[Homegirl 50]

If this man is a close family friend, that is all the more reason he should tell your parents if he is a decent person.

[OKskater]

If this man is a close family friend, that is all the more reason he should tell your parents if he is a decent person.

He has told me he wants to, but I feel that it's my responsibility to do so.

[Homegirl 50]

FYI, we have NOT slept together yet and don't plan on it for a while. We've discussed it and both agree that we want to do other stuff first - hiking, camping, going to movies, etc.

So what have you been doing up to now? This man is going to take you away from your family, across the country and be completely celibate with you. Sure!

He has told me he wants to, but I feel that it's my responsibility to do so.

No he is the adult, he is the one who is crossing the line. He should tell them. Do your parents know you are dating this man?

[J_9]

FYI, we have NOT slept together yet and don't plan on it for a while. We've discussed it and both agree that we want to do other stuff first - hiking, camping, going to movies, etc.

This is a complete and total indication of your lack of maturity. This is how groomers draw the children into their grand scheme.

[J_9]

I've gone hiking, camping, movies and still had sex!

OKskater, we are not trying to be mean/cruel to you, we are just trying to teach you the ways of the world, and perverts.

At 17 you are still very naïve, you still have a LOT to learn. You should be learning these life's lessons with a boy your age.

[Alty]

I won't reiterate what everyone else has already stated, but I do agree with them.

I just want to add something. I live in Canada as well. British Columbia is beautiful. Why in the world would you want to leave BC to move to Newfoundland? Have you ever been to Newfoundland? Trust me, BC is much nicer.

No offense to any Newfies, but I'm sure you'll agree if you read this.

[OKskater]

I won't reiterate what everyone else has already stated, but I do agree with them.

I just want to add something. I live in Canada as well. British Columbia is beautiful. Why in the world would you want to leave BC to move to Newfoundland? Have you ever been to Newfoundland? Trust me, BC is much nicer.

No offense to any Newfies, but I'm sure you'll agree if you read this.

I HATE it in British Columbia. The weather is depressing and gross. I'd rather go to Newfoundland and learn that I don't like it, than never try.

[Alty]

I HATE it in British Columbia. The weather is depressing and gross. I'd rather go to Newfoundland and learn that I don't like it, than never try.

Oh, I promise you'll hate it. I'd kill to live in British Columbia. My dream town would be Penticton. Love it there. But I'm stuck in Alberta.

I've heard of many people trying to leave Newfoundland, I've never heard of anyone willingly moving to Newfoundland.

But then, it's nice and far from your parents, so that you'll have no one to turn to, nowhere to run. That's exactly what he wants. He's smart.

So, when things go horribly wrong with this guy, who will help you all the way in Newfoundland?

[J_9]

I'd rather go to Newfoundland and learn that I don't like it, than never try.

I can understand that. I moved from the lower 48 United States to Alaska, for the experience. I get that. I've done it.

However, you have to make better choices. This pervert is not the right choice for you.

[OKskater]

But then, it's nice and far from your parents, so that you'll have no one to turn to, nowhere to run. That's exactly what he wants. He's smart.

So, when things go horribly wrong with this guy, who will help you all the way in Newfoundland?

Well actually, it was my idea to move there...

[J_9]

You are really too young to move across country by yourself. What is going to happen when he rapes you? Hurts you? Who will you have to turn to?

[Alty]

Look I get it. You're 17, you think you're mature, you think you know everything, you think you can handle anything that comes your way. I really get it, I was 17 once too, we all were. Boy, if I knew half as much as I thought I knew back then, I could have saved myself a world of hurt.

There are some things you have to learn the hard way, but I really don't think this has to be one of them. I get that you feel you're in love with this guy. Have you ever asked yourself why a 27 year old man would be interested in a child?

You're in two different stages of your life. What happens when you get older? He doesn't like women, he likes children. You'll be replaced with another child he can groom to his liking, unless you learn to obey very quickly, then he may keep you around and just have a girl on the side.

Moving far away from your parents is ideal for him. Of course he didn't hesitate to say yes when you said you wanted to move. He'll have you alone, all alone, he can start training you to be exactly what he wants you to be.

When push comes to shove, we can only tell you how we see this situation. We're not saying these things to be mean, we're saying them because we've lived long enough to know how the world works. It's foolish not to listen to people that are older than you that may just know what's going on better than you do. If you really are mature enough to move away, then you're mature enough to at least consider what you're being told here.

If he really loves you he'll wait a few years, until you're an adult, before he pursues a relationship with you. That's what someone who really cares about you would do.

