[Kryssie]

I know that many women feel insecure about their partners watching porn, I'm just wondering how men feel about their girlfriends or wives watching porn without them and getting off?

[odinn7]

I'm fine with it... in fact, I like the idea.

[WisperWill70]

Most guys are A-OK with this ;) your guy may even WANT you to connect to your sexuality and learn new tricks.

The only exception is when a guy feels like his girlfriend is dishonest or doing more than just watching porn.

[fredg]

I don't have anything to do with porn, and feel it is something that is not necessary. I wouldn't want my girlfriend doing anything like that.

[Kryssie]

I'm fine with it...in fact, I like the idea.

Why do you like the idea?

Most guys are A-OK with this ;) your guy may even WANT you to connect to your sexuality and learn new tricks.

The only exception is when a guy feels like his girlfriend is dishonest or doing more than just watching porn.

What does that mean? "connect to your sexuality"? Shouldn't the boyfriend be the one who's got enough skill to get the girl to "connect"?

I don't have anything to do with porn, and feel it is something that is not necessary. I wouldn't want my girlfriend doing anything like that.

It is Very rare, that I come across a man with this view. May I ask why you are against porn?

[odinn7]

why do you like the idea?

I like the idea of a woman that feels free enough to do that.

It is Very rare, that I come across a man with this view. May I ask why you are against porn?

No! Don't! Oh man, too late...

[Alty]

It is Very rare, that I come across a man with this view. May I ask why you are against porn?

Fred is an older man, in his late 70's I believe. When he was young enough to enjoy porn, there really wasn't much of it available. He grew up in a different time, so really, I think it's a matter of fearing the unknown.

What does that mean? "connect to your sexuality"? Shouldn't the boyfriend be the one who's got enough skill to get the girl to "connect"?

So you expect every guy you're with to have the skill to get you off? Wow, talk about pressure, and unrealistic expectations. Where is he getting this skill? Why are you leaving your sexual pleasure to someone else? Why aren't you taking control of it yourself?

[Kryssie]

@Alty...
Lol You make me sound like a tyrant. I'm just simply trying to understand that's all.

So you guys don't mind your girls feeling themselves up with other men in mind?
It just doesn't make sense to me

[Wondergirl]

@Alty...
Lol You make me sound like a tyrant. I'm just simply trying to understand that's all.

So you guys don't mind your girls feeling themselves up with other men in mind?
It just doesn't make sense to me

If anything, it excites them beyond belief.

Fred is an older man, in his late 70's I believe. When he was young enough to enjoy porn, there really wasn't much of it available. He grew up in a different time, so really, I think it's a matter of fearing the unknown.

No, he is a Christian and there was a HUGE effort back during his formative years (and still is the case, most of the time) by Christian churches, especially conservative/fundie ones, to outlaw porn. And there was LOTS of porn available!

[talaniman]

Why would a healthy secure confident male care what his female does with her own fantasies? Its only insecure humans that have problems with their partners habits. Insecurity and fear make for a very closed mind.

Its mostly that fear that stands in the way of understanding, or acceptance. Not a bad thing as some have more fear than others. The essence of any relationship is accepting your partners bad points (your idea of what's bad, mind you), as well as the good because who's perfect? We all have bad points, no matter how hard we try to be good.

So be it porn, or snoring, can you deal with their bad habits traits? If you can't, then remove yourself from the relationship. To understand others, you first have to understand yourself. Maybe its not them you cannot understand, its YOU! We cannot always help how we feel about things, nor control the feeling of our partners, but we can decide what we do about it.

Deal with it together or apart, your choice.

[MadlyInLove]

I think you can't generalize a whole gender like that. Some men might enjoy it, others might be against it. And others may be indifferent. It's up to each individual person, there's not a formula and it's not a science. Everyone reacts in different ways.

[Kryssie]

So yes, I'm one of the 100's of women in the world who are trying very hard to comprehend a mans need for porn. I am in a distance relationship of little more than four years. We see each as often as possible and talk about 2 hours a day. I used to send him dirty pictures and the occasional naughty video, but I stopped as a few weeks ago we were looking through his laptop and I came across 100's and 100's of video's and pictures. I didn't really have any reaction (as I've heard many times that it's a guy thing) but after a few days I started thinking (apparently it had been more than 3 weeks since he'd looked at a picture of me), and I still can't grasp the concept. I mean I understand it, but I don't understand why women just have to accept it. Society has changed so much and men and women have had to adapt in so many ways, So why can't men adapt for the women they love if they have an issue with it. I personally feel that saying it's the women problem and that she is insecure etc is a cop out and a way to make the women feel like she is over reacting. I have made many many MANY compromises in my relationship and have yet to ask him to compromise for me, so why can't he compromise on this one issue? He is allowed to pleasure himself while imagining his hands all over another women, but if I point out a good looking guy in a movie he gets mad at me... it all just confuses me..

[backpack2389]

"I mean I understand it, but I don't understand why women just have to accept it."

