[PAbuwi]

I've been with my husband for 18 years and married for 16 years. We lost our home to foreclosure, so we move in with my mother. He ended up moving out because we got into an argument. About 2 years ago he got an apartment which I helped him with and would be over there sometimes, but stopped because he would never give me a key and would avoid the question when I asked about one.
So I figured I was not welcomed and stop going.

I recently found out the he had been seeing this other person. I confronted him because of a call I got for the other woman about it and he said it was true. I am going to file for divorce and want to know how this will affect the divorce. We do have a 17 years old son together that lives with me at my mothers. He receives about $4000 a month, whereas, I get about $1320 monthly.

Will I be able to get alimony and child support from him? My son get SS from him, but he take that back out of my account to pay for legal fees for our son, which leaves me to live on just my income.

[Handyman2007]

I am curious as to whether this is simply about your son's welfare or just money? Who gets $4000 a month and for what. I do not know why someone would leave their home simply because they have an argument with their spouse unless that person had something else in mind. You need to get an atty and weigh your options that way.

[joypulv]

Divorce settlements aren't determined by a set of rules. You each hire a lawyer (or not) and duke it out. Your lawyer will bring up adultery, and the child, and child rearing, and the income differences, and so on. His lawyer will bring up you living with your mother, and the fact that your son is going to be an adult soon. And so on.

You can also have mediation, which costs less. You can even work out what you both will agree to privately - that is what I did, but I wouldn't do that if I had had children. Basically the more you work out with each other, the cheaper divorce will be. The two lawyers will be charging by the hour and it adds up really fast.

[JudyKayTee]

Where? I don't see the adultery being an issue - the grounds would be abandonment if you filed first. He lived in an apartment for more than a short period and refused to give you the key and you did nothing?

You need to speak to an Attorney. Is this now all about the money?

[Handyman2007]

People terribly misunderstand the term "abandonment". One can only be charged with abandonment if : They completely disappear, make no effort to let anyone know where they are, refuse any contact and refuse to divulge any information about there whereabouts. Simply moving across town and renting an apartment does not constitute abandonment. My ex wife, who threw me out by the way, tried using abandonment as grounds for divorce. The judge threw it out and granted ME the divorce on Spousal Abuse. I was in treatment for cancer when whe obtained an order of protection against me because I was "moody". Guess what, 8 years later she still pays my health insurance and co pays!!

[JudyKayTee]

"People terribly misunderstand the term "abandonment". One can only be charged with abandonment if : They completely disappear, make no effort to let anyone know where they are, refuse any contact and refuse to divulge any information about there whereabouts. Simply moving across town and renting an apartment does not constitute abandonment. My ex wife, who threw me out by the way, tried using abandonment as grounds for divorce. The judge threw it out and granted ME the divorce on Spousal Abuse. I was in treatment for cancer when whe obtained an order of protection against me because I was "moody". Guess what, 8 years later she still pays my health insurance and co pays!!!!!"

Apparently we went to diffrerent law schools and live in different States. I have no problem at all with YOUR experience in YOUR State using your Attorney but "this is not abandonment" is simply not an across-the-board correct answer.

I get hired to verify that one party or the other has moved out - abandoned - the other on a very regular basis.

Again - your experience, not the across-the-US law.

Here is Lousiana law regarding grounds: "3. The other spouse has abandoned the matrimonial domicile for a period of one year and constantly refuses to return;"

[promise10]

I think you also need to evaluate if you ASSUMED you two were still a couple, or if this was actually his way of separating you two. Because most loving couples want to be together and pool their resources in times of hardship.Not get an apartment alone and not have the other there

[JudyKayTee]

"I think you also need to evaluate if you ASSUMED you two were still a couple, or if this was actually his way of seperating you two. Because most loving couples want to be together and pool thier resources in times of hardship.Not get an apartment alone and not have the other there"


I don't understand what you are saying - I would say it's obvious that getting his own apartment and moving out was his way of separating from her. I don't know what else it could mean.

What do you mean?

[promise10]

That's exactly what I mean. I do believe she needs an atty but I'm quite sure that there is more to this. Although not my business. I'm just wondering if he told her that they were separated and moved on and she wasn't hearing that . I know we as women hear what we want to hear sometimes. That's all I'm saying. Before she tries to go see how much money she can get out of him.

[JudyKayTee]

You are posting according to law - it isn't about "how much she gets out of him." It's, in theory, fair and equitable and the separation is meaningless when it comes to money, and that includes whether he did or not tell her about moving out or anything else.

[ScottGem]

While adultery is still a crime in many states and grounds for divorce in some. It is rarely prosecuted. I doubt if it would have any affect your ability to get spousal support or marital assets. The fact that he moved away from the marital home (even if it was your parents place). Is the most important piece.

[JudyKayTee]

Agree, Scott, but the Courts are very reluctant to use adultery as grounds. She has abandonment. I wouldn't attempt to prove adultery. I don't know about Louisiana but in NY I may see a couple check into a motel but can I prove they were having sex? (The answer is no.)

And adultery or the grounds for the divorce should not be used to punish one party or the other - that is simply the grounds for a legal dissolution of the marriage.

[ScottGem]

Louisiana is one of the few states that I imagine would take an adultery charge with any seriousness. But I still wouldn't try it or expect it to have significant impact. Especially here where the husband moved out 2 years ago.