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twila hunt · Dec 28, 2012, 06:16 PM

OK I need to find out what I can do... I had a son that was a still born OK I had him creamated and my ex was the father but we were not married.. ok I had to sneek to get away from him cause he was controlling and beat me.. ok the day I went to leave I had put my son;s ashes in my purse and when he left for work he sneeked in my purse and took them out and I didn't know.. so when he left for work I took off to get away from him.ok I been asking for 5 years for them.. well he is married now and his wife will not let me have them. How can I go about getting my son's ashes.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2012, 09:06 PM

He as the father has about as much right to them as you do.

You can try and sue him for them,

I would recommend that perhaps you just break all connections to him, stop talking to him at all, and get some grief counseling and find another way, perhaps a small memorial to remember the child with.

cdad · Dec 30, 2012, 12:11 PM

Did you receive a permit when you accepted the ashs ? If so call the police and go to his house to take them back.

AK lawyer · Dec 30, 2012, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Did you recieve a permit when you accepted the ashs ? If so call the police and go to his house to take them back.

What, a concealed ashes permit?

The police are not going to help you without a court order.

joypulv · Dec 30, 2012, 04:38 PM

He doesn't have to give them back, but has to give you half. After 5 years of saying no, he is just using this to control you the same way he did before. Either sue for half or let it go and make the shrine/memorial as suggested. The ashes are not your child, his spirit. Even if your ex came to court with some ashes you will never know if they aren't just from some fireplace. Be glad you got out in one piece when you left him, and leave it at that.

cdad · Dec 30, 2012, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

What, a concealed ashes permit?

The police are not going to help you without a court order.

A persons ashs are considered human remains. You suppose to have a permit to have them. That way it is tracked. If god forbid a fire should occur then the deceased will not be counted as a casualty.

Quote:

Necessary Permits for Transport

A burial transit permit is necessary if you are transporting the deceased on your own. The death certificate is also required.

Read more: Laws for Transporting the Deceased | eHow.com Laws for Transporting the Deceased | eHow.com

AK lawyer · Dec 31, 2012, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3;

A persons ashs are considered human remains. You suppose to have a permit to have them. That way it is tracked. If god forbid a fire should ocur then the deceased will not be counted as a casualty.
...

The blog to which you have linked is about corpses, not ashes. It fails to cite the laws of any particular locallity, so it's impossible to refer to the law of whichever jurisdiction the author had in mind, but it is extremely doubtful that you are supposed to have a permit to transport ashes.

If " God forbid, a fire should occur... ", either the human ashes are going to be in a metal urn (in which case they are not going to be confused with those of a casualty of the fire), or they are not (and would probably be mixed with all other ashes left over after the file).

cdad · Dec 31, 2012, 03:38 PM

Every site says almost the same thing. Here is one for North America.

Following the rules...

There are a number of issues involved in transporting cremated human remains. Getting from point A to point B may require a lot of decisions and will be best achieved by planning well in advance. A variety of documents (death certificate, certificate of cremation, various authorization forms, etc.) will be required, and you may need to involve a licensed funeral director in sending and/or receiving the cremated remains.

The following is intended only as an overview of the process... a place to get you started... and not as a comprehensive documentation of all requirements.

Transport of Cremated Remains - Cremation Association of North America (CANA)

I know when I went through it although it was some years ago there had to be a permit involved to transport the ashs (remains) to the church for the funeral service and then to the graveyard for burial.

AK lawyer · Dec 31, 2012, 04:48 PM

Perhaps we aught to drop this tangential discussion.

But you began said discussion by writing that "You suppose (sic) to have a permit to have them. ..." There is nothing I see at the last site you linked which says anything like that. It does indicate that transport of human ashes by common carrier has certain requirements. There is no mention that I can see of a required "permit". You also give an anecdote from your personal experience. Was this a local government permit of some sort?

cdad · Dec 31, 2012, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Perhaps we aught to drop this tangential discussion.

But you began said discussion by writing that "You suppose (sic) to have a permit to have them. ..." There is nothing I see at the last site you linked which says anything like that. It does indicate that transport of human ashes by common carrier has certain requirements. There is no mention that I can see of a required "permit". You also give an anecdote from your personal experience. Was this a local government permit of some sort?

It was under issue by the state of California. Ashs are considered human remains and as such you have rules that control them. Every state has their own way of the permit process and who can issue it such as the local health dept etc. But it is my understanding that once your in possession of them you're the one responsible for them. That is what the permit is all about. Liability down the line.