[JudyKayTee]

Was going to add, but couldn't. My experience?

My father's mother (my Grandmother, obviously) was a very demanding woman, very. My father was an only child. When my Grandmother telephoned and needed something she expected my Dad to jump - immediately. She had opinions on how/what/when/where, whether she was asked or not.

She made helpful suggestions to my mother - suggestions which my mother neither needed nor wanted.

I remember how she meddled, even though I was a child, and I've patterned my "in law" behavior in the opposite direction.

Why my Grandmother's behavior? I have no idea. Part of it, undoubtedly, is my mother married her only son.

I only know when my Grandmother arrived we put our seatbelts on (so to speak). I know how many times my Dad got caught in the middle until he finally told my Grandmother to butt out.

She did and thinks quieted down.

And I loved my Grandmother - but I knew her feelings about my mother.

I also note that OP has dealt with depression issues - how does that play into all of this? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...do-734761.html I do notice you call people "Sweetie." Is this part of the problem with a PR daughter-in-law? (My nephew's wife is Puerto Rican and I find her to be somewhat reserved. She is very warm, but she is also very "proper.")

[mradcliffe58]

You do not sound like you have any natural children. Your reply is very vindictive.
Why would I pose a question here for opinions on a tough situation if I was an interfering old biddy? I am not. I love my sons very much. My concern is their happiness. That is why I want to disfuse an unfortunate situation. Stuff happens in life. So far I have two daughters-in- law that like me a lot. I enjoy spending time with them.. Adjusting to being an extended family is not that simple. Personalities clash, not by design, but personalities are diiferent. I don't think that you have the emotional involvement with your step-children that I have with my sons. I had a great mother-in-law and a loving mother. I would like people to answer that are not biased by past experiences!

[JudyKayTee]

If you don't want comments from anyone with lifetime experience perhaps you should post on the teen board.

I raised two of my stepchildren. I didn't birth them. That doesn't mean we don't have a mother-daughter relationship. Are you saying, for example, that the bond between adopted children and their "adoptive" mothers is different from that of natural children? Stepmothers who are in children's lives from age 2 (because Mom won't or can't be there) have a different bond?

Vindictive means spiteful, revengeful - why would I be spiteful or want revenge against you? I don't even know you!

You asked a question. You wanted answers. That's what you got. If you only want to talk to people who agree with you, ask your friends.

And, yes, spiteful old biddies (your wording) post on the Board all the time. They don't want answers or help. They want to be vindicated.

As far as your son's happiness being your main concern, is your behavior to date making him happy? And how does your depression factor into this? I think it's a fair question and might explain why your feelings are so hurt.

I'm not saying that your daughter-in-law is responsible, acts like an adult or isn't spoiled. I'm saying her behavior is not yours to judge, particularly when your son gets brought into it, possibly causing friction in his marriage.

I would also stop giving friendly employment tips to your son's wife. That's his "job" - if it's an issue for him. I'm not seeing that it is.

[mradcliffe58]

I think you are spiteful in your answer because you had a bad experience with your grandmother, your mom' s mother. I do want advice, but non biased advice would be better.
You are sure your opinion had nothing to do with that past experience? You seemed to have jumped to all kinds of conclusions. So far, all I have heard from are women who had mother, mother-in-law, or in your case, grandma problems.
Issues with women in your lives.

[JudyKayTee]

You are entitled to your opinion but you have to decide if you do or don't want advice from people who have experienced in law problems.

[Wondergirl]

Despite our education and professional experience, we still respond to questions with flavors of where we have been in life. It took nearly biting off my tongue (or typing fingers) not to mention my own mil who had grown up in a home with two alcoholic parents and was the middle child of 13 children. Talk about control! I could keep you up all night with stories about her and me! That's why I pointed out the cultural differences as possibly being one area to read up on and also suggested finding things the dil can teach the mil (and maybe vice versa, as time goes on).

Honestly think about some of the things Judy has mentioned. Certainly you aren't entirely blameless here (none of us ever are). I'm guessing I drove my mil as crazy as she too often did me. I had the education she had always wanted but never got, I stole her favorite son from her, and I could bake tons better than she even dreamed about. Over 45 years, we figured out ways to work things out (me sweating out the thinking and working-out part more than she did).

After doing some culture research and some serious thinking, list ways you can make a better relationship.