[whatsgucci]

Ok sorry everyone, but I have a long and crazy story that has plagued my mind. I honestly don't know what to do... so here it goes.

There's this guy. We met when we were in 8th grade, and at the time he was very nice and seemed like a genuinely great guy (considering we were young and immature). I always thought of him as a great friend, always happy to see him and it seemed like it was the same way the other way around. We got really close, talked almost every day out of school via the amazing interwebs, and I noticed that when we did talk during school his face would turn red. Long story short, I started liking him and it almost seemed like he liked me. Or was I hallucinating?

Then the accusations happened.

Some insanely rude person posted nasty stuff on his formspring account, and he thought it was me. To this day I do not know who it was, but regardless it really hurt him (I would assume so) and it hurt me knowing someone would do such a thing. What was even worse? The fact that he thought it was me. And a bit before this incident, a dumb ex-friend of mine asked him if he liked me. She reported back to me, saying he said something along the lines of "She's a friend."

The dreaded friendzone. Or so I thought.

I was so upset that he didn't like me, or didn't show it that I walked up to him during some random passing period and, overwhelmed with feelings, I blurted "I do not like you." It was really terrible. I don't even know why I would say such a thing.To this day, I question my thought process back then. Anyway... then I apologized afterwards. I'm borderline bipolar though, because of some horrid experiences--aside from the point, but was that a factor? Maybe, maybe just love. What is love anyway?

So then freshman year happened.

In one year alone, it is crazy how two people could become so distant. I literally did not talk to him at all that year. However, I still occasionally wondered how he was doing, etc. Just missed talking to an old friend, that's all. If my memory serves me right, I think he had a girlfriend that year. She was pretty, and honestly they looked great together. It was a relief, in a way, because for once I could understand that there was nothing between us--he was already moving on and happy. :)

Now, I'm a sophomore and WHY AM I STILL THINKING ABOUT HIM?

I honestly don't know. I guess there's always that one person that we are attracted to by nature. Sadly, we will always be so different and the polar opposite of each other: we are completely different appearance-wise, and I think in every other way. This year, we shared one class together. I basically ignored him (or tried to) for the entire year. I don't think I talked to him in person at all... well maybe once, when I complemented him on his juggling skills. Which by the way are phenomenal--ASIDE FROM THE POINT. Ok so yup. He had another girlfriend this year, once again they looked like a great couple. None of my business though. They broke up and now there's just me, an insanely creepy broken girl and then there's him, just being normal.

Why.

My main motive for asking this is to get a direct answer so I can finally get over him. In an attempt to do just that, I Facebook chatted him telling him I thought he was so attractive, (I apologized for everything and said I don't even know what my problem is/I was working on getting over him) etc. Probably one of the scariest things I have done in my life. Obviously, I am so stupid because a week or so later, he spontaneously blocked me on twitter. Then he unfriended me on Facebook. I wasn't crushed at all. Just confused--and I would assume he was very creeped out by me. For once, I thought I could finally put him aside and leave him alone.

And then, today happened.

Yup. I was walking with a friend, and he was walking with a friend. No big deal at all, seriously. We passed by each other in a very crowded hallway. Once again, doesn't mean anything. But then I turned around, a double-take of sorts, (which I never do) and that's when I saw it. He was going down the stairs, and when I looked at him he looked at me. That's it. I lost it after that. I am so scared that he thinks I'm a... well to be honest, I am quite creepy towards him. But only him though! I have other guy friends and I'm cool with them, etc. He has this weird effect on me. It needs to stop now. I'm sick of not knowing how much he hates me.

But if he hated me, why did look at me twice? Was it a look of disgust? His face looked normal. Just a glare. I will never know what's in his mind, and frankly I don't think he knows what's in mine either.

Please help. I apologize for the length and pathetic qualities of this rant, but this is a real issue that has lingered in my mind for a good 3 years. 3 is enough--what should I do? Keep in mind, he unfriended me and I can't really talk to him unless it's in person--and I absolutely can't do that. I would have a heart attack. I miss the days when we were friends... people change. But I need to know: coincidence? Hatred? Neutrality? Guys may be hard to predict, but he certainly doesn't like me.

I need to know what might be going on in his head, why he has done the things he did, and what I should do. I know I need to move on, but don't just say that. I know. I've tried. If anything, how do I?

Thank you! :)

[talaniman]

Don't worry about what's in his head as nobody but him can know such a thing. Its unfortunate about the events that came between you but they have happened and there is no changing them so focus on you not him and enjoy your other friends and activities.

Hard not to dwell but try and move yourself forward by focusing on things you like and the people you like them with.

[dontknownuthin]

I think you're imagining most of your relationship and letting social media and all this other junk get in the way of clearing the air.

I think you need to find a time to talk to him in person, or call him on the phone. Then just be calm, rational and tell him the truth. Plan what you are going to say and ask him to just hear you out. If you can't talk to him, give him a hand-written letter, in person. Be honest but don't ask him for anything or act pathetic.

"Dave, I am very uncomfortable around and about you because we had a great friendship, and I regret that it got ruined. I want to clear the air, and after that, if you want to be friends, I would love it. I just don't want bad feelings or misunderstandings to go on forever, so I wanted to stick my neck out, risk making an idiot of myself and tell you the truth.

First, please know, I did not post the nasty things on your account. To the contrary, I considered you one of my best friends and had had a crush on you for a long time. I would not have done that and I don't know who did.

Second, I was immature and embarassed when my friend asked you if you liked me. When she reported back to me that you thought of me as "just friends", I was embarassed and it hurt my feelings because I had a crush on you. When I said to you in the hall, "I don't like you", it came out wrong. I meant to tell you that I didn't like you in a romantic way and it came out as if I DISLIKED you. I was trying to undo the awkwardness she created by asking you that question, so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me, but it backfired. I actually did like you in a romantic way, so it was a dumb thing for me to say in any case. It is the worst thing I've ever said to anyone and I really regret I said it to a friend. In my defense I can only say, I was in eighth grade and had the maturity of an eighth grader who had a crush on a friend for the first time.

Third, I've been really tied up in knots emotionally about how I've treated you, and how our friendship has unravelled. I know I made a fool of myself when I sloppily approached you about this because my emotions got the best of me. When you blocked me from your accounts, I was pretty sure I had come off like a stalker or something. Please know, I will respect your wishes. If you want to be friends, we'll be friends. If you want to part ways, I will be disappointed but will respect your wishes.

In any event, if we do have to part ways, I want to tell you to know that I regret handling things poorly, and I think you're a great person. It was unfair to both of us that someone would say bad things about you and blame it on me and I hope you know I was hurt by those actions, too. My own comments and actions made things worse, and for that, I apologize.

I will appreciate if you will keep this conversation (letter) private."

[whatsgucci]

Thank you sooo much. I will definitely take your advice to heart. <3 Thank you!!