[gratefullydead]

My boyfriend and I are both in our early 20's and recently moved in together after he relocated across the country for a new job. We have been together for about 10 months.

A few weeks after I got here, I found what I thought was another girl's thong in his underwear drawer. He finally admitted to me that it was his and that he likes to wear thongs but (he brought this part up) that it doesn't mean he is gay. I told him that I just want him to be happy and to be himself with me.

Today, I got onto his computer and while trying to find a webpage in the history that I had looked at a few days ago, I stumbled upon some porn sites. The sites only have photos of penises and he looked at tons of them. I also found searches for things like "huge cocks".

I have no idea what to do from here. I enjoy having sex with women on occasion and he is totally fine with that so I'm trying to be open-minded. But I'm afraid that if I ask him about this, even gently, he will lie. If he is looking at these sites, how could he be totally straight? How do I handle this?

[Oliver2011]

Communicate with him. However if you ask be ready for any answer you may get. Hopefully since you all made the big step of moving in together you are to the point in the relationship where you tell each other the truth. And as a gay guy myself I can tell you there are tons of guys out there that love sex with guys while they are in a committed relationship with women.

[smoothy]

Wearing women's underwear would make him a cross dresser and most cross dressers aren't gay statistically.

Now keep in mind... they do make mens thongs in a huge variety of styles... (do an eBay search if you doubt me). YOu just don't find them in your average mens department.

On the search... that can be a lot of things... because there is an entire genre of well hung guys with women... and not just alone or with other guys... there isn't enough to go on there with a two word search its too broad of a topic.

Lastly... what are you doing snooping around on his computer for anyway? That's a violation of his privacy... would you be as happy if he was rooting around in your purse... your cell phone or your computer... or your dresser drawers?

[fredg]

If you enjoy having sex with other women sometimes, I don'tsee any problem here with him and his choices. You are very liberal with your sexual ideas, so I think he has the same rights to be liberal also. If he is really gay, he might not want to have sex with you at all.
Any good relationship must have respect, honesty, and a willingness to talk about anything. Sounds like you have that. Good luck.

[joypulv]

I am totally flummoxed by the idea that you can have sex with women (no matter how seldom) and yet worry about whether he is gay or not. If you don't define your sexual preference, why should he? Men are more visual about sex, hence strip clubs and gifts of Victoria's Secret and watching porn and gawking out in public, etc etc etc. Women are more in the mind, hence the talk talk talk.
If your concern isn't so much sexual preference in general vs whether he prefers men over you, then ask him. He will undoubtedly say no no no, plus he will feel painted into a corner, he will feel hurt that you snooped, he will feel hurt that you even think this. But you opened this can of worms so now you have to follow through by asking, or it will drive a huge wedge between you in your own mind.

[gratefullydead]

Oliver2011, Thank you for answering without judgement. I asked him yesterday and he told me that he is bi and has tried to tell me many times but has never been sure of what to say. I have decided that if he is okay with my sexuality, I can be okay with his because it is definitely not worth losing him over. I think it was the lying that bothered me more than the topic itself.

[Oliver2011]

Well that is an awesome way to approach it and me thinks you all will be stronger from it. But that doesn't mean either one of you should cheat. It is still a commitment that you have between each other unless you decide it will be an open relationship. Not a big fan of those.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm baffled by the entire question - does it matter if he's straight, gay, bi, something else? And if so, how and why? I understand protection and disease and all of that.

Cheating is cheating. Is that your concern?