[CandyClarissa30]

I know everyone says that it is uncommon, but not unheard of however, I can't find any examples. I have always been socially anxious but suddenly I have just stopped talking everywhere other than my home. Its like the words just can't come out and its affecting my whole life. Other than my age, I have all the symptoms - could I have Selective Mutism?

[Wondergirl]

Yes, it can occur at any age. Now, what do you want to do about this?

[CandyClarissa30]

Yes, it can occur at any age. Now, what do you want to do about this?

Thank you, I am going to see the doctors very shortly because being 15 is stressful enough without the anxiety of social situations - not being able to speak is obviously causing, and going to continue to cause me great difficulty. I hope I can get better rather quickly, although I know you need a lot of patience. Now I just want to try and find out the trigger, because the only sudden cause I can find is Post traumatic stress, which I don't think I've had? Do you think depression, whilst already having social anxiety, could cause this?

[Wondergirl]

We don't know you or know what stressors you've had during your young life, so only a doctor who works with you one-to-one will be able figure out what is going on inside you. (You WILL talk with him or her, right? ;))

I do have to remark that you seem to be very intelligent and write very well, express yourself very nicely and thoroughly. Your cooperation will very definitely help someone get to the bottom of this and pull you up out of this dark hole you have fallen into. I have every hope this will work out well in your favor. (And by the way, there are far too many chatty people out there, so finding someone like you who is so introspective and well spoken is a real joy!)

[CandyClarissa30]

Thank you very much for the compliments on my writing - I hope to sort this out very soon so it does not affect any of my GCSE results!

Talking to the doctor would definitely be a massive step, or a goal to aim for but it would be very hard since they would be a member of authority which worries me more!

Thank you again for your replies, they have really cheered me up :)

[joypulv]

How are teachers dealing with this insofar as being called on in class? Or can you talk in that situation..

[Wondergirl]

Years ago I had a client who wouldn't talk with me so I asked her to keep a journal that I would be allowed to read. In session, we used a kids' toy Magic Slate to communicate.That worked out very well, and satisfied both of us in her journey to overcome her social anxiety.

[CandyClarissa30]

How are teachers dealing with this insofar as being called on in class? Or can you talk in that situation..

When I stopped talking at school, it was my friends who noticed it and told my form tutor. She then had a long talk with me (I am able to talk to her as long as we are completely alone) and sent an email to teachers whilst we tried to sort it out. Some teachers have tried to catch me out but I just get very anxious and uncomfortable and they have to move on. As for answering the register, I sometimes manage a whisper behind my hands and even though I know nobody heard it because it was practically as quiet as silence, I still feel proud. I think it is simply because I know exactly what to say, but I still get very anxious before hand and spend time preparing for it. Sometimes I just feel too much pressure and can't manage a reply (which is very awkward when everyone is expecting you to answer) The only lesson I speak in is drama, but only with my partner in the corner of the room. This is still hard, and I spend half the lesson working my way up to it, but my partner is very understanding.

Luckily, my form tutor has been very understanding and gave me and the 3 friends I talk to a room all to ourselves at break and lunch so I could speak. Unfortunately, loads of other students complained that this was unfair and so it has now been taken away. She set up a plan for me but I failed the first task on the list (to talk to my head of year) which got me down quite a lot. However, I have managed to add 2 other friends to the list of people I can talk to alone in a closed room with, which is a great achievement!

[CandyClarissa30]

Years ago I had a client who wouldn't talk with me so I asked her to keep a journal that I would be allowed to read. In session, we used a kids' toy Magic Slate to communicate.That worked out very well, and satisfied both of us in her journey to overcome her social anxiety.

I use a lot of gestures and actions to communicate, or I write it down if equipment is available. However, I am scared that because this seems like a very childish condition that I am going to get very patronised by people, like some teachers already do. That's why I'm a little scared of getting help, because I don't really think games or toys are suited to my age. Although, I am very aware that I need to do whatever it takes to get better - even if that means taking it right back to basics.

