[ravensrock85]

Hello everyone, stumbled upon this site and its had some great info... I wish I had found it 48 hours ago. Well here it goes... I met this girl working at a summer camp here in the US two summers ago. She's from England. We started going out that summer (which lasted 10 weeks), and decided to keep it up LDR as we both loved each other by the end. Both each other's first love and first person to have sex with. Anyway things were pretty good, we visited several times a year and worked last summer again. I visited her in January and things were great. I always kind of was bothered by the LDR part and felt she liked me more than I liked her (towards the later stages). Well anyway she was meant to come visit in April. I had been studying for a huge exam for several months along with working which made our communicating hard. Things started to drift apart for us, but I was getting excited to see her. She broke up the day after my exam saying she couldn't come. Well for a week or so I was still in the mindset of I want to get her back, hopefully we'll get back together in the future when we can be together. I thought I'd consider moving there (since we always discussed her coming here). We would message each other every other day or so on Facebook, but just casual chit chat. But I think she knew I wasn't over her. After about 10 days I spoke to her online and said I needed time before trying to be friends. She said she understood and wants to be friends with me too, but she'll be there when I'm ready.

It's been about 4 weeks since then and I think I've done really well. Definitely started to realize that it wasn't right to be in a LDR and realized how things weren't working because of that. Joined an online dating site and have met some really cool people. During this period I would sometimes check her Facebook to see what she's up to, but as time went on it happened less frequently. I've come to accept that she'll always mean something to me, but it's definitely better that things ended. Even though I felt over her, the biggest worry to me was that we'd never ever be friends again and after being together for nearly 2 years that seems insane. Especially since I'm friends with the 3 girls I had relationships with (though none as serious as this).

Flash to yesterday. Some of my friends were planning a Eurotrip this summer and I thought I'd go a bit earlier and visit friends in England (and perhaps see her). So I thought I should initiate contact. I sent her a message asking how she was doing, etc and a bit of what I've been up to with studying for another exam. The only thing I mentioned relating to us was that I am glad I had this time to reflect as I realized how the distance wasn't healthy for either of us. And that I'm looking forward to being friends. I didn't plan on checking facbeook today to see if she replied, but had to reply to somebody else. She didn't reply to me, but I know she was on.

So now I've been quite upset at the thought she doesn't want to be friends. Yet I also recognize she may just need space too. I probably broke the NC rule too early, and now realize I don't want to see her because I think feelings would come back.

Anyway I guess I wonder where I should go from here. Do I send her another message saying that I think I probably contacted her too soon and imagine she needs space too? Or just let it be? Like I said losing her as part of my life is what upsets me the most. I appreciate any advice and sorry for the lengthy post!

[ajGambino]

Long distance relationships are tough, I'm sorry for your problems man. If she wants to break up and stop seeing you, I think you should respect that.

Getting her to try and talk or anything further will only push her away. It doesn't matter at this point because she is willing or has already moved on. I know she's a special part of your life but you will learn to accept that it just wasn't meant to be.

For the sake of you and her respect you give her, don't talk to her anymore. It won't be the same for a while, but you will realize that you're better off.

You deserve someone who will put in as much love into the relationship as you give.

[Gemini54]

Well, it depends why you want to go to the UK to visit her... sounds like you're not really over it to me, although you have been doing well.

I suspect you're expecting too much.

Fair enough it's a good idea to see her if you're going on an Euro-trip - but why would you expect an instant reply from her? She may have moved on, have a new BF and it might be awkward. Plus, she might not be interested in being friends.

I guess what I'm saying is that there are a range of variables you can't know about.

Wait a few day and if she doesn't rely - forget it. Is it worth dredging up all old feelings and memories which in the end will just make you feel bad?

[talaniman]

Time to leave her alone, as she seems to not want to talk to you, or see you at all, not even as a friend.

Just because the other females you were in relationships with became your friend after the break up, means she will do the same so stop pushing.

[roxypox]

Had to spread the rep Tal, but yeah! Even if former gfs wanted to be friends and that worked out doesn't mean that this one or the next one will. That's the reality of things. Don't push her for it and respect her wishes.

My last boyfriend wanted to be friends when we broke up, his reasoning was that he was friends with all of his xgfs.. but that would never have worked for me. When ever I bump into him now (luckely not so often) he still pushes for it. It is disrespectful.

Respect her wishes! And leave her alone!

[ravensrock85]

See the thing is she said she wanted to be friends with me when we last spoke. She's not one to lie or be mean. And like she's not changed anything on Facebook like detagging pictures with me or removing the gift I gave her. Could it be that she's not over me and doesn't feel ready either? I think I probably just need to give it more time before we can truly be friends, looking back on it, I wasn't friends with my exes until a while after the breakup (generally after I met somebody else).

[andaman]

I think you should wait for her reply,but don't expect anything,if your expecting too much it means you haven't moved on, go see her as a friend,if things go OK maybe something might happen,but don't go with that mindset to get her fall in love with you,you will hurt yourself more.