[ummkhamsa]

Assalamualaikum brother,
We are from Bangladesh. I have a sister whose 24 years old. Two years ago she was working and there she met a Pakistani guy. They were very professional in the beginning but later they started liking each other. They've not done anything haram, they only talk through phone or email my parents are not aware of their keeping contact. Even then at that time it was not that very serious. The guy proposed to my sister through her female boss who was quite close to my sister. But my dad without even giving the guy one chance said no, flatly. He refused because he is from Pakistan otherwise the guy looks good, is decent, is trying to be a better Muslim, and has a good job. Masha Allah. My dad keeps on telling us 'look at what the Pakistanis have done to us to our country, they raped so many of our women, they killed so many of our people, children etc.

I’ve tried to tell him yes we understand but that’s not a good reason to not let two Muslims not get married. I’ve also said that its allowed in Islam, look at the egs of the prophet. If we even try to explain about this they get really emotional like over our dead body'. 'If you want get married we won’t be present' etc. Every other day my parents bring up the topic of marriage to a Bengali and how not all Bengali guys are bad some of them are decent' but doesn’t it also applies to a Paki guy also?

My sister prefers someone whose born and brought up in UAR as we live in UAR because similarities in thought process, than to a Bengali guy who has lived all his life in Bangladesh. My sister is totally put off by the topic because of constant nagging. My dad retires in a year that’s why the pressure on my sister. They say things like we can’t find a guy over here you will have to go back to your own country, that’s where you belong that’s where we are from, etc. But there is a guy right in front of them which they can’t see. I’m so sorry for making this so long.

I wanted to ask can father do this? Can he use his rights to prevent something halal from taking place? Is his rights still intact regarding giving permission when he is clearly misusing, abusing his rights over my sister while she has no rights to get married to this guy? My sister who suffers from pcosand is stressed is picking up a lot of weight. Should a person get married to make their parents happy, or get married for the right reasons? Isn’t marriage personal and the decision of a lifetime? Again I’m so sorry for making this so long. Jazak Allah Kharan for your time and patience.

[dontknownuthin]

As a woman, I commend you for supporting your sister. I am American and want to ask, can your father legally prevent your sister from marrying the man of her choice? I know it is important to have your father's approval in your country, but is it possible for her to marry without it?

As a parent, I do not believe we can live our children's lives. We raise them the best we can and teach them what is important, then must trust them to go into the world and apply what we have taught. They will not do everything our way, as we did not do everything as our parents wished, and they, in turn, did not do everything as their parents wished.

Sometimes we must take a stand that is in opposition to what our families want us to do, and I think choosing who to marry is the time to do this. Your father will not live your sister's life and will not always be around to take care of her. She needs to find her own path in life. She has chosen a man who shares and honors your faith and that should be enough.