[ScottGem]

I've read this thread and a few things strike me. First, if this was an old family friend, then he should have gone to your father first and asked permission to date you. At 17, you should not have started dating him without consulting your parents.

Does he currently have a job? At 27 just getting a Masters makes it sound like he's a professional student. On the other hand it explains why he is willing to pick up and move.

My advice, if you have a solid job offer to be a coach, then take it. But it has to be solid. But don't move in with him. You need to mature a bit more before you move in with a guy. Living on your own will help do that.

But again, the main thing here is I don't completely trust a 27 yr old man who would take up with a 17 yr old. Especially behind her parent's back.

[joypulv]

I'm not going with the pervert grooming a girl he's known his whole life. I'm just going to repeat the countless girls your age who did go off with the 10 year older man and realized that they just plain didn't share the same interests, and had different ideas of having fun, and were miles apart in the realizations that go along with adulthood.
I also wonder how he's going to get a Master's in Biology in Newfoundland. Is school all arranged for now or September? Or is he doing this online? What does he plan to do with it? What has he been doing for the last 5 or 6 years? Many masters are no more useful in the marketplace than a BS. Unless he plans to get teacher credits. I'd be very curious about HIS plans. I'm also curious how you got your job offer while in HS clear across the country.
I met an older man on a bus on my way back to college my very first semester, still 17 for another month, had sex with him (first one), and moved in with him, dropping out of college. Was it a disaster? Not at all, except for the dismay of my parents. But I went from one mistake to the other after that, still naïve about life.
You are intelligent, you write well, you don't rant at us despite what we are throwing at you, and you have a marketable skill. It's just too bad you don't go to college. It would help you get college coaching jobs better, I would think, and give you more experience with people your age - which you need. You just may not know it until many years later.

[OKskater]

I do understand what you're saying. Those are all things I've wondered too. And I'm not trying to be bull-headed. I realise you're all just trying to help me, and I really appreciate it. But this is something I'm going to do. I want to live my life. I don't want to live my life in fear, nor do I want to shield myself from the world. Because then I wouldn't be living my life to it's full potential.

[Homegirl 50]

You don't have to live your life in fear but that does not mean you make foolish decisions. Moving across country with a 27 year old man is just foolish.
Like I said earlier, if you are mature enough to make this decision then tell your parents about this man and what you are planing on doing. And I will say again, if this man is a friend of the family, he ought to be man enough to tell your parents what he is doing.
I'd like to know how you were recruited in high school to coach figure skating across country. You're not even out of High School yet.

[Zea]

Going to college will help you live your life to its full potential.

There is a time for you to explore the world. But, going to college while you're young is an irreplaceable deal. It's either you take this one chance or you lose it FOREVER.

[ScottGem]

I do understand what you're saying. Those are all things I've wondered too. And I'm not trying to be bull-headed. I realise you're all just trying to help me, and I really appreciate it. But this is something I'm going to do. I want to live my life. I don't want to live my life in fear, nor do I want to shield myself from the world. Because then I wouldn't be living my life to it's full potential.

The bolded passages indicate you ARE being bull-headed. Read your posts. Despite concerns and misgivings you plan on going through with a very questionable plan.

My point is there are alternatives. You don't have move in with him. You can go for the job, he can move to Newfoundland when he completes school. You can then see each other, but still this gives you the opportunity to explore and grow on your own.

I don't understand the live in fear comment. What are you in fear of. You have a skill and a plan. We are only suggesting that you modify that plan and give yourself time to grow and mature. You have your whole life ahead of you. What you are talking about is committing yourself to one person before you have that chance to grow. And more importantly, give yourself more time to get to know him. If there is truly long term love here it can wait a few years.

[joypulv]

You say it's not his responsibility to tell your parents. That sounds very mature - but it isn't. He should be there when you BOTH tell them.

I would plan it carefully for a certain day and time, and I would plan for him to make an exit after some short number of minutes, and for him to announce that early, 'so that the three of you can talk.' That gives your parents the chance to hold onto their less polite thoughts until he leaves.

I find it interesting that you have chosen to sidestep MANY of our questions.

[Alty]

Here's the thing, this decision really won't be that difficult once you tell your parents. I'm sure they're good parents, and won't like the idea of their 17 year old child moving away with a 27 year old man.

If you go ahead with this plan you may end up losing your parents. So, when the fit hits the shan, which it undoubtedly will, who will you turn to then? Being an adult, making adult decisions, means that you face the consequences of those decisions. If you go through with this, and it doesn't work out, you'll have to dig yourself out of the hole. Are you ready to do that at your age? I doubt it.