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DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 09:19 PM

So I'm 23 so is she and were dating almost a year. It was great until the last couple months. It seemed like she was fading away from me. Less sex and communication. She didn't seem happy. So about a month ago we were arguing one night and she said I think we need a break. I broke down sent her a bunch of text messages, not mean ones just like sad ones. She then called me crying.We talked on the phone for hours the whole time she was crying saying if we don't do this it will premantaly destroy something that used to be amazing. She said "i don't mean permantly and it doesn't mean I don't wannna be back with you in the near future of even your friend right now I just need space and we need to hang out less. Then she said your not going to lose me. So week 1 of that breakup I was too strong on her always asking her what's going on and stuff. She said I was pushing her away and she didn't want to talk about it. She said doesn't want me yelling at her pressuring her stuff she isn't ready and comfortable to do. Okay so week 2 I completely left her alone. Went out with friends and acted like I was having fun without her. And it bugged her, she called me I acted like she was nothing I wasn't mean but kind of one word answers .she got pissed I got a girls number at a club and said we just broke up and its not right to do that. She also got mad I was ignoring her call I picked up on her second ring. So basically I'm all over her week 1 she hates it then I completely brush her off she says and it bugged her. So... we the last time we hung out was a week ago. We got into a fight, she said I completely ruined it. But its weird because he didn't delete me from Facebook. All our pictures and if I do text her she will respond if its not about arguing. I don't think she's seeing someone else. Lately she seems happy all over Facebook. It bugs me she hasn't talked to me in a week and she's happy but she's been out with her friends and stuff. I guess she really does need space? Every time we talk we end of arguing. I think I need to live my life let her lives hers and see if she comes back.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 09:28 PM

You two should have agreed to parameters, to boundaries from the get-go -- absolutely no contact at all or once-a-day phone call or let's be friends but no romance stuff. She didn't like the two ways you had handled it (being confused as you were), so now it seems she has decided and has left you out of the decision making -- her way or the highway.

I'd go No Contact and figure it's over.

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You two should have agreed to parameters, to boundaries from the get-go -- absolutely no contact at all or once-a-day phone call or let's be friends but no romance stuff. She didn't like the two ways you had handled it (being confused as you were), so now it seems she has decided and has left you out of the decision making -- her way or the highway.

I'd go No Contact and figure it's over.

I was thinking the same. Leave her alone for a couple weeks see what happens because basically its not in my hands anymore. She got mad evertime I asked what's going on and if were working things out. She said she didn't want to tlak about it but yet she still would hang out with me laugh and smile and give a hug goodbye,

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 09:38 PM

She can't have it both ways -- she can't play fast and loose with your feelings, and that is what she is doing right now. She has been playing you like she's the fisherwoman and you're the fish. She has had all the control. If you have been enjoying that, don't change anything. Or, put your foot down and go No Contact -- not to win her back but to save yourself some grief and start getting a life away from her.

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 09:52 PM

Well its weird because when we broke up it was a few days before her birthday we had plans to go out... she still texted me saying do you still want to get dinner on my birthday, no pressure or anything ill just go with my parents if not. So we did and it went well. And she told a while ago that in the past she was on and off with a few guys. Idk for what reason though. And also 2 days ago we were fighting in a text and my last words were I don't want to fight with you anyway and I cant. Let me know when you want your stuff, movies lotion phone charger. I can mail it to you or drop it off someone if its awkard. And she didn't respond since. And I wasn't being an in that text I said it nicely. So she's not eager to get her delete me from Facebook or all the photos of us? I don't want to sound like I'm giving myself hope but it seems she doesn't want to get rid of me just yet.

Heli171 · Jan 30, 2013, 09:53 PM

It sounds like doesn't know what she wants and nothing you do will make her happy at this point. Do what's best for you, she will only continue to cause you pain.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:01 PM

Let me tell you something about many women. We have been trained from birth not to hurt anyone's feelings. We aren't supposed to upset anyone, even a boyfriend that we want to separate from and break up with. We are pleasers and want everyone to like us. In fact, we can't stand it if someone doesn't like us. Plus, we like to keep all our options open, so if this new guy or guys don't work out, we always will have an old guy to go back to.

