[blueeyedfairy36]

I have been married for 16 years and with him 18 years. In the beging he told me that he had cronic fatique syndrome, I loved him and agreed to be the bread winner of the family. He stayed home and took care of our son and just hung out. After 13 years of whatching this and living with giving my all and not getting what I needed, I requested that he start helping. If he was going to be home then why not take care of our home. This did not work, he told me that he could do it but it would never meet my standards so I should just do it myself. I told him that it didn't matter how well he did it, I would just appreciate the effort but I got no effort in return. My husband is a man that tells me daily how beautiful I am and that I'm the love of his life. He knows how to control me mentally. Him being so loving made it hard to tell him he had to work or else and at first it did not work. I have been with him long enough to know that he truly does not have chronic fatique and this makes me feel used and lied to because he knows I have a big heart. We both ended up committing adultry, me with someone knew in my life and him with my best friend. This has made a big hole in our relatkonship and has left me feeling empty towards him sexually. This is difficult considering that he thinks that he has to have sex daily no matter how I feel. He is now trying and working daily but he won't change his controlling attitude. Im unhappy and don't know what to do, is there any advise out there ? Is it me ?

[armywife060]

I have been married for almost 7 years. About 3 years ago I took our daughter and left because of his infidelity. He begged and pleaded for me to come back for 3 weeks. He said he loved me and he would change. So I did. Because of his mental control over me I haven't been able to speak to my family. Not even a year later he cheated again. I now have two kids with him. He has been out of work over a month now and he does norhing around the houae. I stay for my kids. I still love him. But I too am frustrated over house work not getting done. So really the choice to stay is completely up to you. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

[teacherjenn4]

It's time for counseling, not only alone, but as a couple.

[dontknownuthin]

I hate to be so cynical but he's shown you who he is. He's contributing nothing to the family. You're doing it all on your own anyway, so I'd leave him.

He's not helping you achieve your goals, he's a bad example for your children, and he's a financial drain to you. Be forewarned you may have to pay alimony to him since you've tolerated him being dead weight, but the court can require that he apply for disability, and if he is not found disabled and qualifying, he will have to get a job.

I would not run back based on a promise that he's going to do better. Make a clean break - he's had plenty of chances to change and if your only currency to get him to engage in the relationship as an equal party is to leave, the relationship is pointless.

[smkanand]

My aunt has controlling husband, he is pretty much working since beginning, their 2 sons are now successful jobs but he still controls her. She never left him and he never cheated her. But she feels like helpless. Only for love and her sons she made this marriage work. So it's really up to you what you want.