[tinkerbell77]

Has any one ever heard of writing in the custody that the children get to decide what parent they live with?? I was totally blown away at my ex's request to have this added to the custody. The children are 7 and 8. It will be more of there choice as they get older, but not at this age. And I don't believe this should be added to the custody agreement.
Also, can you put in your custody agreement who is allowed to have your visitation for you? My ex also wants to write who can exercize his visitation when he isn't avalible... I was a little blown away. My lawyer had never heard of this either... Any ones thought? Has any one had to deal with a crazy ex, that doesn't make much since??

[Fr_Chuck]

It is really silly in general, since then the kids merely play one parent against the others worst, the parent who does not make them do homework, the parents who does not ground them, will be the parent they will want to live with, So often children will want the parent who is the park, not the one who does the best for the child.

Your ex is just basically wanting to be able to take the kids away latter by "buying" them or lying to them, and to cause you all sorts of headaches, and the vistation, others are not allowed to do his visits.

Sounds like you have a long court battle ahead of you.

[tinkerbell77]

We did two family investigations with what they call a CFI or Councler. And both recommended every other weekend and every other holiday and 60 day's in the summer. My lawyer said that is pretty general in our state for the non custodial parent. I wasn't apposed to that at all. So he asked that I settle with my ex and be done with it before paying a lot of court fee's. Cause that is what the judge will probably award him any way. So I asked my ex to settle and he came up with all these additional demands... It was outragous... I felt he should just be happy to settle and agree with what was "recomended".

It's funny that you say the kids would play in to this... Cause they already do. I got after my oldest for not doing his home work and he said then he was going to live with his dad. I just laugh it off, cause I know it's just part of being a kid in a divorce situation. Now as far as when they become teens... If they truly want to live with there dad it will be a different story I'm sure. But I don't have teens yet, so I don't know? And I don't want to put anything in writing that they can just choose...

As far as others doing his visitation with the kids for him, do judges normally grant that IF the parent is unavalibe that they miss there visitation or have to rescedule? Or would they allow him to pick any one to do it for him? I just think this will go to court and I don't want the judge to say OK to him wanting others to pick up the kids and do his visit for him.

[dacahayes]

Custody is so very tricky and always keep it is stressless as you can. As for letting the children decide I am from Ontario and I have never heard of that but when they are 13 they can decide and there is nothing you can do.. Why not go for joint custody so the children do not have to choose. This allows them to be with both parents. But keeping the two children together would be in the best interest of the children. That is my opinion. I am divorce and my children never had to decide and they now have a great relationship with their dad. My daughter in now a teen and she stays one week on one week off.. this is so good for her and us. Kids need to be happy! :)

[tinkerbell77]

Dacahayes:
I would love to do 50/50 and we did set it up that way 6 years ago when we got divorced. But my ex didn't want to do that, it was too much work with them at that time. He actually has chosen to move out of state several times over the last 6 years. And at times has not seen them for a year at a time. He did move back to the area almost a year ago. We've been doing every other weekend to get them adjusted to being with him again. And this is the first time he's been consistent. I'd have to say at this time to jump in to 50/50 probably wouldn't be in there best interest with our given situation. And I know when they get older they can decide for themselves. And I would let them! I want them to be happy!! But putting it in the order is silly... There dad is still almost 2 hours away. So working up to 50/50 is even out of the question at this time with them being in school. That's why summer is best for his visitation with them. So we'll see!! I wish my situation could be as simple as yours!! =0)

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes I have been there, I was always the parent where the kids had to do their homework, had to be home by 11, could not just sleep though school, and so on.

My EX went to a party life style, kids left alone for hours and hours, could stay up as late as they wanted, if they did not wake up thierself for school, she did not care, and no chores no nohting but TV, video games and hanging out at the city park.

We fought back and forth custody for years and years, back in court almost every year for 13 years or so.

But it sounds like your ex wants just to make your life hard.

[tinkerbell77]

Fr_Chuck:
You sound like you went threw the same thing... And the cost of the court battles are just crazy! I know it's not good for kids to not know both there parents, but some times I wonder if a life of crazy court battles is good for them either. And the cost that is involved, I tell myself every day that child support isn't worth this because ALL of it goes to the judges and lawyers and not toward the kids.
Thanks for the support... So has your life gotten simpler as the kids are older? Do they know now that you were doing the best thing for them?

[dacahayes]

Well, then you have nothing to worry about letting the children decide. NO courts will allow this because their father is not consistent and it would not be in the best interest for the children. You have been the parent that is constant with the children and he hasn't. Good luck and don't give up you are in the right