Do you want to be that old guy, the fall-back guy, the any-old-port-in-a-storm guy?

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Let me tell you something about many women. We have been trained from birth not to hurt anyone's feelings. We aren't supposed to upset anyone, even a boyfriend that we want to separate from and break up with. We are pleasers and want everyone to like us. In fact, we can't stand it if someone doesn't like us. Plus, we like to keep all our options open, so if this new guy or guys don't work out, we always will have an old guy to go back to.

Do you want to be that old guy, the fall-back guy, the any-old-port-in-a-storm guy?

That's a good point wondergirl. In fact, it makes sense. Because when she called me crying she wanted a break (first one why would she call crying for 2 hrs) she said its been heavy on her mind and heart for a long time and she didn't want to hurt me. She said 2 weeks ago before we broke up she met her friend at a bar crying and her friend said.. you got to do it grace do it.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:13 PM

If she doesn't want to hurt you, then don't, for pete's sake! Fish or cut bait, girl!

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:16 PM

So I was thinking don't contact her for a week. If she contacts me before then fine if not I was going to ask her if she would like to get lunch sometime and that's it. If she doesn't want to then I know its over.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

So i was thinking dont contact her for a week. if she contacts me before then fine if not i was gonna ask her if she would like to get lunch sometime and thats it. If she doesnt want to then i know its over.

What if she contacts you and starts crying but doesn't want to see you, is just wondering if you miss her? (Hint: trick question)

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:28 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What if she contacts you and starts crying but doesn't want to see you, is just wondering if you miss her? (Hint: trick question)

Hmm I doubt that. She seems stubborn lately. She ignored my last text 2 days ago but is having fun with friends and all over Facebook. I honestly think I will have to reach out to her eventually. She honestly seems happier lately. She posting loving life on Facebook and talking to people with a lot of happy emotions and stuff she never used to do that before. I asked her if she was just doing that to get under my skin because that's what most girls do. Her response was "thats what most girls do" OK... and she hasn't texted me since

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

I honestly think I will have to reach out to her eventually.

Why? To accomplish what?

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:33 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why? To accomplish what?

About reaching out to her or her getting under my skin?

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

about reaching out to her or her getting under my skin?

Why? She is happy without you in her life now. It's over.

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

about reaching out to her or her getting under my skin?

Oh because I miss her and we had so many good times together, when we decided to take a break and she was crying about it I said... dont go running off with someone she even cried harder and said I wouldn't want you to do the same

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

oh because i miss her and we had so many good times together, when we decided to take a break and she was crying about it i said...dont go running off with someone she even cried harder and said i wouldnt want you to do the same

And that is part of females' m.o. part of the drama. It's what we say so the guy doesn't feel bad. Crying is an art and very useful, you may have noticed.

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

oh because I miss her and we had so many good times together

And those days are over obviously.

when we decided to take a break

WE?? No, SHE decided to take a break!!

DerekF89 · Jan 30, 2013, 10:42 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And that is part of females' m.o., part of the drama. It's what we say so the guy doesn't feel bad. Crying is an art and very useful, you may have noticed.

So 2 weeks ago when I was brushing her off for a few days and talking to other girls why did she get mad I was making it public on the internet and she texted me I ignored then she called me twice and told me about her day and it was mad she was late for work and was like... well it doesn't seem like your helping and kind of seemed down and hung up

Wondergirl · Jan 30, 2013, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by DerekF89

So 2 weeks ago when i was brushing her off for a few days and talking to other girls why did she get mad i was making it public on the internet and she texted me i ignored then she called me twice and told me about her day and it was mad she was late for work and was like...well it doesnt seem like ur helping and kinda seemed down and hung up

Why? She wants to be in control and wants to make the break. You are her adoring fan and bend to her will. It's not up to you, but her choice as to how things go.