[Zea]

This kind of feels weird. I mean, I am not used to complaining. Usually, I would suck it up and somehow adapt myself, later if not sooner, eventually. But there is nothing wrong with asking for an advice, right?

First of all, at the beginning of the second-semester me and two of my friends (a boy let’s call him B, and a girl let’s call her G) had a class together. G and I were friends but B and I meet for the first time in that class. He is a talkative, straight forward, and a pushy kind of person. He was nice though. That out- shone all his flaws. It was a good reason for me to friend him.

So, he starts being really polite and all smileys whenever he spoke with me. He had a crush on me. You could tell when someone treats you differently; it’s not hard to tell when someone likes you. Also, he would tell me, only me, that he likes a girl and wants to ask her out. Maybe he wanted me to be jealous? He told me this many times. What is the purpose of him telling me that, if not for an advice? Even though he could have told G, he knew her better anyway.

I didn't give him any special attention (by saying this you should realize that I have been through this a few times). And so I must tell you that I have never had a boyfriend, never been in a relationship, and have had a crush only once and that was last year. I don’t want to be with anyone, not while still in high school. My experience is very limited. No, I have no experience in this at all. But, I learn from observing others and collecting information. And without having to go through the experience myself I can say that I learned few things. Still, I would never say that I know more than someone who’s been there themselves.

After a while, he withdraws from the entire act and becomes more hateful towards me. Saying that I am a “bad friend” and I am “mean” and things along these lines.

Then, one day we three were having a conversation about random topics, it was nothing about sexuality. I mean, what kind of girl would talk with a guy, who is only a friend, about these things?

While he was explaining something he ran his hand half way down my spine. I thought that was rude and inappropriate. I did not give any reaction or a sign of irritation; even though it boiled inside me I stayed calm despite the offense. I guess, what cooled my anger is the thought that he was so much into the topic that, maybe, it just happened.

I have never been touched like that in my life. I am just confused; I don’t know how to think or feel right now after it happened. At first, yeah I was angry, but now how should I feel about that? Should I be angry?
Do your friends from the opposite sex do that?

I, then, interrupted B and told him that he should not touch me like this ever again because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, he snaps and starts accusing me again of being a bad friend and mean. Let me tell you why he thinks that, the reason is that he is lazy and wants either me or G to do his homework for him. Despite refusing constantly he still presses more. He is actually a senior, G and I are juniors.

And no matter how many times I told him to drop the subject he just goes on talking about that, even though I helped him many times with his homework. I guess he expected an answer so I told him he should not say these things about me because... because... but he just held on to the subject and I did not want to respond anymore, then G jumps up and tells him that he should back off.

G did not stand by me just because she is a good friend. In fact, she knew him long before I became her friend. Actually, I would have been ashamed to let G stand by me if I knew I was wrong. So from this you can imagine that she acts more comfortably around him and jokes a little bit harshly, he would usually take it seriously and I would remind him that she does not really mean it. Then he would come back to his own self. I would not make harsh jokes like her, yet I was the one being buried under his judgment.

Sometimes, he would stare at me without taking his eyes off me. And I would tell him to unlock his mouth and speak freely if there is something that he wants to say. But no, he would never admit what goes through his mind. He is honest about everything but about admitting how he feels. End of the story.

Additional information:

Okay, some boys would have a crush on me first time they see me, I don’t know why and I find it stupid that someone can trust a total stranger. Think! Why do some people forget what they have been taught when they were little? That is “Never trust a stranger.” I don’t have an attractive womanly figure, I am kind of skinny, we sure have a dress code for school, and I am not popular. I don’t even put make up like most high school girls; maybe you can say that I am a bit boyish. I don’t talk or dress likes one but I am not girly at all. Part of the reason is that when I was little my dad used to call me sonny, he meant son. I knew that I could be both. It was not part of a deceivious game. Would a kid deliberately do something like that? It just came naturally. For instance, playing soccer with some boys, I was easily accepted for a change, I did not have to try to fit in. I felt like an equal among them. By the way, it is way past twelve here but I can’t bear leaving a blank page in my thoughts.

Do you think that this friendship is worth all the trouble? Why would someone suddenly turn from I love you to I hate very much? What should I do?

Your honesty will be valued.
Any help, suggestion, advice are all appreciated.

Oh, and one more thing. He said something disturbing I don’t know if I should mention it or not. He maybe did not mean it, but he looked dead serious when he said it.

