[frankedwards]

Hey need some advice. I will explain the situation. I would like to know if she will call or try to contact me. And would it be a good idea if she doesn't contact me to show up on her birthday in May with a card.

Ok here goes. I have dated this woman for 4 years. I treated her very well she was getting out of a marriage when we met. She always said she never had someone treat her this well or buy her such nice things. She does have a little bipolar symptoms. She would have big issues expressing her feelings and towards the end picked me apart. She would have problems with her friends and family instead of talking to me about them. She would find flaws in me.

I have never loved someone so much I asked her to marry me and she said yes but we need to wait a year or to. So life was good few fights over goals and dumb stuff. Finally we had a big falling out and broke up 7 months ago I got in touch with her I took all the blame and she moved back in. It was beautiful again and right before Christmas we got in an argument I came home after working a side job and had no key to get in she wasn't home and wouldn't answer my calls. Then she text me and said she was at the movies with her friend finally called her. She said do you expect me to wait at home all weekend while you're working? I said no but I expect to know when you're leaving. I was angry and said I'm tired of this s**t. I'm packing my stuff. She said she can't afford it on her own so we need to discuss a plan to get rid of the lease. I said why you don't leave then. I was mad and regret every word. I was looking for a way to get her attention. So it backfired and she left next day while I was at work.

I came home to find she left a lot of stuff. We started to talk after I found an apartment and she helped me return the moving truck and bought me dinner. She took some more stuff. Then we would talk/text but every other day she would ignore me and eventually call with an excuse. We talk 4 times about being fair if I answer you should to or at least return calls she said she liked my sweet texts and wanted to keep talking and we made plans to hang out. 2 weeks out she still ignored me off and on again. That Friday she called me and I told her we talked about this and its hurting me and to be honest. She hung up the phone and changed her number.

It's been a week no contact. In a couple months I took two days off to go see her on her birthday. I figured by then she will be calm and I'm out of the stalking time frame. Will she call prior and will that be a good idea. And by the way she commented the sex night saying she misses what I do in bed and I spoil her and she has never like that in her life. So will she call what should I do? I love her with all my heart and want her back.

...Merged Threads...

[odinn7]

I've seen this type of question enough to know that you are going to do whatever you want despite what anyone tells you... and you are going to try to reason it out in your head as to why it makes sense that you're doing it. It's fine, I've been there once and didn't listen to anyone. I learned a hard lesson though.

This woman is not for you. In a relationship, if you feel that you always need to take the blame in order to make things right and to calm things down... she is controlling you by how she acts. You sit there and say how much you love her and all but just because you do this, doesn't mean that you are going to get the same level of love back from her. In all honesty, it sounds like she was just using you... you did mention how she loved the things you always bought her.

Now you haven't seen her for a while but you've already taken time off from work so you can go visit her on her birthday. What do you expect to come from that? "Hi baby! I'm here for your birthday!" How do you expect her to react to that? What if she jumps your crap over showing up? What if she says how awesome it is and you two get back together again for a few weeks... then you're in heaven until she pulls the rug out from under you all over again and you have to relive breaking up from the start.

It's a rough road and you're setting yourself up for all kinds of hurt. You should just forget about her, she wasn't really what you thought (or think) she is. Just go no contact and move on with your life. Deal with the pain now rather than later when it will be worse.

But I know... you'll be there for her birthday... no matter how many of us come here and tell you to forget her... you'll be there.

[frankedwards]

My ex of 4 yrs left me. I think she is embarrassed for changing her number. She acted out of anger. I know she is struggling with what she wants. My question is will she contact me. I know she loved me. She is getting pushed by coworkers to hate me. And there are false thoughts being put in her head.its been a week of no contact. I know no one will treat her like I did. Not being cocky honestly honest. She had trouble communicating her feelings. She also kind of put off false perceptions of her self. I think she kind of tried too

[odinn7]

^^^ See? That's proof right there of what I said. I told you and you just ignored what I said but decided to start another question with less detail trying to get a different response. You are going to go round and round trying to convince yourself that she still is worth going after.

[frankedwards]

I know but I didn't want the move on I just want a woman's perspective will she call or is she too embarrassed. I am picking up the pieces and day by day moving on. Im tired of the let go move on. It's the right answer and it's the only thing to do. But will she call one day. Yes no maybe so.

