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cjk888 · Apr 30, 2013, 06:15 AM

So I have split up with my partner of 4 years whom I have a daughter with ages 3. She decided she didn't want to be with me as she didn't love me anymore. This has happened twice so I told her that this will be it and I will not be coming back to her. My main objective is now my child and I will do anything to make sure she is OK.

I have been in contact with a past relationship and if I'm honest I have always had a soft spot for her even while being in another relationship.

She is a great girl and also my first love but she lives a couple of hours away and she is hesitant due to me having a child with someone else but she has said she still loves me and no matter who she has been with its not the same as me.

Do I try and get my first love back or just let it happen naturally.

Also the mother of my child really doesn't like the first love as she knows I got on really well with her and was very jealous of her.

tickle · Apr 30, 2013, 06:34 AM

If you want to move on, what does your ex have to do with who you want to be with? If you are not sure about your choice, why cause unhappiness?

cjk888 · Apr 30, 2013, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

If you want to move on, what does your ex have to do with who you want to be with? If you are not sure about your choice, why cause unhappiness?

I'm just worried if I do go with my first love my ex will try to mess stuff up for me and my daughter but I don't no unless it happens. I want to be with the first love 100% so I guess I'm going to have to see what happens.

tickle · Apr 30, 2013, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by cjk888

im just worried if i do go with my first love my ex will try to mess stuff up for me and my daughter but i dont no unless it happens. i want to be with the first love 100% so i guess im going to have to see what happens.

You have your own ,happiness to consider. Your first move should be a lawyer to work out details of visiting rights so you don't lose track of your daughter.

cjk888 · Apr 30, 2013, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

You have your own ,happiness to consider. Your first move should be a lawyer to work out details of visiting rights so you don't lose track of your daughter.

Thanks for the advise I will get it sorted and make sure nothing happens to my relationship with my daugter.

cjk888 · May 15, 2013, 08:46 AM

***********All threads on this topic have been merged*****************

Right here goes. So I met with an ex girlfreind from 6 years ago and I have never really lost feelings for her even though I have a daughter with someone who I have recently split from, she says she feels the same but isn't ready for a relationship or anything yet as she has just split with her boyfriend. She stayed at mine for the weekend and I helped her move all her stuff into her new house. The thing is I thought it was going really well and we did have sex. She has been texting me a lot and saying I am her soulmate and things like that but now she says she doesn't know what she wants because she still likes her ex but knows he's not the one.
I want to back off but I feel if I do she will start to see someone else and I don't want to lose this chance again as it happened a few years back as well.
I think the hardest thing is that we live 2 hours apart and we don't see each other a lot right now, do I keep the chase up or just leave it to happen? I just don't want to lose her this time as she is everything I want in a partner.

Oliver2011 · May 15, 2013, 09:50 AM

That's a tough one. Why did you breakup in the first place? When we have been apart we tend to remember only the good things and not what led to the breakup. You complicated this one by having sex with her again. The distance doesn't help a relationship blossom either. I have a rule for myself that I never move my life backwards. But this is your decision.

cjk888 · May 15, 2013, 10:04 AM

We split because she was going to university and she needed to be alone there I was only 20 at the time and we were together for 3 years. We didn't have any bad times in the relationship and no relationship since has been the same and she even said that as well. She has never found anyone like me in her words. Even her perants said to me we would love u to get back with her. I really don't know what to do

Oliver2011 · May 15, 2013, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by cjk888

We split because she was going to university and she needed to be alone there I was only 20 at the time and we were together for 3 years. We didnt have any bad times in the relationship and no relationship since has been the same and she even said that aswell. She has never found anyone like me in her words. Even her perants said to me we would love u to get back with her. I really dont know what to do

Sounds like you want to go with your heart and try to make it work again. You could take it slowly and work on the distance thing together. Don't lie to yourself, 2 hours away is 2 hours away. Long distance relationships can be tricky. But this is not only your decision. She has a say in it too. If she decides no on the relationship, then you need move on. Don't be a hanger on'er because that will do you no good at all.

talaniman · May 15, 2013, 11:54 AM

I really think you jumped too fast from one long relationship that was break up to make up, into another that even though you were an item years ago, it's a brand new ball game because you both have changed.

You are trying to pick up where you left off but since you both have gone through some things in the mean time, treat this like strangers who just met and relearn each other and enjoy it with no expectations.

Back off, be cool and go slow as YOU and HER still have much past personal baggage from your last relationships to unpack. You haven't even established a life you enjoy on your own yet my friend but instead latched onto a friendly face to rest on. That's not healthy and smacks of emotional dependence like a heroin addict.

cjk888 · May 16, 2013, 04:00 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I really think you jumped too fast from one long relationship that was break up to make up, into another that even though you were an item years ago, its a brand new ball game because you both have changed.

You are trying to pick up where you left off but since you both have gone thru some things in the mean time, treat this like strangers who just met and relearn each other and enjoy it with no expectations.

Back off, be cool and go slow as YOU and HER still have much past personal baggage from your last relationships to unpack. You haven't even established a life you enjoy on your own yet my friend but instead latched onto a friendly face to rest on. That's not healthy and smacks of emotional dependence like a heroin addict.

This was some great advise thanks. I will now back off and let it happen (hopefully it does) il just have to take it one day at a time thanks again very helpful