[LostJazzy]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Let me correct that, he is not my boyfriend, we've been as he says it ''together but not together together'' for 4 years. Now, we sleep in the same bed almost every night and are in each other's company almost every day.

A lot of things are bothering me, things that at first I thought I could handle, but now I'm getting angrier and sicker with every passing day.
He kicks me out of his house (most of the time I'm at his place) whenever he wants to bring another girl over, if I say anything or get mad, he says I'm annoying and that if I continue like this he's going to leave me. Mind you, I'm not allowed to go out, when I finish work I have to go to his house directly or he does not let me hear the end of it. Yet, he says I'm suffocating him because I'm always with him when he is the one that will not let me leave his house or have a life. When I finally do leave him alone he complains that I ''disappeared'' for a whole day or two. I'm not allowed to text or use my phone or he gets extremely mad, but he's always flirting with other girls with his cell phone and he never puts it down. Same thing goes for Facebook.

He gets mad at me for the smallest things, if I buy eggs and that's not what he wants to eat in that particular morning, he'll go crazy and insult me. If I ask him what he wants he tells me ''why do you always ask me what I want'' and he'll kick me out because I am ''procrastinating'' with his hunger.

We always have to do what he wants to do, he'll tell me I'm boring because I never propose something new but when I do he gets mad and tells me life isn't about me and that we don't always have to do what I want.

I keep my mouth shut a lot, I try not to fight, but he picks at everything I do and he's constantly flirting with other girls. When I have tried to talk to him about it he says he does not care about my mood and my feelings and that I should be doing things right so he doesn't have to treat me that way. He tells me I'm selfish because I want him all to myself and don't want him to see other women.

Whenever his bad mood is over he calls me up and expects everything to be OK again, and I have no choice but to go along with it. He never says thank you or appreciates anything I do for him claiming that ''well I didn't ask you to do it so why should I thank you''.
He won't make love to me anymore and whenever we do he acts like I'm forcing him.

He's a sweetheart a lot too, he's not always like this, but he's so moody it's like I'm always walking on eggshells around him and I do not know what to do anymore, it's getting tiring.

He's my first and only boyfriend, we've known each other for ever and have been a ''couple'' for four years and I feel like if I leave him I will never find anyone who I will be able to love as much and that it will be the worst mistake I have ever made. Why am I so vulnerable to him? What should I do?

Please help me, sorry if it was so long, I don't have any friends anymore and I just don't know what to do!

Thank you.

[artemisdgara]

The answer seems kind of obvious. Break up with him, I can understand the whole I love him/her too much and have invested too much time into this to simply quit but the thing is he won't get any better because there isn't a reason for him to. Your enabling him to treat you badly because there are no ramifications for what he does. Break up with him and maybe he will change but I would really try to get over him and find someone who treats you with the respect and dignity a woman deserves. As a guy I can tell you that its hard respecting a woman in a relationship who is docile and lets people walk all over her. Take a stand.

[blondegirl22]

I have been there. Trust me the longer you wait the worse things will get. It is clear to him that he can take advantage of you and he will keep testing his limits. Eventually he will start seeing one of these girls he is texting and you will wonder "why didn't I leave him years ago?"

[dontknownuthin]

Let's see - you sleep with him nearly nightly, spend most of your time with him, it's been going on for four years and he is not comfortable considering you his girlfriend? He throws you out so he can sleep with and date other women. He tells you what to do, rants and raves at you, pitches childish fits, tells you that your opinions and wants and ideas are not valid - it is the height of abuse and that is ALL that it is. Anything nice he does is just to keep you at his beck and call and stop you from leaving.

Leave and never go back. He has nothing to offer you. Do not let him talk yourself into accepting apologies or commitments now from him - he has absolutely nothing of value to offer to you.

Don't get another boyfriend right away. Learn to stand on your own two feet, get some good counseling, join a support group for battered women, and when you feel stronger and more independent, then you can think about what kind of relationship you really want for yourself.

[LostJazzy]

You are absolutely right, the thing is I'm scared less of him, he gets very violent and if I don't do what he wants he'll start shaking and threatening me. I've tried to leave him but whenever I do he manages for me to take him back. Thank you for the advice though, sometimes a girl really needs to hear this from someone else.

