[greeneyedlizzy]

I am separated from my husband. He walked out and abandoned me and our two children 4 months ago. I was a stay at home mother and did not work outside the home other than seasonal work to make extra money for Christmas. My mom had to take me and my children ages 10 and 12 in since he left us owing rent and a huge late utility bill.

My ex is a convicted felon (drugs) and skipped the state of California when we lived there because he assalted me in front of the children and was ordered to anger management classes in lieu of jail time!

We moved back to North Carolina 3 years ago and since that time he has been both verbally and physically abusive.

My question is... I have been offered a job in virginia about 140 miles away from where he lives with his girlfriend. There is no custody or visitation order. He gives me money sporadically. My mom cannot afford to continue supporting us on her fixed.income. Can I move 140 miles away if I am offered this position? Again, there is NO custody, support or visitation order primarily cause I cannot afford a lawyer.

Thank anyone who can give me good sound advice.

[JudyKayTee]

If there are no Orders AND if he doesn't visit with the children, pay support for you and the children, you can move wherever you want. Why haven't you made a move in Family Court (which does not require legal representation) to file for divorce, get support?

Do I have this right? He abused you in front of the children and you stayed with him? How old are the children?

It is difficult for you to argue that he is an unfit parent/husband when you continued to live with after he skipped the State in order to avoid anger management courses as ordered by the Court - you apparently had no problem with his status at that time.

I'm not saying you should have left, should not have left. I am saying that the Court will look at that and decide whether you also put your children in danger by allowing him in your house, in their presence.

[ScottGem]

As Judy say, absent and court orders, you can move. He could, however, file for custody and force you to return. Its unlikely, but possible.

[greeneyedlizzy]

If there are no Orders AND if he doesn't visit with the children, pay support for you and the children, you can move wherever you want. Why haven't you made a move in Family Court (which does not require legal representation) to file for divorce, get support?

Do I have this right? He abused you in front of the children and you stayed with him? How old are the children?

It is difficult for you to argue that he is an unfit parent/husband when you continued to live with after he skipped the State in order to avoid anger management courses as ordered by the Court - you apparently had no problem with his status at that time.

I'm not saying you should have left, should not have left. I am saying that the Court will look at that and decide whether or not you also put your children in danger by allowing him in your house, in their presence.

He stopped drinking before we left California and since was a one time thing I forgave him and the children went to live with my mom until we stabilized.

It was much later when he started drinking again and it got emotionally abusive.

He does see the children twice a month. Has only given me little money here and there but not regularly or much. He has to help his girlfriend he says since he lives with her. My children love their dad but at the same time do not want to live with him and have both vocalized that they both love and fear him. I am seeking councling for codependency and low self esteme. Battered spouses do not always know how to escape. His abandoning us was a blessing in disguise. As for court orders I was told nothing can be set unless I hire an attorney! My mom can't afford and neither can I. social service child protective services will not help either unless he hits or threatens and it is reported within 48 hours! Usually I only drag being hit or threatened with their a__ being beat long after they return home and over 48 hours pass.

So... there it is. He walked. No papers saying who has kids no consistent support from him just him demanding to see them every other weekend and now whole summer or he says if I refuse he will just pick them up from school and keep them himself.

Can I move under these circumstances if I am offered job and good wholesome housing for my family.

[ScottGem]

Again, you can move, but if he files for custody and visitation, it could force you to return. It might be better if you go to court for custody.

[JudyKayTee]

He sees the children. You would be taking them away from him. That will not make the Court happy.

You lived with him, knowing he was, basically, on the run.

If you don't receive support it's because you haven't asked the Court for it.

You can't claim he's a bad father and then say you allow him to see the children.

Have you spoken to a counsellor, a trusted adult, someone, about your marriage? I know you're in a very tough place right now, but you need to know both sides of what could happen in Court. You need to come to some conclusions on how to proceed and then get a legal stamp of approval. At this point in time HE could take the children and you would need to petition the Court to get them back.

Will he? I don't know. Are you thinking about it? Yes. I'd contact Legal Aid, a law school, someone. You do not need an Attorney to go to Family Court.