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haileysxcommett · Mar 23, 2013, 12:10 PM

I'm trying to find out, for future references, what I will have to do to change my daughters last name when I get married. Her biological father is NOT on her birth certificate, nor does she have his last name. She has my last name. He did not meet her until she was almost 6 months old, and left before she was 11 months old. He was NEVER around, and never helped with her, held her, or anything. All he did was party, as well as do other "unmentionables". In that time, however, he did manipulate me into letting him sign and acknowledgement of paternity (threatening that if I didn't let him, he would run away with her, etc.) I was stupid back then and was afraid of the worst, so I let him sign it. My fiancé has been the only "daddy" she has ever known, and when we get married he wants to adopt her and change her last name to his, and I couldn't be happier about this. But can we do this without the biological father being involved, considering we have never seen/heard from him, received any type of physical or financial support, or even know of his whereabouts?

Wondergirl · Mar 23, 2013, 12:16 PM

You will have to get his permission for the adoption and for any name change. Others here more versed in the legalities will respond further with details.

Do you know where he lives, his location? No friends/relatives who might know?

ScottGem · Mar 23, 2013, 12:30 PM

He is the legal father. Any court will require that he agree to the adoption. At the least you will be required to show a good faith effort to get his agreement.

Why haven't you gone after him for child support?

haileysxcommett · Mar 23, 2013, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

He is the legal father. Any court will require that he agree to the adoption. At the least you will be required to show a good faith effort to get his agreement.
Why haven't you gone after him for child support?

I never took him to court for child support because he made it very clear that he did NOT want to give me any money. When moved out, he moved in with my best friend (who he had apparently been seeing during our entire relationship, and she is now in a lot of trouble due to drug use.) All of his friends are worthless, drug using guys who do nothing but party, and as far as I know, he still lives with them. His entire family is known for making/selling/using drugs, and both of his parents have been in prison for the past 12 years for making & using meth. His ENTIRE family is like that, and he still goes around them. And that is NOT an environment that I would ever let my daughter be in! And if I ever took him to court for child support, he would try to get visitation just to try to hurt me (he said this MANY times, that he would be able to come pick her up and I wouldn't have a say-so over who he took her around, meaning his drug-addict family and friends.) I am so afraid that he would be able to manipulate his way into getting visitation, even though he has never cared about her or even tried to see her... I just don't know what to do.

haileysxcommett · Mar 23, 2013, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You will have to get his permission for the adoption and for any name change. Others here more versed in the legalities will respond further with details.

Do you know where he lives, his location? no friends/relatives who might know?

I have a pretty good idea of where he might live, but if you read my response to the previous question, you'll understand why I haven't exactly gone looking for him. I have the same address and phone number that I've had for 3 years. I'm not exactly hiding from him, if he wanted to contact us, it wouldn't be in any way difficult. But he hasn't, he never wanted to to begin with. He only came around for a few months to try to keep me from getting him for child support to begin with I suppose. But like I said in the previous response, I know if I tried to take him to court for child support, I'm afraid he would try to get visitation just to use her against me and take her into horrible environments, and I don't know if the courts would make me put him on her birth certificate and make me give her his last name, etc.

Wondergirl · Mar 23, 2013, 01:56 PM

You do realize he can demand visitation at any time, don't you, especially if he can prove he's the father. He may wake up one day and do exactly that

ScottGem · Mar 23, 2013, 03:23 PM

First, I have to say this though it sounds harsh because the courts will ask the same question. This man was OK to have sex with, but now that the sex produced a child he isn't fit to be a parent. You agreed to have sex with him and you are going to be paying for that decision.

The reason I asked about support was because if there was a support order, frequently the parent paying support will agree to the adoption because it stops the support obligation.

But the bottom line here is the court will require that the father be contacted or at least a good faith attempt be made. I suggest you start shopping around for an attorney to help you prepare the adoption.