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smcookie · Dec 27, 2012, 08:53 AM

So, harsh title, but it is the gist of my issue. My daughter has been out of control for the past couple of years, she has caused a lot of trouble between my husband and I, and it took us a little while to see what was going on. We have since worked out these issues and feel stronger than ever as a couple, but it still hurts sometimes, both because she did it, and that our relationship had weak points that she took advantage of.
However when she was not getting her way with this, she started to bad mouth me to other people, first to her friends and then to others saying that I have been abusive, both physically and verbally which my husband and son (12 years old) both know to be untrue as I have NEVER been anything close to abusive with my children. I just don't know why she is doing this, and I don't know how or even if I can stop it.
I know that the most important people in my life know the difference, but it is still ruining my life among the community. Any advice on how to handle this?

J_9 · Dec 27, 2012, 08:54 AM

How old is your daughter?

afifah2000 · Dec 27, 2012, 09:07 AM

You need to sit down and talk to her and try to ask her in a polite way how she feels and why she is saying this. If she doesn't answer any questions tell her to write them down and give them to you only. Before she goes out on her own (if she does) or before she goes to school (when she goes back) check her gags on a regular basis (don't tell her about her bags being checked). If a note like this reaches a teacher or a high community leader socail services will get involve- which no parent woul want. There is one last thing I will like to share with you a mother and daughter have a stronger relatinship because of their gender and love.

smcookie · Dec 27, 2012, 03:20 PM

Sorry, I should have included that she is 18 now, not really sure of when exactly she had started these accusations as my husband only became aware of them a couple of weeks ago, but my suspicion is that it was used to get her boyfriend to let her move in with him. Again that is only my suspicion and opinion.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2012, 03:54 PM

At 18, you set rules, and demand, that they are followed at once. If not, you show her the door and throw her out.

Sorry but at some point, tough love has to be considered

joypulv · Dec 27, 2012, 04:24 PM

Is your husband her birth father, and if not, when did he enter the picture?

smcookie · Dec 27, 2012, 04:40 PM

My husband is her birth father, unfortunately he has been a push over with her, only realizing how big the issues were getting last year. My insistence of family counciling helped with that. However, he is still not much help where our daughter is concerned. It is his personality to avoid conflict, I am not a big fan of conflict myself, but as I said I feel she has stepped over the line, and really my biggest concern is that her accusations are harming and will continue to harm myself and the rest of my family. I also have a 12 year old to be concerned about.she has already moved out.

joypulv · Dec 27, 2012, 05:04 PM

Your theory about her lies being an attempt to get her boyfriend to let her move in with him sound plausible and all I can suggest is that you quietly tell this to everyone involved (not on sites like Facebook of course). Chances are she might be back with her tail between her legs. The fact that she had to cook up lies just to move in doesn't bode well for their relationship. She's 18, she's moved out, keep the waters as smooth as possible so that this dies down faster, and people will realize it doesn't make sense anyway, without you having to say more than one sentence.