attorney might help.

Going to court for visitation with an arrangement to have a third party hand over the child might be a way to go.

[Synnen]

The first thing you should do is get a lawyer to advise you.

What you SHOULD do it preempt the woman and go to court to establish paternity and at the very least, child support payments.

Whether your husband wanted it or not, he has a child, and he has an obligation to support that child. It should absolutely not fall back on the taxpayers to pay for the child's upbringing and medical care.

You cannot "make this go away". It's NEVER going to go away. The child exists, and frankly your husband is kind of a jerk to 1. Cheat on you and 2. Deny the child any father figure simply because he was too wrapped up in his little head to prevent the child from existing in the first place. He had no right to expect or demand an abortion. Once he had sex, he was consenting to fatherhood.

SO--Get a lawyer. Go to court. Establish paternity. Set up child support. Set up visitations.

And most of all--accept that this child is NOT going to "go away" and start figuring out how to open your heart. Anything less makes YOU a bad person and your husband an irresponsible jerk.

[ScottGem]

You cannot "make this go away". It's NEVER going to go away. The child exists, and frankly your husband is kind of a jerk to 1. Cheat on you and 2. Deny the child any father figure simply because he was too wrapped up in his little head to prevent the child from existing in the first place. He had no right to expect or demand an abortion. Once he had sex, he was consenting to fatherhood.

I do have to mildly object to point 2. I don't see he has denied the child a father figure. The mother was married and her husband, apparently agreed to accept the child. It is only now they they are divorcing, that her husband is denying the child, so the mother is falling back on the OP's husband.

Otherwise I agree with you.