[Tammyh24]

We were together for 4 months when we hit the worst 3 week period of my life... my man dumped me, came back, dumped me again and came back again but for good. BUT both times he left me it was for this other chick! Honestly though, when we got together I expected something like this was going to happen. I was 32 w/ 5 kids & obviously a few past relationships. I knew what I wanted & ready for it. He was 25, no kids & only 1 past relationship from before he was even 21! We fell hard in love. But like I thought he freaked out... way too serious & way too fast for him. It was for me too but I knew it was what I wanted. Well he dumped me and instantly started seeing some chick. Not too much though because we have the same group of friends and he was still at my house everynite. In fact he still slept in my bed, hell no there was no sexuL contact though! Nothing really changed. Well bottom line... after the 3 weeks he came back to me, on his own. I never once asked him to please come back. But when he came, he knew exactly what he wanted... me... for life. He was sorry & regretfull for all hurt. I was so hurt but at the same time it felt so good knowing he knew exactly what he wanted and was ready. I had more feeling of security with him. I understood what and why everything happened. My head forgave him with no hesitation. BUT even though I understood it still hurt more than I thought possible. It stung me deep into my soul. I never felt a heartache like that before. Because of that pain my heart won't forgive, its been 18 months! I believe and trust him but scarred by that pain. I want to fully forgive him, so then I can completely forget. I still have moments when I think and relive those awfull weeks! What do I do??

[Oliver2011]

Was it really cheating? He left you and you knew where he was going I presume. You didn't mention if there was an agreement to be exclusive or not. If there was then it definitely was cheating. Regardless, at 4 months do people really know each other well enough to be exclusive? And potentially he was panicked over 5 kids. I know I would be.

I was dating 4 people when I decided with one of them to be exclusive. But I had known and been out with this person for 2 years. I don't think I could have made that commitment after 4 months.

This is your decision to make. If something 18 months ago is so bad that you can't let it go, then move on. If he means something to you and is not cheating after 18 months, then let it go. Why would you carry that baggage if something is working well now?

[joypulv]

It wasn't cheating and you know it. I know that doesn't change your feeling. I was dumped after many long YEARS and he came back, and it wasn't the same. So I know. And I ruined it the second time.
So do you want him or not? If you do, you force those feelings out of your mind. If you are too full of recriminations, the relationship will suffer, and you will lose. It's a matter of choice. You can't have it both ways. You say he came back 'for good.' There's no such guarantee. You don't know what is forever and what isn't.