[Freight_Train]

Okayy so I'm a 19 year old guy(gay) and I live in AZ, US.
This question has a small pre-story to help understand the question. My apologies if it seems rather long instead of brief.

- So I am having trouble keeping a life along the lines of being myself but I also live another which is fake as an OG. I started getting into it at 16 when I began smokin' trees and dealing drugs/weps. I don't know how I got so easily tied up in it but It's given hell I didn't think (at the time obviously) how much I would be affect by it.

I'm somewhat still in the closet due to my situation. I live by a recently now gang-infested area(street gangs "bloods, crypts etc." and orgranizations "lately, A.B. M.M. etc). I have friends in a general area pretty close to my house and they are actually the ones that accept me and my S.O. (not a sex offender). But they are surrounded (all over AZ too) by "homies n' Niggas" (in my opinion "nigga" is not bad terminology) that cannot know. One guy actually kidnapped me for almost day (almost shot me) and got in my head so bad my friends thought I was on that tweak (G/dope).

(Something that might help you understand the "homies")

I have 9+ affiliations, 2+ associations, leader of my own crew, and have had recent requests to combine my crew to a gang. I have been almost killed/whacked (by an organization), stab, jumped (that one I have actually), (suprisingly) raped etc. As you can see This isn't the life I intend to look for. The whole point in my young dumb mind at the time was to keep me from getting beat-up in high school/or walkin even in the area and now I have a deadly second life.

So without further ado. The result of this information is to ask "What do I do to keep a normal life (comfortably) without getting whacked or something?"

I simply just want a husband, 2 kids, house and a job with stability. Young for a dream like so but Its something valued.

[mareola]

You can't maintain two lives. Any criminal activity to try to keep up would put your future children in harm's way. You are getting too old to run the streets like a kid. Man up and change your life for the better.

Move. That's your only choice. Your gang affiliations and past will make it difficult (possibly even dangerous) for you to change your persona and lifestyle.

Also (and I hope I don't offend), learn to talk/write like a normal person. People will continue to see you a gang banger even if you move and make all new friends if you continue to speak like a street thug.

[Fr_Chuck]

You can not continue to live two lives, and to be honest no respectable husband will want a person living the other life. They will explode and you will be left with nothing.

Not sure why being stabbed, jumped and rapped is a surprise, this is what happens in these life styles. Death is just the next step, you don't seem 50 year old gang members normally, for a reason.

You chose what you want, and take that life and leave the other, no other choice.

[Freight_Train]

Hey, Thanks for the advice guys. I've thought about it for a bit and have slowly began the process of "fading away". I have torn my affiliates and associations from my life. I dropped my crew. The only thing left is for the gang to stop contacting me and I'll probably have to move. Was just trying not to, I recently just gained custody of a son,(Wasn't aware I had one of those). I will say this though, It will be a easier than most gangs to leave. It's called "the Juggalos". It was a family until recent years. Anyway, sorry again for the paragraph reply, and thank you both for the advice.