They don't have to accept it. You're just left with limited options. If you can accept it, you can try to find one of the many men who use it. If you really object, you can try to find the rare man who does not use it. If you want a man who doesn't use it, but can't find him, then you can be alone. But you don't really have the option of meeting someone and expecting to ask him/her to change and that applies to every behavior, not just fantasizing about other people. And it's not because we aren't adaptable or because we can't learn to compromise, it's because expecting someone to change when they may never change is setting you both up for frustration, disappointment, hurt feelings, etc.

"So why can't men adapt for the women they love if they have an issue with it."

I think that men do adapt, maybe more than they like to admit because they are supposed to be independent agents. For example, my boyfriend takes a vitamin everyday because I ask him to. He cuts down on his behaviors that I find disgusting (like picking his nose, passing gas proudly in public, and going to the bathroom with the door open). Part of that is because I ask him to, but another major part of his willingness to change in those areas is that he recognizes, at least in part, that society finds those behaviors less than polite. In other words, he has an independent sense that what he's doing is rude, abnormal, offensive to people in general.
With porn, it's much more personal and much more widespread. It's also hard to determine whether it's right or wrong because the attitudes of the public are all over the spectrum. I think you're just at the wrong point in the timeline of society to try to pick this fight and I don't think it's worth you're stress.

“I personally feel that saying it's the women problem and that she is insecure etc is a cop out and a way to make the women feel like she is over reacting.”

Agreed. I don't think the only source of negative feelings toward porn stem from insecurity. Some people object because it's exploitive and/or because they're upset that their partners like viewing people in such objectified ways. Also, if porn feels like cheating to you, you can be upset about it because you feel betrayed. When someone does have an affair, we don't turn to the betrayed spouse and say their negative feelings are only coming from insecurities and they need to just deal with that. But it also doesn't mean that working on your insecurities wouldn't be good for you or that they may be feeding/biasing your negative perspective of porn use.

“I have made many many MANY compromises in my relationship and have yet to ask him to compromise for me, so why can't he compromise on this one issue? He is allowed to pleasure himself while imagining his hands all over another women, but if I point out a good looking guy in a movie he gets mad at me... it all just confuses me.. ”

If you are the only one compromising or if he cannot see his unfair sexual standard (he can look and fantasize about others but you cannot) then there is something wrong and it has nothing to do with porn. Successful relationships have to have compromise and they have to work according to guidelines that both parties agree are fair and reasonable. The lack of fairness and compromise in your relationship is something that you need to talk about with him.

[Kryssie]

"I mean I understand it, but I don't understand why women just have to accept it."

They don't have to accept it. You're just left with limited options. If you can accept it, you can try to find one of the many men who use it. If you really object, you can try to find the rare man who does not use it. If you want a man who doesn't use it, but can't find him, then you can be alone. But you don't really have the option of meeting someone and expecting to ask him/her to change and that applies to every behavior, not just fantasizing about other people. And it’s not because we aren’t adaptable or because we can’t learn to compromise, it’s because expecting someone to change when they may never change is setting you both up for frustration, disappointment, hurt feelings, etc.,

"So why can't men adapt for the women they love if they have an issue with it."

I think that men do adapt, maybe more than they like to admit because they are supposed to be independent agents. For example, my boyfriend takes a vitamin everyday because I ask him to. He cuts down on his behaviors that I find disgusting (like picking his nose, passing gas proudly in public, and going to the bathroom with the door open). Part of that is because I ask him to, but another major part of his willingness to change in those areas is that he recognizes, at least in part, that society finds those behaviors less than polite. In other words, he has an independent sense that what he’s doing is rude, abnormal, offensive to people in general.
With porn, it’s much more personal and much more widespread. It’s also hard to determine whether it’s right or wrong because the attitudes of the public are all over the spectrum. I think you’re just at the wrong point in the timeline of society to try to pick this fight and I don’t think it’s worth you’re stress.

“I personally feel that saying it's the women problem and that she is insecure etc is a cop out and a way to make the women feel like she is over reacting.”

Agreed. I don’t think the only source of negative feelings toward porn stem from insecurity. Some people object because it’s exploitive and/or because they’re upset that their partners like viewing people in such objectified ways. Also, if porn feels like cheating to you, you can be upset about it because you feel betrayed. When someone does have an affair, we don’t turn to the betrayed spouse and say their negative feelings are only coming from insecurities and they need to just deal with that. But it also doesn’t mean that working on your insecurities wouldn’t be good for you or that they may be feeding/biasing your negative perspective of porn use.

“I have made many many MANY compromises in my relationship and have yet to ask him to compromise for me, so why can't he compromise on this one issue? He is allowed to pleasure himself while imagining his hands all over another women, but if I point out a good looking guy in a movie he gets mad at me... it all just confuses me..”

If you are the only one compromising or if he cannot see his unfair sexual standard (he can look and fantasize about others but you cannot) then there is something wrong and it has nothing to do with porn. Successful relationships have to have compromise and they have to work according to guidelines that both parties agree are fair and reasonable. The lack of fairness and compromise in your relationship is something that you need to talk about with him.

Thank you. Thank you very very much. This to me is the most helpful advise I've gotten or read so far. Very much appreciated