[raintears]

My daughter asked me to come over early christmas morning
And celebrate. It is a 50k drive, I am a single parent.
I have always been close with my daughter, and would and have dropped everything to help on any level. In the past I worked two jobs (teacher & building maintenance) so I could be with my children this enabled me to be with them , or close by while I worked. Times were tight financially. But we had a great life and no drama we all got along so well.
By the time my children were teens I had built a private school, and owned the now large building maintenance co.
My daughter a sports dr. my son a journalist grew apart, and rarely speak to each other, my daughter married, had a child ( a beloved granddaughter) they married just after my fathers death, I paid for entire wedding inlaws did not welcome my invitations, and flat out refused christmas last year. Due to other family being left out of my fathers will, I took the role of defending my daughters portion as an executrix... It concluded and I gave my daughter her large cheque in dec.2012 as my side family would not come together
With inlaws I organized separate celebrations, and was invited to my daughters in the early morning of christmas day when I arrived, I was turned away. My daughter said they were not well, and told me they were not seeing anyone.
I later called out of concern, no answer, I worried . So I phoned my daughters inlaws never imagining my daughter was there, in celebration opening gifts etc, my daughter came to the phone, I was so hurt I hung up
It felt like my heart was bleeding, and I in pure reactive form
Called back and left the message of a lifetime, I have never caused reason for confrontation in the past, and have swallowed my thoughts, and words several times over the years. My message left a verbal run on every hurtful thing my daughter inflicted on me.
I feel so bad I left the message, even worse my daughter, has suggested I am in need of counselling...
I do not want to endure further emotional pain, and I feel like if anyone is emotionally abusing me if I can not speak up, I am at a loss as to how to how to handle it in a proactive manner rather than a reactive manner. I have considered moving over seas, but realize that will not correct the delicate situation, and I love my daughter.

Please any suggestions, even constructive advice.

Thank-you
Christmas rain tears

[raintears]

Please delete this posting

[ScottGem]

please delete this posting

Sorry, but the rules of this site are that post are not removed unless they violate our rules.

[Sunbeam50]

My heart goes out to you. I am not a professional and cannot help you, just to say - I hope eventually everything will be all right. I had a similar Holidays Season, I latched out at my daughter and she does not speak to me because of her in-laws.

Good luck.

[joypulv]

I think if I had been turned away at my daughter's door on Christmas morning, after being invited, and lied to too boot - I would have hung up on her and also unleashed a tirade. I wouldn't apologize either. But you did. It's done, and apologies are never wrong. Now you just bide your time and hope she comes back.
I suspect that we don't know the backstory about inlaws. This is why young new families set strict rules about alternating years with respective parents.
It sounds a little strange to me that you had no arrangements made as of Christmas morning?

You could write her a letter and never send it. Write it over and over, and see it's transformation over days and weeks. Keep old copies. I think it will help while you wait.
Good luck.