[shagger1]

I was 65 when my husband died and only 4 months later met this wonderful man who had lost his wife the same time. We have been dating for 6 years. He was so "perfect" We could never have a simole confrontation and I didn't know when to breathe because if I reacted normally to contrentation, he would call me getting upset and blowing things all out of proportions.. We had such a confrontation recently and he called and told me he loved me but was not in love with me. Did not want to continue the relationship. I am beating myself up. I am now 72. I am totally crushed and feel I am grieving my first husband and him. Is it not totally normal for two people to have reactions during a relationship? Was he too perfect or am I the bad person for being normal. I never raised my voice.

[Homegirl 50]

Confrontation is normal. Sounds like he is a bit controlling and intimidating. Nothing wrong with being normal and he certainly was not perfect.

[Thirdtime]

So he wants to be the center of attention 24/7 aye... the gardamn prick! What did you actually do that serves you the telephone growling and threatening attitude? No 3 in the pics?

[joypulv]

Several of us here are in our 60s.

'Is it not totally normal for two people to have reactions during a relationship? '
Yes of course... was that a rhetorical question?
'Was he too perfect or am I the bad person for being normal.'
Probably neither.
'I never raised my voice.'
Never raising your voice puts you a bit out of the realm of normal, I think. Even though my ex never raised his voice, nor did my father... It's just that it's tough on those of us who do raise our voices sometimes, even though we make every effort not to. Also there's a difference between a generally quiet person and someone who holds in emotion in a supercilious tone, a better-than-thou disdain. That is the behavior that can really infuriate. I am not saying what kind of un-raised voice person you are! (I adored my dad.) Only you know. But I would ask Mr. Too Perfect what it is about you that he is not longer in love with, and ask him if there's any way to both work out a friendship, so that you aren't both lonely.

[Fr_Chuck]

Dating is dating, if you are 20, 40 or 60.
I would question why you were still dating and not living together at least after 6 years ?
I understand not marriage for loss of social security benefits.

But a relationship has to advance and move on at some point normally.

[dontknownuthin]

I've yet to meet a perfect person. You disagreed at times - that's normal. He bullied and intimidated you into repressing your feelings to keep the peace - or you just did that on your own because you elevated his opinion above his own. In either case, it's not healthy.

This "I love you but am not IN love with you" nonsense doesn't make sense at any age.

I'd move on from this man. If he comes crawling back and you want to give him another chance, you will need to speak up for yourself and he will need to respect you in so doing.