Let's see - you sleep with him nearly nightly, spend most of your time with him, it's been going on for four years and he is not comfortable considering you his girlfriend? He throws you out so he can sleep with and date other women. He tells you what to do, rants and raves at you, pitches childish fits, tells you that your opinions and wants and ideas are not valid - it is the height of abuse and that is ALL that it is. Anything nice he does is just to keep you at his beck and call and stop you from leaving.

Leave and never go back. He has nothing to offer you. Do not let him talk yourself into accepting apologies or commitments now from him - he has absolutely nothing of value to offer to you.

Don't get another boyfriend right away. Learn to stand on your own two feet, get some good counseling, join a support group for battered women, and when you feel stronger and more independent, then you can think about what kind of relationship you really want for yourself.

Thank you so, so , so , so much, I wish I knew you in real life, I wish someone had told me this years ago. You are right, and I will follow your advice, thank you.

[LostJazzy]

Threads have been combined


I had been dating a guy recently for four years. We were almost always together unless he would throw a fit and kick me out of his place. He never wanted to admit I was his girlfriend but never cut me loose too, so I was always afraid to leave him because I thought he would one day commit to me. Our ''relationship'' was basically based on his freedom and my complete and utter devotion to him.
But then I got sick of it all. Of never knowing if today is the day he will finally officially be with me or leave me for one of the girls he was cheating on me with. So I asked and him to make a decision on what he wanted because I would no longer wait for him like an idiot and be constantly cheated on. He never gave me a direct answer and just kind of swayed around the topic telling me that he does care for me and doesn't want to lose me but he doesn't want JUST me. (Let me state that he has NEVER kissed me and barely has sex with me anymore)

Around this time I met another guy, and he is amazing. Although I know that I'm not in love with this new guy I know that if I completely let myself go it won't be long until I fall head over heels for him. He is willing to offer everything I've always asked the other guy and I genuinely like him, YET I stop myself.

Why? My ex or whatever suffers from depression, he is a real pothead and does nothing but smoke joint after joint, I'm so adventurous and I feel like he stops me from being me. I'm afraid that if I leave him, I'll really hurt him and he'll have no one, I'm afraid I'll never be able to speak to him again because I truly do care for his well being.

Basically my question is, would it be wrong for me to pursue a relationship with the guy I met?
Oh my god, I don't now. I appreciate any opinion you may have.

[Wondergirl]

What happened after this back on November 5th?

Let's see - you sleep with him nearly nightly, spend most of your time with him, it's been going on for four years and he is not comfortable considering you his girlfriend? He throws you out so he can sleep with and date other women. He tells you what to do, rants and raves at you, pitches childish fits, tells you that your opinions and wants and ideas are not valid - it is the height of abuse and that is ALL that it is. Anything nice he does is just to keep you at his beck and call and stop you from leaving.

Leave and never go back. He has nothing to offer you. Do not let him talk yourself into accepting apologies or commitments now from him - he has absolutely nothing of value to offer to you.

Don't get another boyfriend right away. Learn to stand on your own two feet, get some good counseling, join a support group for battered women, and when you feel stronger and more independent, then you can think about what kind of relationship you really want for yourself.

Thank you so, so , so , so much, i wish i knew you in real life, i wish someone had told me this years ago. You are right, and i will follow your advice, thankyou.

[LostJazzy]

What happened after this back on November 5th?

I left him but he's so manipulative and I 'm so weak with him. Although I have stopped seeing him it's like he's still there somehow you know?

[Wondergirl]

I left him but he's so manipulative and i 'm so weak with him. Although i have stopped seeing him it's like he's still there somehow you know?

Are you now living away from him and not seeing him?

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, uses drugs, free have with otherd, knows he controls you but you devote,
You are in s abusive relationdhip,he has no reason to change
You leave and break all contact

[LostJazzy]

Are you now living away from him and not seeing him?

Yes but he still finds ways to contact me and make me feel guilty. With him always creeping around in my life I don't know if it would be right to start seeing someone else

let me see, uses drugs, free have with otherd, knows he controls you but you devote,
you are in s abusive relationdhip,he has no reason to change
you leave and break all contact

I did, I tried to at least but I swear it's like he doesn't give up.

[Wondergirl]

Say NO.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just say no, he does not give up, since he appears to always win.

If he is on phone, hang up, if you know it is him, don't answer, don't open emails or delete them as soon as you see them,

[talaniman]

Before you chase another you should get help healing from the other fellow.