[joypulv]

Zea, you are obviously a very intelligent girl. I think you talk circles around yourself (like many intelligent people of all ages), and like most teens, agonize over things that will be unimportant after high school. A male friend who runs his hand partway down your spine can be brushed off by saying 'hey, don't' as you move away, rather than 'don't ever touch me like that again.' He made a little mistake with you but it's a small one. He is confused about girls if he's a typical teen guy. But I'm not putting you down! You said what you think is right. Life is a constant struggle of what to say and do and although it gets better with age, and 'different' in what is important, life is a never ending learning process.

Because of the complication over doing homework for him, I would pull away completely, however. His motives are suspect. I'd tell him so, directly but without anger.

People turn from love to hate out of hurt. It isn't really love when you are teens loving other teens, and it isn't really hate. Hate is for injustice in the world - if ever! Hate is a self-destructive emotion without understanding why. Love is something that MUST have years past the romantic stage, passing the test of time.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you are taking this way to seriously. If you feel he treats you badly then leave him alone. Him touching you was inappropriate. Maybe he was liking you maybe not. Why don't you just ask him why he treats you this way and of he does not give you an answer, leave him alone. You already practically wrote a book here, why you chose to omit the comment he made to you, I don't know. Maybe it would have been enlightening to what is going on in his mind.

[Zea]

Zea, you are obviously a very intelligent girl. I think you talk circles around yourself (like many intelligent people of all ages), and like most teens, agonize over things that will be unimportant after high school. A male friend who runs his hand partway down your spine can be brushed off by saying 'hey, don't' as you move away, rather than 'don't ever touch me like that again.' He made a little mistake with you but it's a small one. He is confused about girls if he's a typical teen guy. But I'm not putting you down! You said what you think is right. Life is a constant struggle of what to say and do and although it gets better with age, and 'different' in what is important, life is a never ending learning process.

Because of the complication over doing homework for him, I would pull away completely, however. His motives are suspect. I'd tell him so, directly but without anger.

People turn from love to hate out of hurt. It isn't really love when you are teens loving other teens, and it isn't really hate. Hate is for injustice in the world - if ever! Hate is a self-destructive emotion without understanding why. Love is something that MUST have years past the romantic stage, passing the test of time.

Thank you very much. Your comment was very helpful.

I do get angry sometimes, but if there is another emotion to hold on to other than anger, than I would trade hate for anything.

I can never hold a grudge against anyone not even him; maybe that is a good thing.
Some peoples’ anger disappears within years, while I get angry and move on just in hours. I would trade anger for anything…regret, pain, sadness… If they can forgive themselves for what they do with no apology than that is no problem.

I was confused, I felt like a five year old kid, who experiences something new and does not know how to react. So they would look at an adult for assurance. You are giving me that guidance; you bring joy just like your name. Thank you.

I think you are taking this way to seriously. If you feel he treats you badly then leave him alone. Him touching you was inappropriate. Maybe he was liking you maybe not. Why don't you just ask him why he treats you this way and of he does not give you an answer, leave him alone. You already practically wrote a book here, why you chose to omit the comment he made to you, I don;t know. Maybe it would have been enlightening to what is going on in his mind.

Sorry, it was kind long; I did not mean to waste anybody's time.
Yeah, maybe I am taking it too seriously. But I have never had a boyfriend; I have never been touched like that. Maybe I was alarmed that a friend, who I except to be just a friend to stay that way, was actually hitting on me, because usually it would be anybody. You see I have never had many good friends. So, the result was, whenever I met someone I kept my distance so I want like them much. But now I am able to reconnect with other students again. I don’t want to lose that trust.
I just thought if I can’t trust one than I know for sure I will push others away. I am as honest as I can be to you.
Of course, I told him that he should just speak about it, but he won’t. I wish that I don’t see him anymore, but G is his friend and he would always come and speak to her and he would talk to me too, as politely as he can until he starts with the same thing again. Problem is I sit near her, it’s kind of unavoidable. Sometimes I try not to talk to him, but it’s like as a punishment he would just stare at me.
You know, it’s like a chain. Wherever I go G would be there, and he will follow her. I would not matter if I change my seat. She is the closest friend to me right now.
He said ‘I will eat you!’ G, heard it too. I thought he was just joking, but he remained silent and serious.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to leave him alone. He is behaving like a nasty teenage boy and he thinks he can get next to you. When he is around your friend, just tell her "I'll see you later" and walk away. Don't give him any attention.

[Zea]

You need to leave him alone. He is behaving like a nasty teenage boy and he thinks he can get next to you. When he is around your friend, just tell her "I'll see you later" and walk away. Don't give him any attention.

Thank you, for responding and for the help. I am not trying to sound impossible or ungrateful because I appreciate your help. I have been trying to avoid him. It is hard sometimes because we three have one class together, but I will be more cautious. What is left for him to graduate but about a month. I can get through it. Oh, Gosh now I need to spread some reputation!