[helpmeplease222]

My fiancé got home from afghanistan in January. Things started great, re-hunny-moon phase I suppose. We got engage on valentine's day and everything was great. We were having a perfectly normal relationship until about a week before his diagnosis. I don't want to sound selfish, but I miss being intimate with him.. that's how I felt close to him and I feel like we are so distant now. And it's not just that. He doesn't seem to even LIKE me anymore. I'll come home and instead of greating me he just stays in his same spot on the couch, playing his videogames. He works second and third shift at his job and is often not home when I go to bed, so when he is I try to get him to pay any attention to me but he won't. I know that PTSD can take a lot out of him and I don't want to make him uncomfortable but I am starting to feel so unloved, even hated at times. He seems to have no feelings for me whatsoever. He says he still wants this relationship but if I ever ask he just monotonily says yes. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and my self-confidence is gone, I feel like there's something wrong with me most of the time. He won't get help, we got into a big talk about that and the final answer is no. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to marry him more than anything but I feel like he is gone.. I lost my best friend even though he is sitting right beside me. :,( I'm lost..

[dontknownuthin]

I would recommend that you use all the resources available through the military, as well as getting counseling for yourself at this time to try to learn how to manage this difficult passage in your lives.

I was diagnosed PTSD after a non-military trauma and found rapid eye therapy was very effective for me. You can Google it and see what you think, and your fiancé might consider it. I had been very violently attacked when I was young and fought nightmares and fears with many triggers that put me back in the situation in my mind, and this particular therapy for some reason worked well for me. Not for everyone, but I do recommend it.

As for your relationship, the difficulty is that your fiancé needs to figure out just how to exist as himself back stateside before he can meet your needs. You need to do what is ultimately best for both of you. I guess my feeling would be that I would do all I could to work on the relationship, but he will have to do the heavy lifting because he is the one who has to work through his trauma, as well as figuring out how to reconnect with other people. You are not a terrible person if you decide you cannot stay with him, if he's not willing to make those efforts. But reach out - don't suffer in silence. Talk to other military girlfriends and wives, and again, use the psychological services they offer to families.