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Jodiedoll · Apr 21, 2013, 01:21 AM

Hi I'm looking for a man to be really honest when answering my question.

I'm 30, I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we have 5 children between us. When we first got together he would always wanted sex and in him wanting it all the time it made me enjoy sex like I've never experienced before. As with my only other sexual partner whom I was with for 14 years, I wasn't interested in sex at all, but now since we've been living together for a couple of months he doesn't really want it anymore.

We went from at least once a day mostly more, to maybe 2 or 3 times a week. He says its cause he's put on a stone in weight and cause he's not working so he doesn't feel good about himself, that's where I don't get it, as I know for a fact he masturbates at least twice a day as he doesn't hide it really. I have to mention that I'm a really attractive girl, and a size 8, so I'm hoping it's not the way I look but if he's still getting aroused but then doesn't want sex with me what's wrong?

I've told him exactly how I feel and that its making me feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. He says I'm putting pressure on him and invading his personal space when I mentioned him masturbating all the time. Please help me try and figure out why he's acting like this?

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smkanand · Apr 21, 2013, 02:50 AM

You said at least once a day or 2 or 3 times a week, you guys have sex. I guess that's pretty good. You can not have it all the time or daily. I think as he said he might not be feeling good about himself. The situation is frustrating for him as well as you. But you should give him some time.

talaniman · Apr 21, 2013, 11:27 AM

The only thing missing from your post is the porn. Otherwise its written exactly like many of the others here about the decrease in sex, and the way it makes a female feel. Okay masturbating and porn relieves a man privately with no worries about sharing, caring and pleasing, cuddling and relating.

Its not about you, his feelings for you, how you look, or anything whatsoever but HIM. And frankly with 5 kids, and job stress and financial worries, what's 5/10 minutes alone? I take it you don't masturbate, why? Do you work outside the home?

JudyKayTee · Apr 21, 2013, 04:11 PM

I find it interesting that you were not interested in having sex with your previous partner. Now your new partner isn't interested in having sex with you.

What was the turn off for you in the previous relationship? I would think you have some insight into problems like this.

Do you work outside the home? It's a good question. Seven months seems pretty early for your boyfriend to be supporting all of you, so I'm guessing you do work outside the home.

Jodiedoll · Apr 22, 2013, 03:06 AM

To talaniman , I watch porn and masturbate but he doesn't watch it that I know of we're pretty open with each other and I tell him I watch porn,I'm just really shocked how he can go from a high sex drive to an average one as like I said I've never enjoyed sex like this before and my drive has gone through the roof , I take it he might not feel good but wouldn't me being very rude and sexual to him distress him a bit ?

To smkanand ill give him time it's just frustrating that I have to keep maturbsting when all I want to do is be intimate with the one I love .

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I find it interesting that you were not interested in having sex with your previous partner. Now your new partner isn't interested in having sex with you.

What was the turn off for you in the previous relationship? I would think you have some insight into problems like this.

Do you work outside the home? It's a good question. Seven months seems pretty early for your boyfriend to be supporting all of you, so I'm guessing you do work outside the home.

Thanks for your reply ,my previous relationship was extremely different as my ex was extremely violent that's why I didn't want sex , there's nothing like that in my current relationship , so I'm really confused as it was current partner who's taught me a lot of sexual things and we have amazing sex so I can't even begin to relate to what he's saying , some of the things he says are a typical women's statement ( I feel fat , I've got a headache ) so I don't know what to think .

Do I have a really high sex drive?

Hi I've previous asked a question about my boyfriends interest in sex going from more than once a day to 2 or3 times a week , this has left me really sexually frustrated so my question is has my sex drive gone too high? as I type about sex I'm getting extremely arroused and I'm literally soaking my underwear I wish I could have sex right now but I'm in work and even if I went home on my lunch break he's probably not going to want to have sex he'll just say we'll have loads of sex tonight which he said about last night and it never happened , what do I do ?

JudyKayTee · Apr 22, 2013, 07:34 AM

(1) See a physician. I find that level of sexual arousal from typing about your lack of a sex life to be somewhat unusual.

(2) Find a boyfriend who can satisfy you sexually.

JudyKayTee · Apr 22, 2013, 08:40 AM

Jodi, you left out a very important part of the story when you asked this question - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...dy-745401.html.

You are "hiding out" from an abusive ex, your current boyfriend hates your ex, your ex is in the position of protecting you and your children as well as his?

I think you have a relationship that is full of problems - perhaps the two of you need to sit down and talk about these stresses.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2013, 09:08 AM

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we have 5 children between us

You have bigger issues than just frequency of sex.

Jodiedoll · Apr 22, 2013, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Jodi, you left out a very important part of the story when you asked this question - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...dy-745401.html.

You are "hiding out" from an abusive ex, your current boyfriend hates your ex, your ex is in the position of protecting you and your children as well as his?

I think you have a relationship that is full of problems - perhaps the two of you need to sit down and talk about these stresses.

