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skye2012 · Dec 25, 2012, 03:05 PM

I have an amazing guy in my life, he's sweet, attentive, and loves to spoil me... Except for in the bedroom. He literally just pounds away at me no matter how many times I tell him to slow down, or try to take over. He has to have control the entire time and he goes so fast in tempo and so hard that it hurts. It also lasts for 2-3 hours and he only does missionary position. He ends up so sweaty that it drips on me. I like him a lot, but I find myself avoiding sex because it just doesn't work for me at all. How do I get him to change? He doesn't listen when I give him direction at all.

afaroo · Dec 25, 2012, 07:30 PM

Have you talked to him?

talaniman · Dec 25, 2012, 07:42 PM

Stop having sex with him until he does listen.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2012, 07:52 PM

Agreed, keep the knees crossed till it does it your way sometimes.

smoothy · Dec 27, 2012, 06:04 PM

If this isn't proof he's the wrong guy I don't know what is...

Not everyone is a perfect match of everyone else. He is in some ways.. but not enough.

Cat1864 · Dec 27, 2012, 08:38 PM

Try using the word 'adapting' instead of 'changing'. 'Changing' implies there is something wrong with him and may cause him to become defensive. 'Adapting' is closer to compromising and learning something new and different.

Change your timing. Instead of trying to give him directions in bed, talk to him in the living room or some other place where sex isn't expected.

You want to approach the discussion as a dialog (discussion between two equals) not a lecture. Don't confront him. Confrontation or placing blame will only cause more issues. However, you do need to be honest about your needs especially that you are getting hurt.

Talk to him about likes and dislikes-yours and his. Talk to him about adapting to each other's needs and how exploration and experimentation enhance love-making.

How he reacts to the discussion will probably give you a better understanding of his personality not only in bed but the rest of the relationship, too. If you look at the whole relationship and pay attention to the details, you may find that the bedroom isn't the only place where he has been showing 'controlling' behaviors. It may be the place where it is the most noticeable.