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brisvegasbaby · Dec 13, 2012, 09:03 AM

My man and I have been together for 18 months. We don't live together but live close by so we spend a lot of time together. I know that it is common for couples to have less sex after a while but this just seems ridiculous. We went from having sex 3-5 times a week to once.
Before we got together (when he first started to like me) I was very heavy. Before we got into a relationship I lost 20kgs. Over the space of a year and a half I have put most of this weight back on. I have been working hard and have lost 10kg's in the last 9wks. As we have an honest relationship, I mentioned that we had been having less sex and asked if it was because I had put on weight and he was not as sexually attracted to me. He said no, he said that while he had noticed my weight gain it had not been an issue as he liked me both before and after all my initial weight loss. He said that he was just too tired and maybe a little depressed because of his job. He also suggested that I have a higher sex drive because I am 5 years younger. He assured me I shouldn't worry.
However he watches porn when I am not there. So I think that the excuse of tired/ depressed is bogus.
I have tried the following- lingerie, nice nighties, dressing up/ costumes, role plays, sexy text messages, dying my hair back to blonde as he prefers it, wearing less make-up because he prefers it, being around less/ spending less time at his house, being spontaneous, asking him to have a shower with me and outright asking what I can do.
Nothing works for very long. Whenever I try to broach the topic he refuses to tell me why we are having less sex and insists there is nothing I can do. After these conversations he initiates sex that night or the next morning/ day. While I am happy to have sex these times and have my desires met, it screams of pity f*** and guilt sex.
I have no idea what to do.
This is crushing me, myself esteem is evaporating and it makes me feel unsexy and undesirable. I catch myself in moments of self loathing that I thought I had left in the past, many many years ago...

LightCross · Dec 13, 2012, 09:21 AM

As he said to you since you are younger than him you have more sex drive than him which probably was he reasons. If there were to be another reasons maybe it is his job. Maybe he got a lot of pressure from work and exhausted. Have u tried to ask him about his situation in job?Like maybe there are problems with his coworker or anything?

brisvegasbaby · Dec 13, 2012, 09:34 AM

Yeah we talk a lot about his job. It is not intellectually stimulating enough for him and he wishes that he went back to uni instead of dropping out. However he lacks motivation to find a new job or go back to uni. He knows what he needs to do to make changes and he knows that I will support him in his choices. But he is stuck in a never ending cycle with this same issue. Its been happening for 10 years now with various jobs and continuous disappointment in himself for leaving uni... I have not been with him that whole time but that's what he tells me.

LightCross · Dec 13, 2012, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by brisvegasbaby

Yeah we talk a lot about his job. It is not intellectually stimulating enough for him and he wishes that he went back to uni instead of dropping out. However he lacks motivation to find a new job or go back to uni. He knows what he needs to do to make changes and he knows that I will support him in his choices. But he is stuck in a never ending cycle with this same issue. its been happening for 10 years now with various jobs and continuous disappointment in himself for leaving uni... I have not been with him that whole time but that's what he tells me.

Ok I kind of understand the picture abit. He is currently being concerned about his future maybe, doing jobs that is not stimulating enough for him. His idea about coming back to university said it a lot, maybe he thinks that he is abit lack of competency in his jobs and feels the needs to study more. Right now he needs more of mental support from you like advice in jobs, and how to solve things in his work, try to ask him what his goals are and what kind of dream job he wants, the talk can get better from there.Being in situations like that are big reason for his low sex drive.