[DominicanaKay]

We have been together 3 years. Of course in the beginning the sex was constant but lately it is nearly non existent. He says his back hurts or other problems but come on. He knows I like sex a lot and I just feel unwanted. I mean I sleep naked or with a thong on how could he not get turned on? I'm not ugly, I'm not fat, o do whatever he wants in bed. I'm more annoyed than anything. Why has he lost interest? I could never imagine him screwing around on me but I wouldn't put anything past any man. Please help :)

[Fr_Chuck]

Could be many reasons, is there stress, money worries, and at 3 years often things do slow some. How about his back really hurts, has he had it checked with doctors ?

[Lacosteboy1]

Try to give him a back massage... then give him a sensual massage... it can make him a bit more relaxed and then BAM!! Things will happen

[Cat1864]

Okay, he knows what you want. Do you know what he wants or needs? Have you asked him or paid attention to what he says? Is there non-sexual affection and intimacy?

What do you consider non-existent? Different people have different concepts of what is enough, not enough, too much, etc.

Pressure, pain, stress, fear (of not being able to perform, causing more pain, even pregnancy,) etc. are all limiters. Talk with him. See if you can work together as a couple to get through this. It may mean being patient if he needs to work through his fears and insecurities.

Do not let frustration and being annoyed cause you to make the mistake of putting pressure on him to fulfill your needs. Pressure is huge libido limiter and can cause a slow down to become a full shut down.

Good luck.

[zumamoney]

He still have feelings for you. 3years is enough to try something new sister. Get some sexy new underwear/clothes. Sometime walk pass him with just your underwear on pretend he is not even there. Don't even mention the word sex or border him with one for at least three weeks. Still respect and pay more attention to him but less to sexual advances. Focus more on yourself and looks. I can see him begging you in just a week or two.

[CravenMorhead]

He still have feelings for you. 3years is enough to try something new sister. Get some sexy new underwear/clothes. Sometime walk pass him with just your underwear on pretend he is not even there. Don't even mention the word sex or border him with one for at least three weeks. Still respect and pay more attention to him but less to sexual advances. Focus more on yourself and looks. I can see him begging you in just a week or two.

So in your analysis of this problem the guy is okay but has become disinterested in the girl? So getting her to dress sexy and tease him to inflame desires? Because it is her fault for getting complacent and letting herself go and as such he's not attracted to her any more. So being her fault it is up to her to fix this. Ignoring everything else she has said in her post.

Right. She should get right on that.

Moving along:

He says his back hurts or other problems but come on.

Hi! I have lower back issues, and upper back issues. Most days it is good, some days it hurts a lot. To the point where I need a cane to walk from my bed room to the bathroom, which is 20ft from my bed. As much as sex would feel good, the pain I would feel by doing it, any position, would be greater and not really worth it in the end. As you can well sympathise, if you're in pain you don't really want to have sex. It is hard to be turned on when you're dealing with pain.

As for other problems, stress and exhaustion for example, are completely valid reasons for a libido drop. Cat1864 has some really good questions and advice.

I just have one last thing to say, well a couple. When everything is going good you don't really notice anything bad, but when something seems bad it tends to consume EVERYTHING you can think about in the relationship. Everything might be good, but if sex is bad... it seems all bad. Intimacy is a vital part of the relationship, don't get me wrong, but it isn't the be all end all. There is a lot of other important things.

Why I bring this up is that when something isn't going right it tends to start us on a path that tends to tear the relationship apart. Picture pulling on a piece of paper. It is reasonable strong, but when you add a little cut on one edge... it will tear itself to sunder. You've taken the vital first step and are trying to figure out what is going on, but don't let this problem become the reason things go south. It is solvable.

He hasn't lost interest. I believe he has personal issues that don't allow for sex. To be honest though:

I could never imagine him screwing around on me but I wouldn't put anything past any man.

Is pretty insulting. The vast majority, myself included, wouldn't screw around. When we're loyal we're loyal. I was in a relationship where I got sex every 4 or 5 months at most and, while it would have been easy to cheat on my GF, I never did. Why? Because when I, and most men, enter into a relationship we tend to be monogamous.

[talaniman]

You are looking in the wrong place and the wrong thing for a solution here I feel, as lack of sex is but a symptom of a greater problem that needs to be addressed and sleeping naked never addresses the disconnect of the minds.

The mind is where good sex begins so look deeper into other area of this relationship beyond your own immediate needs. You must get on the same page and that's through honest communications and if you cannot talk and listen to each other, then I doubt a sexy thong help anything.