[odinn7]

Even if she does... what you wrote about her before makes her seem like she is not worth your time. She held you accountable for everything that went wrong... You had to be the one to take the blame for everything just to make the situation better. I knew a woman like that. I had to walk on eggshells and take responsibility for everything that went wrong... even if it was something in her life that I had no part of... somehow I was responsible and I became the whipping boy when she needed someone to take her frustrations out on. I woke up and wondered why I was putting myself through this.

[frankedwards]

You see I am stubborn but I am looking for i.e. it seems she is not mature enough or she is like other women she is what ever right now.or no one can tell this is what women think

[odinn7]

No, she is not like other women... at least not like normal women. She sounds like she has some sort of issue.

[frankedwards]

That was great. She can't be accountable for her actions. I have known that all along

[odinn7]

That was great. She can't be accountable for her actions. I have known that all along

Then why beg to put yourself through that again?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't think you want advice. I think you want to vent or get sympathy.

She is either bipolar or she isn't. Which is it?

The relationship sounds perfect to me - she likes to abuse people and you don't mind being abused.

Once the same person posts two different sets of circumstances I pretty much lose interest. If this is how you behave in real life - it's one story and then another - I see her frustration and "problem."

[frankedwards]

I don't see how I changed the story judy. Maybe left some things out. But thanks for the blame. I was just wondering if she would call. Trying to find if anyone had been through the same thing. As far as sympathy goes I know I can find it in the dictionary between and syphilis.

[Homegirl 50]

There is not such thing as a little bipolar. Why are you going there again with her, I don't understand this. Or you wanting to meet up with her because she mentioned sex or are you having a moment of weakness? I think you need to leave her alone.

[frankedwards]

I guess I'm struggling with letting go. I just feel so strongly about my love for her. How can something go 4 years with lifelong promises just vanish. And why the back and forth with talking why sex why then change the number. Why couldn't she be honest. I guess I'm looking for n answer that doesn't exist

[JudyKayTee]

Why do people get divorced? Why does love change?

Why can't you see the difference between your two threads?

[frankedwards]

Maybe I'm not smart enough to see the difference or just ignorant to it. Please tell me the difference between my threads. I need to learn if you see something I want to now. And express yourself more on "if i act this way in real life" I could use the lesson. I do want to lnow were I went wrong

[talaniman]

You seem to be having a problem accepting the fact that this relationship was unhealthy in the first place and just fizzled out. You are just stuck on the "good" parts.We all get that way my friend, and it takes a lot of time and work to get over it and that starts with leaving her alone or face the consequences of continuing the cycle until you get sick of wasting your time.

You can be as stubborn as you want to, but even you will have to see that a relationship that depends on your complete submission is not going to work, even after 4 years. So take the advice and get your head together because whether she contacts you or not isn't the question. It will be more of the same as before, good for the moment, but in the toilet again.

From what you wrote no one will in good conscious encourage you to chase her or get back with her. Because we have all been stuck on some one that is unhealthy for us. Yes, and we learned the hard way how bad things can really get.

And no one can read her mind or predict what she will do or is thinking and why, but we can see where this path you are on will lead you. As an older guy, I can tell you to get your head together before you do anything foolish. Whether she contacts you or NOT.

[frankedwards]

Thanks man I will listen. It sucks I past up so many opportunities to be left in the end. I wish I was still in my twenties. Oh well I'm 31 so there is still time. Thanks for the help. By the way I did help someone fix there car on this site so I almost paid my dues

[dontknownuthin]

Oh for the love of God - this isn't a relationship, it's two peope who enjoy generating drama to entertain themselves. You move in you move out. You argue, she hates you, she ignores you then she spends five minutes with you and it's magic. Then she's back to being crazy again. You can't stand her until you don't have her, then she's the most wonderful person you can imagine - until she's actually in your presence again, and she's actually not wonderful at all.

We aren't psychic - we can't tell you if she'll call, or if she sleeps with your picture under her pillow - or keeps your picture mounted on her dartboard. How the heck can we know? All we can tell you is the obvious - she's nuts, you're desperate to put up with it, the relationship is a train wreck, and you are exhibiting every sign that you're obsessed with the drama and will keep it up no matter what we say.

[frankedwards]

Your right thanks