[Jexxy]

Hi
First of all, I'm japanese women who live in japan so my english is not good please understand my bad english. I have an american boyfriend we are both over 30. We met in online and everyday talked through the phone messenger for a few months. We both had a great feeling for each other. I made plan travel to america and decided to go to his city. I stayed with him in his house for over two months. I met his all family and friends and we became a boyfriend, girlfriend. We love each other sooo much. But during staying with him I found something that makes me feel not nice and strange. I thought maybe "culture shock"? I don't know... When I stayed in his house I felt sorry and I was thinking wanted to help him paying stuff for food,renting. But I couldn't help paying his rent. Because I didn't have a lot money. I always paid own my food and own stuff and many times I paid restaurants dinner, lunch and over $100~$200 grossery shopping. I was happy and I thought that's right thing I should do for him during I staying in his house. But here are strange and things made me feel not really nice and made me embarrassed.
1. Everyday I made his breakfast and lunch box for his work and dinner and all dish washed. Most of Japanese do this. He said many american girls they don't do that. And he was happy but whenever he bring a plate he never offer me and asked me. He just eat food himself front of me. I was so shocked. (had argue with this and he said its culture difference. And now he doesn't do that much)
2. My dream wish was in america... Even one time.. My boyfriend take me to restaurants and pay all. (so pitty) He never treated me not even once dinner or lunch at outside. Many times I treated and we splited even small coin as well. Even $5 drinks he wanted splited. We went to japanese bar with his male friend. Bf hesitated pay so His friend paid all. Also went to club with him and his friend we came out at 3am we were hungry and went to the burger shop. His friend keep asked me what I want to eat. He seem he always buy me food or drink when we all hang out togather. But my boyfriend always standing behind. Bf took me to the bar kept ask me what I want to drink but always I paid for my drinks. Movie also half. I didn't expect him to pay all but I think its too much for girlfriend. Am I wrong? And I was embarrassed many times.
3. We made plan to drive to other city 4hours away. He asked me to helf pay toll and petrol. I was totally understand but after all his cheap action I wasn't happy.
4. He said he want to buy me a watch so memorize him when I go back to Japan. He took me to watch shop and said get whatever you want I will buy it. I was so happy to pick one. But when its pay time his act like I don't know. Even shop man looked at my boyfriend so weird. We left watch shop. I was super super super embarrassed and confused big time.
I was so confused and feel sad. Whenever he showed me his cheap action. I thought he is not cheap boyfriend. Because he bought me surprise flowers many times. And he bought me a hat and one clothes. And he make good money he is still young saved a lot of money and always have good plan for old life after retire.
One week before christmas, he all the time said I will buy you nail shop ticket for your christmas gift. I bought him a wallet for Christmas but actually I didn't get anything from him. I felt so so down. Im not kids but it made me so disappointed. I shouldn't but I talked him nicely I want one little candy from my boyfriend. But he upset at me. Because I acted like a kid. And he lied to me I said him I don't want anything from him. I was shocked. Now I'm in japan. My birthday was last month. Day before my birthday he said he wanted to order some flower but he couldn't do it because Japanese website. Its so funny I gave him a phone number he is able to talk and order in English. But he said he couldn't as no phone card. I should understand and I could but why I'm so disappointed and this feeling getting worse and worse. His birthday is coming I was going to send something for him and his good family but should I or I shouldn't? I always asked myself why I love him so much? People are not perfect He has good things too. I know he loves me and miss me big time. He and me are still texting. But long distance wasn't easy. Many time arguing for nothing. I want him to talk more often but he think and said I'm always I'm complaing. He is planing to come and see me soon. We had big argued last night and angry and said he is done. I said I'm done too. But I think this isn't right. He deleted the messenger we used talk. I was going to call him but afraid reject phone call.. What should I do. I was think should I just move on or beg him to come back?
Please help.

[Wondergirl]

Yup -- he sounds very cheap. I would have dumped him long ago. He doesn't deserve you.

Now I want to send you something for your birthday -- you sound so sweet and giving! He is stupid for treating you so badly. You are a treasure! Do not send him anything or contact him.

[smoothy]

Move on... don't beg for him to come back. Yes SOME things might be differences in culture, but I'm a man, and an American... and find much of what you said about him to be strange.

Yes he was cheap... but honestly I don't know how much money he had to spend.. so MAYBE he had a good reason on some of that.

He should not have said he would do something if he wasn't going to do it, or buy you something if he could not afford it.

Such as with the watch... if he could only spend a certain amount because that's all he had... he should have told you first.

However there were several other things about him that didn't seem right either.

You can do better than him.

[Jexxy]

Thank you so much for read my long story and the answer.

[Wondergirl]

My Internet "son" lives in Akita prefecture.

I wish you well. All American men are not like the one you know.

[dontknownuthin]

Since you were with him for two months I think it is appropriate that you bought some food and paid your way some of the time, because that could be expensive to support a guest for that long. However, you paid to fly all the way from Japan and he should have considered that a big contribution from you to support your relationship with him.

Most American men do treat their girlfriends often, and almost always on the first few dates. I have never gone out on a first date with a man when he did not pay for the bill. Even when I have invited men to dates and planned to treat them since I invited them, they have always insisted on paying for the date, even if the dates weren't great and we didn't go out again. Most men will pay for a second and third date, too.

Some American men will never let a woman pay for them. Others do after they are in a close relationship for a while - since most American women do work, more women do pay their way or treat some of the time. But there are men who won't even let a girl they are not dating pay a tab when they are out together. I am a divorced woman and if I go out with friends, even the married men will pay for my drink or dinner because they do not feel comfortable being in the company of a woman and letter her pay her own way.

This man sounds unusually cheap and it is not a cultural misunderstanding on your part. Most American men would have treated you several times. If they could not afford to take you really nice places, they would have taken you out for a burger or pizza at least, or cooked for you at home. If they couldn't pay to take you out for a movie, they would at least pay to rent a movie and buy some snacks and drinks to enjoy with you. They would not ask you to pay for it. And they would never stand around and let their friend pay for their date!

I think you should break up with this man. If you like American men, there are many who would love to date a nice and smart Japanese woman like yourself. Japanese people are very well likes and respected in our country, with no racism at all. There are stereotypes about Japanese women but they are all positive - generally people think that Japanese women are very hard working, very smart, very beautiful and that they treat men extremely well.

You can do a lot better than this man! Sorry our country did not show you a better example!

[Alty]

You can do better than this man. He is not the norm, not by any means. You got stuck with a loser, but there are other fish in the sea.

Good luck.

[Jexxy]

Thanks a lot for everyone who gave me the answer. It really helps me to think right and for decision. Thank you!

[J_9]

I am so sorry you had to experience that. I want you to know that not all Americans are like this. This guy is worthless in my opinion.

You came all the way to the US from Japan. This man, if you want to call him that, should have been showing you the town, treating you like the princess that you are. Taking you out to dinner and spoiling you. Instead he treated you like a maid and a money machine.

He doesn't love you, nor does he respect you. Time to drop him like a hot potato.

I'm ashamed that he treated you like that and I don't even know you!