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sierra2005 · Apr 15, 2013, 05:28 PM

I met this guy on the Internet and we talk. We talk about everything. Well the other night I was laying on the couch with my husband when the phone rang and it was that guy. He wanted to talk to me and my husband says no. I never met the guy. My husband says I'm having and affair when all I'm doing is talking to the guy. What should I do? My husband and I are Catholic. We have been together for 10 years with 2 kids. What should I do?

smoothy · Apr 15, 2013, 05:35 PM

Stop talking to him... would you think it was OK if your husband was talking with women off the internet... for any reason at all? That would be self explanatory to most people. If he was I bet YOU would be screaming bloody murder.

teacherjenn4 · Apr 15, 2013, 05:36 PM

Your husband doesn't want you to do it, so why would you? Is your marriage important to you?

odinn7 · Apr 15, 2013, 05:39 PM

Well maybe... Tell him that he is free to talk to women on the internet and if they want to call him and talk to him, of course you would be fine with that as well. Also, you could mention that if they talk often enough, and become close enough, they could probably arrange to meet somewhere and hang out... make sure he understands that it can only be someone to talk to and nothing else... you know, like you would have course.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2013, 10:07 PM

You really do need some real family friends. Not strangers off the internet.

Oliver2011 · Apr 16, 2013, 04:25 AM

I am not sure what your religion has to do with this but I do agree with your husband. You are headed down a bad path. If your goal is to end your marriage by all means continue this path. You are having an emotional affair. The physical one comes next. Also do you really want to be friends with someone that doesn't respect boundaries?

Cat1864 · Apr 16, 2013, 05:33 AM

Is this an isolated case or has your husband tried to control who you talk to in other places and areas of your life? If this had been a female friend would he have reacted the same way?

I realize that I have a very different view of friendships than some. I rarely make distinctions between same and opposite sex friends. Trying to limit friendships to same sex is only a beginning point if there are insecurity issues. Just because someone is of the same gender doesn't mean they are of the same sexual preference. If I worried about my husband talking to female friends then I would also have to be concerned about him talking to homosexual or bi-sexual friends and he would have the right to be concerned about some of my same-sex friendships.

Anyone can be a 'threat' to a marriage if the couple allows it. Same-sex heterosexual friends can be an issue if the partner spends a lot of time with them or shares more than the other partner is comfortable with. It is a common theme in the questions we are asked.

Rather than limiting who can be a friend, I suggest sitting down with your husband and setting boundaries of good behavior that you both agree to and will abide by. The boundaries may include when talking to friends is appropriate (cuddle time would be a bad time), how much time is spent talking to friends (friends shouldn't interfere with your marriage), etc.

Friends and contact with them should not be 'hidden'. If possible, introductions with the other partner should be made. It doesn't mean they have to become friends, but if it happens, great. I am also not saying complete conversations should be repeated or any written messages should be handed over to be read. I am saying you shouldn't go to extreme measures to keep correspondence from being seen. Hiding in bathrooms or closets to read emails or texts is not good behavior.

With all of that said, only you know how you feel about your friend. It may be time to ask yourself if the friendship is what you need or if you are getting something from it that is missing in your marriage. If you are using the friend to cover up any voids such as a need for attention, feeling special, being listened to, etc. then you should back off from the friendship and start looking at how to fix the issues in your marriage. Be honest with yourself.

Listen to your husband and discuss his fears. Let him know that accusing you of infidelity is not going to help the relationship. If he has concerns, they need to be discussed and handled instead of covering them up with accusations and demands.

Work together as a couple and keep your marriage strong and healthy.