[ThE_MooN_JeWeL]

:confused: Good Morning,

This is probably a question asked in this category many many times, I see other posts about it as well, but I would like to put out my case and maybe somebody could give me some ideas?

***My Fiancée doesn't want anything sexual or intimate to do with me***

I don't understand it! We have been living together for 3 years now, we love each other desperately, but truth be told the sex hasn't really been there for about 2 and a half years already (admitting it to myself *groan*) though now in the last year its been worse, sex maybe once every 5 months or so, and when it does happen it's a wham-bam-thankyou-maam type of thing. Hes absolutely not interested in pleasing me or what makes me feel good.

He never has been.

You know young love etc etc, I just looked past it in the beginning, disillusioning myself that it would somehow get better when we learned each other better, its just gotten totally worse. I know porn is a factor in

A lot of these situations, and over a year ago I asked him to stop looking at porn because I thought it would help. He continued behind my back, I found out, I diddnt scream or shout but did express how upset I was.

Further down the line he tells me that the reason we are not having sex is because I 'oppress' him because I don't like him using porn.
Since then I tried to got over the porn thing, even sent him some! After that it was different excuses, work (the job which he was in was stressful) then he gave up that job, still work, tired, not fit enough blah blah blah... it just goes on and on. I really don't think he is seeing someone else, maybe he has a slight online thing going though, he has more chat programs than anything else on his computer, and when he's at home he sits on one of those cellphone chats all the time.

His friends, my friends, pretty much everyone tells me I'm hot, gotten even sexier in the last year etc, he even tells me I'm sexy, but won't even give me a decent kiss!

Friends of his have asked me and I'm beginning to wonder, is he gay? Ive joked with him about it to try and gauge his reaction, its difficult.

I for the first time a month ago managed to have a reaction when I masturbated, and in the spirit of openness I told him about it, (its a big thing when the first time you get it right is in your twenties!) and the next time I tried to approach him sexually (which I don't bother with very often anymore) he told me to do it myself.

Please could someone give me some advice on this? Im a passionate person, and I'm no longer inspired!

Thanks guys,

ThE_MooN_JeWeL

[ballengerb1]

I suspect you young man is depressed and has many unresolved control issues. This is going to be a very long road.

[EnglishRose]

Is the porn of naked women? Because that would kill the gay theory. When you say his relationship with his mother is unhealth, could you explain a little?

[ThE_MooN_JeWeL]

Yes the porn is of naked women, but there is still that lingering feeling there you know?
As to the relationship with his mother, he didn't move out of the house until he met me in his late twenties, his mother is very unusually close to him, over weekends we go to stay at her house, it was happening almost every weekend for 3 months in a row.
When he speaks of her it's a very strong emotional love hate thing, I think he is most dependent on her, and she absolutely dotes on him.

[EnglishRose]

Thank god for that, I thought you might have meant something a bit more sinister than that. I'm a bit like that with my mum, but there was only two of us when I was growing up. At least when he stays with her he invites you, I know girls who's bfs go on their own and the girls are never certain they are really there. I don't think that being close to his mum, or the porn can be the problem though. I actually do really inderstand why people get so upset about their boyfriends looking at porn. Its totally normal, as long as it isn't controlling their lives. Making a big thing out of it will just make the whole thing seem seedy and he will be forced to try and hide it.
The thing that concerns me here is that you haven't said that you love him or anything good about the realationship

[EnglishRose]

Can you ignore the above, I made so many typos that it didn't make sense. This version is correct -Thank god for that, I thought you might have meant something a bit more sinister than that. I'm a bit like that with my mum, but there was only two of us when I was growing up. At least when he stays with her he invites you, I know girls who's bfs go on their own and the girls are never certain they are really there. I don't think that being close to his mum, or the porn can be the problem though. I actually dont really inderstand why people get so upset about their boyfriends looking at porn. Its totally normal, as long as it isn't controlling their lives. Making a big thing out of it will just make the whole thing seem seedy and he will be forced to try and hide it.
The thing that concerns me here is that you haven't said that you love him or anything good about the realationship.

[ThE_MooN_JeWeL]

Of course I love him! Goodness, I love him until the ends of the universe and back again! I would do anything for him, absolutely anything. I suppose the reason I didn't write about the relationship is I wanted to directly address the problem itself. We are vary happy as a couple, its just the physical side that's not there.

[EnglishRose]

Good, just checking. I don't really know what to suggest, other than telling him how you feel without getting over emotional or blaming the porn. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help the situation and see whether he thinks there is a problem. If he is happy with the situation then it is going to be difficult because it may be that this may never change and that you will have to decide if this is something you can live without. If you love him as much as you say you do it maybe something you could live without to be with him. However, if it carried on, could you be sure you would never be unfaithful? Also I personally would have big issues with my guy sitting on chat lines though. If it was a chat line about cars or something then it wouldn't be so bad, but if he is talking to girls, are you OK with that?

[ramblinguy]

:confused: Good Morning,

This is probably a question asked in this category many many times, i see other posts about it aswell, but i would like to put out my case and maybe somebody could give me some ideas?

***My Fiancee doesnt want anything sexual or intimate to do with me***

I dont understand it! We have been living together for 3 years now, we love each other desperately, but truth be told the sex hasnt really been there for about 2 and a half years already (admitting it to myself *groan*) though now in the last year its been worse, sex maybe once every 5 months or so, and when it does happen its a wham-bam-thankyou-maam type of thing. Hes absolutely not interested in pleasing me or what makes me feel good.

He never has been.

You know young love etc etc, i just looked past it in the beginning, disillusioning myself that it would somehow get better when we learned each other better, its just gotten totally worse. I know porn is a factor in

alot of these situations, and over a year ago i asked him to stop looking at porn because i thought it would help. he continued behind my back, i found out, i diddnt scream or shout but did express how upset i was.

Further down the line he tells me that the reason we are not having sex is because i 'oppress' him because i dont like him using porn.
Since then i tried to got over the porn thing, even sent him some! After that it was different excuses, work (the job which he was in was stressful) then he gave up that job, still work, tired, not fit enough blah blah blah... it just goes on and on. I really dont think he is seeing someone else, maybe he has a slight online thing going though, he has more chat programs than anything else on his computer, and when hes at home he sits on one of those cellphone chats all the time.

His friends, my friends, pretty much everyone tells me im hot, gotten even sexier in the last year etc, he even tells me im sexy, but wont even give me a decent kiss!

Friends of his have asked me and im beginning to wonder, is he gay? Ive joked with him about it to try and guage his reaction, its difficult.

I for the first time a month ago managed to have a reaction when i masturbated, and in the spirit of openess i told him about it, (its a big thing when the first time you get it right is in your twenties!) and the next time i tried to approach him sexually (which i dont bother with very often anymore) he told me to do it myself.

Please could someone give me some advice on this? Im a passionate person, and im no longer inspired!

thanks guys,

ThE_MooN_JeWeL

If you 've talked at length, and it sounds like you have, and he still isn't interested, why bother? You cannot get married to someone if with an issue like this unresloved. As a couple you need to get counseling. This issue will not get bettter on its own.

[kepi]

This sounds like he has issues he needs to resolve. I agree with whoever suggested he should see a docor about depression.