Check out some similar questions!

SM0284524 · Dec 31, 2012, 08:39 PM

So I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 4 months now and I'm unsure where the relationship is going. When we talk he tells me that he still thinks of me as more of a friend but he cares about me as a person, would miss me if I was gone and thinks I am good for him. Confused by the "I think you're good for me" statement..?. I have stronger feeling for him than that and have made it a point to tell him this but it seems to have gotten me nowhere. We spend every night together (hanging out and then sleeping next to one another)...

Now, as far as our sexual relationship goes, it pretty much nonexistent (A complete change from the beginning of the relationship). We are only intimate once out of every week and a half to 2 weeks. He seems to have no sex drive anymore. There was a conversation we had about 2 months ago where he told me that he was not physically attracted to me anymore yet he thought I was a very attractive man..?. What! Also, that he was having thoughts of pulling the plug on our relationship... Do you see where my uncertainties come from?

Back to the subject though. On the rare occasion that we do have sex (normally after he has drank), I am the only one in the bedroom that puts forth any effort. Foreplay is very much one sided (sober or not). He seldom reciprocates which is extremely frustrating for me... I don't know what to do or what to think. We have even had conversations about it and it has been to no avail... Lastly, I have one more concern. He has a job where he works with 3-4 other gay males (he informed me that one of them is someone he had talked to on a dating website before we got together). I have begun to notice that recently he will spend more time getting all dressed up before work (including putting on makeup) which is something he doesn't do unless we go out on the town or on special occasions... Makes me wonder if he is trying to impress either this colleague or one of the others...

If you guys have ANY advice I ask that you please help me out... What am I to think/do?

talaniman · Dec 31, 2012, 09:59 PM

These kinds of problems so soon usually indicate that you make him a higher priority than he makes you and things are not equal enough to last long term.

Sorry doesn't look great and people seldom change much. Back up and see things for what they are, not what you want them to be.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 1, 2013, 02:35 AM

Gay or not, it is obvious he does not have the same position in the relationship that you have.
He does not view you as a lover and has sex it appears only when required by you after some pressure perhaps.

You need to write this off for what it is, a person who is just a friend, and will have casual sex with you. ( friend with benefits)
Although the benefits don't sound worth keeping

Oliver2011 · Jan 2, 2013, 06:01 AM

How long did you know him before you two got into a relationship? And did you two talk about expectations for the relationship?

Your relationship doesn't sound promising and unfortunately what you are describing is way too common in our gay world. Being in a relationship is more than just sex. I know you know that. He may not and it sounds like he wasn't ready for this relationship. Speaking as a gay man I would rather be single than in a bad relationship. I would move on.