[Livelaughlove24]

My boyfriend comes from a non-affectionate type of family. His parents have never told him they love him, or hugged him.. etc.

He told me last night that I overwhelm him with kisses and such. At first I was upset, but then I realized that he is just asking for a bit of space. I told him I am that way because I hope to get it back in return. He doesn't kiss me that much, and I just crave that. It is stupid because everything else in our relationship is great. I have never been the clingy type until I got with him so I guess my question is, how can I learn to back off, and still feel good about our relationship? And how can I deal with a more less affectionate man?

Any advice would help out. I know others have been in this situation before.

[Homegirl 50]

If you care about him, you respect him by giving him space, but don't do it thinking he will change. He may not. So what you need to do is ask yourself if perhaps you two are not compatible or if you can deal with a relationship with little or no affection.
How long have you two been dating?

[Wondergirl]

I am married to a man (for 45+ years) who is not at all affectionate or romantic. I cannot remember the last time he kissed me -- maybe once or twice while we were dating. His idea of affection is changing the oil in my car and feeding our four cats before I get up in the morning and putting the newspaper pages back in good order before he gives them to me to read.

Affection can also be how well he treats you more than how physically demonstrative he is. I had boyfriends who were always ready to kiss and hug but then cheated on me or disrespected me in various ways.

[Homegirl 50]

It is a matter of what you can and are willing to deal with.

[Livelaughlove24]

He does do very nice things like getting me flowers and taking me to dinner and writing me cute little notes and such, and I have started to appreciate it more. That may just be the way he shows he cares about me, and I am willing to accept that. He tells me he really likes me and cares so I guess I just need to realize that's how it is.

We have been together for only 4 months so still fairly new which is why its weird normally newer couples are very affectionate in the beginning.

[Homegirl 50]

This is a new relationship and like I said before you have to decide of this is enough for you.
I know I am an affectionate person. I could not deal with someone who is not. I like physical contact. Everyone has their own thing they can do or not do.

[Livelaughlove24]

Yeah you're right. I have noticed that I am physical with my boyfriend now, but wasn't this way with my ex boyfriends. With my ex boyfriends, this would not of been an issue, that is why I am willing to work through it because he has gotten better since the start. I just have a hard time controlling myself around him.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know that a relationship involving changing who/what either one of you is works out successfully - talking about it and reaching a resolution would work. Just trying to change? I don't think so.

[Homegirl 50]

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again
Exactly!

[dontknownuthin]

This is a matter where you have to decide if you are able to change. Can you feel adequately loved with someone who is there for you but does not often, maybe not even ever, tell you he loves you or give you hugs or kisses for no reason?

I would suggest you think whether you really need and want love and companionship, and that is enough; or if you need and want love and companionship which is frequently proven. This is not a trick question, there is no right answer but the truth. If you feel slighted or hurt that he doesn't hold your hand walking through the mall, or doesn't hug and kiss you as often as you would, the hurt is going to build.

We can't really guess whether this is serious enough to be an issue of incompatibility, or if you are able - and wanting to - accept his way, no matter how minimal, of showing that he loves you.

[talaniman]

Relax, enjoy what you have and see what happens. Its to soon to rearrange the furniture, or know what will happen next. Relax, and don't push.