[Wondergirl]

If you were 93 years old in a nursing home and could communicate only with an ABC board or with hand gestures, no one would think twice about it. Like I said, do whatever works. That's the fun of doing therapy -- figuring out what works and using that and seeing progress being made! "Childish" has nothing to do with it.

[Wondergirl]

Do you talk with certain people? If so, who?

[CandyClarissa30]

If you were 93 years old in a nursing home and could communicate only with an ABC board or with hand gestures, no one would think twice about it. Like I said, do whatever works. That's the fun of doing therapy -- figuring out what works and using that and seeing progress being made! "Childish" has nothing to do with it.

Putting it like that it sounds a lot better, but I guess because I am socially anxious and so concerned about what others think of me, that I just over think and therefore over worry about things. I'm hoping I can talk to my form tutor when we go back after Christmas and let her know my worries about being patronised. I think if I know that she knows, then I wouldn't mind as much and could just concentrate on GETTING BETTER!

[CandyClarissa30]

Do you talk with certain people? If so, who?

I talk to my mum, sisters, dad, grandparents, 3-4 close friends, form tutor and I also don't mind talking in front of, but not directly to my dad's girl friend, my mum's boy friend and in my drama lessons as long as no one is directly listening. However, I only talk to the people on that list if we are completely alone in a closed room or my house - not in public.

[Wondergirl]

When did this begin?

[CandyClarissa30]

When did this begin?

Well, going completely silent and having the actually inability to speak (because of the anxious, worried feeling in my throat) started about two - three months ago. Previously, I have always been a very shy child ( I was completely deaf when I was little meaning I did not speak until I was about 4, and since then I have been left partially deaf) and have been socially anxious for a few years, getting increasingly worse.

[Wondergirl]

What would happen inside you if you said a few words in public?

[CandyClarissa30]

What would happen inside you if you said a few words in public?

Having to speak makes me feel so so worried, and physically sick. Then I start to feel dizzy as if I am going to faint, and I start frantically thinking of ways to get out of it. I tend to fiddle with my fingers a lot but the main outcome of the chaos and anxiety inside of me is silence. If I was to speak in public now, I'd spend nights not sleeping worrying about what I said, how I said it and how I was acting and therefore, what the receiving person was thinking about me (even though I know they probably really didn't care). All this just adds up to me freezing and physically not being able to speak because the words seem to be blocked in my throat. So, if I managed to even say a few words out loud in public, I would feel very proud of myself because it would be a massive achievement - no matter how much I think and worry about it afterwards.

[Wondergirl]

Would you be able to whisper in public? Also, I knew someone who would sing her words in public. What about using a Magic Slate in public?

If I called you on the phone (no, I won't!), would you talk to me?

[CandyClarissa30]

Would you be able to whisper in public? Also, I knew someone who would sing her words in public. What about using a Magic Slate in public?

If I called you on the phone (no, I won't!), would you talk to me?

I don't think I would be able to whisper in public because I am very aware that it is a loud environment and I would be worried about the receiver not hearing me and causing a fuss because I can't get any louder. If I'm desperate to say something to my family out in public, I usually write it on my phone.

I'm not sure what a magic slate is? Is it something you write on? If it is, then I'm not too keen on it because I'm very cautious about replacing speaking with other ways of communicating. I don't want this to slip into a behavioural pattern which makes it even harder to break - I just really want to sort out the anxiety and therefore enable me to feel comfortable speaking to people.

I don't answer the phone at home if it is a company or stranger, but if it is someone I know then I am very comfortable on a phone. Because I am older I understand all about phones and how it changes your voices. If it was you or another person I didn't really know or don't talk to, I would be very weary about what I was saying and it wouldn't be a very pleasant experience, but I don't think I wouldn't be able to talk. My voice box doesn't block up in the same way because I'm not right in front of you, and I don't have to worry about other factors other than literally just the words, and it is only social anxiety I have to worry about (what they think of what I am saying, am I saying it right? etc.).

[Wondergirl]

If you feel comfortable with a stranger whom you have just recently met, would you have no problem talking in private?

Has anyone ever actually judged something you said? And what brought this on several months ago?