We've frequently talked and my partner tells me not to stress over my ex cause he doesn't my ex has nothing to do with my current relationship or the sex issues were experiencing and he doesn't have to protect or even provide for my children as I do that solely , I love my partner and will work this problem out I just really wanted a mans point of view on it to at least guide me in the right direction to being like we used too .

talaniman · Apr 22, 2013, 01:47 PM

Things will never go back to the way it was before, and the key is making some adjustments to your thinking, judgment, and behavior and not obsessing over your very high sex drive, or his lower one. Its not just what you want, but what they want too, and seeing things from HIS view may help. Takes time, and effort, but that's how mature couples deal with those things that bother them.

JudyKayTee · Apr 22, 2013, 01:59 PM

You are living the experience and I am not but this sounds like a whole lot of stress - and stress can kill a sex life - to me.

"I can totally relate to u as we speak I'm hiding in my new house which is 70 miles away from my ex who's threatened to find out where I live today , he's a violent alcoholic , I let him see the kids some weekends which I drop off and pick up which he doesn't drink while my 4 children are there but my new partner hates him but would never fight with him he's very calm but would protect me and the kids with his life , I get threats a few times a week and usually ignore them but today he said he was coming to my area and my partner is working away all day ,"

It's a horrible thing to go through , the only advice I could give would b to see a solicitor for legal advice and to put restrictions on what he is and isn't allowed to do , hope you get through this hold your chin up and be a strong mother .

Jodiedoll · Apr 22, 2013, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Things will never go back to the way it was before, and the key is making some adjustments to your thinking, judgment, and behavior and not obsessing over your very high sex drive, or his lower one. Its not just what you want, but what they want too, and seeing things from HIS view may help. Takes time, and effort, but that's how mature couples deal with those things that bother them.

Thanks I know it will take time and I've listened to him all I can do is show him I love him and work through it .

greentree30 · Apr 23, 2013, 12:40 AM

JudyKayTee deserves some greenies (it says I have to spread my rep around too)! Judy, you definitely got to the heart of the matter.

Also Talaniman great advice too! Very true.
"and the key is making some adjustments to your thinking, judgment, and behavior and not obsessing over your very high sex drive, or his lower one. Its not just what you want, but what they want too, and seeing things from HIS view may help. Takes time, and effort, but that's how mature couples deal with those things that bother them."
I feel like you just explained what I've been doing in my marriage, and I've been really happy for a while now. (not to toot my own horn!) :-P

Jodiedoll, having sex 2 to 3 times a week is a good amount! I'd say 3 times a week is more than the average couple has sex. The rest of the time just masturbate. :-) Like Talaniman said, work on your outlook about it.

But that really is the least of your problems. Reading about your ex, I'm scared for you. :-/ Like Judy said get some legal advice. Stay safe. I hope that situation gets better for you.

Jodiedoll · Apr 24, 2013, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by greentree30

JudyKayTee deserves some greenies (it says I have to spread my rep around too)! Judy, you definitely got to the heart of the matter.

Also Talaniman great advice too! Very true.
"and the key is making some adjustments to your thinking, judgment, and behavior and not obsessing over your very high sex drive, or his lower one. Its not just what you want, but what they want too, and seeing things from HIS view may help. Takes time, and effort, but that's how mature couples deal with those things that bother them."
I feel like you just explained what I've been doing in my marraige, and I've been really happy for a while now. (not to toot my own horn!) :-P

Jodiedoll, having sex 2 to 3 times a week is a good amount! I'd say 3 times a week is more than the average couple has sex. The rest of the time just masturbate. :-) Like Talaniman said, work on your outlook about it.

But that really is the least of your problems. Reading about your ex, I'm scared for you. :-/ Like Judy said get some legal advice. Stay safe. I hope that situation gets better for you.

Thanks me and my partner talked in great length and we both understood each others point of view I reassured him how much I'm still attracted to him and he understood that him pushing me away would make me feel he didn't want me anymore , lets just say we had amazing sex like we used to and I agree with you that if I can get it 3 times a week that's fine the rest ill do what he does and masturbate :),thanks to everyone for their advice things will be fine .

Jodiedoll · May 1, 2013, 12:11 PM

I recently asked for a males answer to a question that my partner wasn't really interested in sex that much lately , after people's answers saying I should give him time , I'm disagreeing with the answers and saying I was right because he was still masturbating so he was still sexually aroused , now my point is that the other day we were together all day working , and because he hadn't masturbated twice which he normally does in one day he was all over me and we had sex twice , so I think it's got nothing to do with stress at all , does anyone agree?

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JudyKayTee · May 1, 2013, 12:12 PM

This isn't an opinion poll - you appear to believe there's a direction connection. Does it matter what strangers think?

This should be a continuation of the other thread, not a new thread.

EDIT: Just read the other thread. Your current boyfriend is living with: "I can totally relate to u as we speak I'm hiding in my new house which is 70 miles away from my ex who's threatened to find out where I live today , he's a violent alcoholic , I let him see the kids some weekends which I drop off and pick up which he doesn't drink while my 4 children are there but my new partner hates him but would never fight with him he's very calm but would protect me and the kids with his life , I get threats a few times a week and usually ignore them but today he said he was coming to my area and my partner is working away all day ,"

I understand why stress is reducing his sexual appetite.