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finnethan · Apr 13, 2013, 10:05 PM

I am 23 years old, was married before and got separated but not legally. I had a boyfriend and got pregnant. My boyfriend and I were really in good terms, we live-in together at my parent's house when we knew that I was already pregnant, and now that I'm already five months pregnant with him, he suddenly disappeared. I caught him with another girl wherein his whole family was also involved. That happened just this last April 11, 2013. No explanation was given to me why He did that and even on what plans he has for his future baby. I would like to ask for help, on what action must I do since I was trying to talk to him in person but he refuses and said "Im sorry for everything". Just like that. I would not accept that kind of sorry/apology because I need him to support me all throughout my child's delivery. Is it possible to file child abandonment for just leaving me behind while carrying his child? Or just child support since were not married? Or should I say do I have the right to charge or demand him something for our child even the child is not yet born? Please help me. Give me advise on what to do. I want to be enlightened. Thank you very much.

joypulv · Apr 14, 2013, 03:07 AM

First we need to know what country you live in, and what state or province.
In the US, you would go to Family Court after the child is born to ask them to order a DNA test with the father (if he can be found) and child, and then file for child support. It is complicated by the fact that you are separated from your husband and still married.

finnethan · Apr 14, 2013, 04:35 AM

I'm from the Antipolo City, Philippines. For DNA testing, will I be the one to pay for that? Yes. I know my situation is really complicated but if filing for child support is possible then I would do everything for my future son. We did not have any problems at all, He just went away with someone without letting me know that's why I think it's really unfair to abandon the child just like that because its still his son no matter what.

cdad · Apr 14, 2013, 05:01 AM

Originally Posted by finnethan

I'm from the Antipolo City, Philippines. For DNA testing, will I be the one to pay for that? Yes. I know my situation is really complicated but if filing for child support is possible then I would do everything for my future son. We did not have any problems at all, He just went away with someone without letting me know that's why I think it's really unfair to abandon the child just like that because its still his son no matter what.

Are you still married or not? The way your question reads you started living deperate without a lagal separation and no divorce yet. Is that what is going on ?

ScottGem · Apr 14, 2013, 06:20 AM

There is little complicated about your situation. The only complication is that under Phillippine law (which is similar to US law) your husband is the still the legal father.

Once the child is born, you go to Family Court and file for child support from the bio father. And no there is no abandonment issue here.

Your future child has the right to be supported financially by both parents. I'm not sure what other right you would be asking about.

joypulv · Apr 14, 2013, 06:28 AM

You have 4 months before you can even begin to know what will happen, because the DNA test has to be after the child is born. Call your nearest Family Court and ask about who pays for testing (around $175 in the US).

If he can't be found for DNA testing, you should try with his last known address.

No one is arguing about what is fair. This is a legal question.

cdad · Apr 14, 2013, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

You have 4 months before you can even begin to know what will happen, because the DNA test has to be after the child is born. Call your nearest Family Court and ask about who pays for testing (around $175 in the US).

If he can't be found for DNA testing, you should try with his last known address.

No one is arguing about what is fair. This is a legal question.

You keep mentioning he. Who is "he"? We first need to find out the marriage status of the OP as in many states the presumed father of the child is going to be the husband. If that is the case then the husband will be on the hook for child support. Also depending on where this is all taking place there are specific rules as to the challenge of paternity. We need to be careful with this and not jump too far ahead.

finnethan · Apr 14, 2013, 08:18 AM

I am STILL married with my husband. We got separated but NOT legally. Now, I had a new boyfriend who I'm pregnant with. When I caught my boyfriend cheating I decided to discontinue the relationship even pregnant. Now, as I communicate with him through text messages only, he keeps on telling me that he's not forgetting his responsibility but what I want is to have at least an agreement or letter that He would take care of my child delivery's expenses as he promised. I want that in writing just to have something to hold on to. Can I do that? And later on as the child comes, request for support? Or if worst comes to worst and my boyfriend did not do what he has promised, file a criminal case against him? Please help, I don't know what to do. He refuses to talk in person that's why I have a feeling that he's not true to his words. Thank you.

joypulv · Apr 14, 2013, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by cdad

You keep mentioning he. Who is "he"?. We first need to find out the marriage status of the OP as in many states the presumed father of the child is going to be the husband. If that is the case then the husband will be on the hook for child support. Also depending on where this is all taking place there are specific rules as to the challange of paternity. We need to be careful with this and not jump too far ahead.

I wasn't confused about husband vs subsequent boyfriend.

cdad · Apr 14, 2013, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I wasn't confused about husband vs subsequent boyfriend.

I knew you weren't confused. It just seemed you were jumping ahead a bit. Now we know that the OP is still married.

finnethan · Apr 14, 2013, 09:07 AM

So what is it that I can do right now? Can I ask for at least witten agreement even just for my delivery? Thank you.

ScottGem · Apr 14, 2013, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by finnethan

So what is it that I can do right now? Can I ask for atleast witten agreement even just for my delivery? Thank you.

You can ask for anything you want. But you can't go to court until after the child is born. And any agreement before then, will not have the force of law.