[i12bmenhappy]

The first part of mine and my husband’s relationship was all centered around alcohol. He was a heavy drinker and I drank too at the time. All of his friends were frat brothers and he was still living that college lifestyle. It became a regular thing to go get drunk with his friends; I began to hate it because I never knew what was real and what was a drunken fuzz. We got serious quickly and in the back of my mind I wondered if he was moving forward soberly or not. I work during the day and only saw him at night and by that time he would be getting tipsy already. I had a bad experience one night when we went out. I didn’t stop when I hit my limit and I acted inappropriately. I could tell I had hurt him and I stopped drinking that day. I realized what was more important and I took a stand for that. For several months I didn’t touch a drop. I was the DD and I began to feel that that was the only reason he was in the relationship with me. He began drinking even heavier to the point of shear meanness. He called me names, spit on me and locked me out of our house several times. The straw that broke the camels back was the night he asked me to go out with him but then left me at the bar alone with no ride. I had to call someone to come get me. I heard from him later that night…. At 4am two hours after the bars close he needed picked up from some girls house that he had gone home with. I packed my bag and left the next morning. He promised me everything in the world. That he would never drink again. And I loved him so I took him back. But just 2 weeks later he told me that he didn’t want to be with me if it meant never drinking again. I gave in and told him I would compromise. But it has all started to happen again. What can I do to make him stop this behavior? I don’t want to expose our future family to his drunken behavior. He scares me, he hurts me and the sad part is he never remembers it so he is never sorry. What can I do when the alcohol has become more important?

[Lowtax4eva]

Try and get him into treatment or leave, that's about all you can do.

[phillysteakandcheese]

You can't help him any further. He's made his choice - his first love is the alcohol, not you.

You can tell him about all the things he does while he is drunk, and ask him to go to stop drinking or go to AA for help. But if he refuses, you have no choice but to leave.

I know you want to "save" your marriage, but understand that your husband is an alcoholic - The drink is more important that you or the marriage. Until he realizes he has a problem and genuinely seeks out help, you can't help him any further.

The best thing you can do is leave the situation. Until he has the wake up call you did, he has no reason to stop drinking. If or when he does stop drinking, you can try to rebuild the relationship - unclouded by alcohol.