[frilkieg]

My Partner has twin girls aged 8, I have been with them since they were about 2 and although they do not call me dad they understand that I am what a dad is whether it be taking them to the park or telling me there thoughts. They have always known who there dad is and although useless(an alcoholic that does not care) do care for him and occasionally ask when they can talk to him(he recently has moved to New Zealand and looks like he may stay). Hered is where the problem arises, very recently my partner has told me she has doubts about who the biological father is (a one night stand at the time conception) she confessed this has been playing on her mind and was worried it was true and the children would find out. We spoke to the other man and he confirmed he thought they may be his. We then got a paternity tests and it came back the person who the children think is there dad is not! So the question has now arisen, when and how do we tell the children? The biological father is fully aware and although not ready to have children is happy to have contact if that is what they want. The 2nd problem is with the grandparents of the person they call dad as they are old fashioned and we are concerned how they will get over the fact that there grandparents no longer want anything to do with them.
Quite a pickle I know ! Please as many people reply as possible as I need a varied opinion

[tickle]

Oh god I feel your pain, yes, what a pickle. How old are the children, for one thing? And you did say the dad they think is their's has moved and may not be coming back, which is a good thing if he never does. It will simplify matters.

I think its great that you and your lady have the lines of communication open where you have discussed this; not many couples could have never got that far under the circumstances.

You did say that the real bio dad is willing to have contact with them, but I don't think this would be a good idea, maybe not inn the near future depending on how old the children are.

Let us know how old the children are so we can give this some thought.

Of course there are probably legal implications in this as well.

[frilkieg]

Thanks for your repsonse

The children are 8 (twins)

Legal implications?

[tickle]

Sorry, I missed the age of the twins in the first post. I was thinking you may want to adopt somewhere along the line. That is the only legal implication I can think of. I do think this would probably help.

[Alty]

It's really too bad that the mother of these children didn't do this right when they were born. She could have saved them a lot of heartache, not to mention the two men involved.

Too bad she can't turn back time.

I would suggest counseling for the entire family. You and the mother should go to counseling before you tell the children that the person they thought was their father, isn't. Get advice from the counselor on how to deal with this, and then put the children in counseling as well. This will likely be very hard for them to deal with, and any help they, and the grownups, can get, should be utilized.

This is not going to be easy. These poor children are about to have everything they know, everything they grew up believing, ripped away from them. But not telling them at all, is not an option. They have a right to know who their real father is.

I wish you luck. You're all going to need it.