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sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 07:08 AM

Hi, I and my boyfriend love each other very much. But my past hurts him a lot, I can't see him suffering? Since he came in my life he changed me completely and I have changed but he feels that being such a good boy he doesn't deserve such a girl like me. He made me realize whatever I did in the past was wrong and I do admit for it. I am hurt when he keeps on talking about my past. Each time he talks about that I cannot see him suffering. He has never been out with as much guy as me and this hurts him a lot.

I don't know what to do. Please help me ;(

Oliver2011 · Dec 11, 2012, 07:16 AM

He changed you or he is controlling you? There is a big difference. And if the change was so important to him, why would he feel the need to continue bringing up the past.

Your past is your past - we all have a past. If you have changed a negative to a positive, then be proud. I would question the motives of continually bringing up the past to you. But I don't know what the past is either.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2012, 07:28 AM

Your boyfriend sounds like a self righteous snob. Your past is your past. If he can't deal with it he should leave you, but to stay with you and throw it in your face is just ugly and manipulative. He must have a past or thoughts he does not want to think about.
Do yourself a favor and leave him alone.

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 07:36 AM

My past keeps on haunting him.sometimes when he asks me questions about my past, I want to lie because it really hurts him but I think that I should be frank. I am really confused

Fr_Chuck · Dec 11, 2012, 07:40 AM

He should stop asking questions that he is not mature enough to handle. Just tell him and be frank with him, that you do not wish to discuss your past any longer, You are no longer that way and he should stop bringing it up

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Your boyfriend sounds like a self righteous snob. Your past is your past. If he can't deal with it he should leave you, but to stay with you and throw it in your face is just ugly and manipulative. He must have a past or thoughts he does not want to think about.
Do yourself a favor and leave him alone.

He says that I'm his life and can't live without me. Every time the topic of my past comes into our conversation. I know he really loves me. I know I have a terrible past but I have changed why doesn't he see that. He says that he doesn't have any problem with my present but with my past. I don't know what to do. He says that he has rejected many girls because of me he makes me feel as if he is doing me a favour

J_9 · Dec 11, 2012, 07:48 AM

How old are the two of you? I'm guessing around 16.

Your past is your past. It happened before him. There is nothing you can do to change it now. If he can't get over it, he's the one with the problem, not you.

One thing you will learn in life, as you move forward, is to keep your past in the past. What happens before a boyfriend is private information that you discuss with no one. There is no way you can change it, so why discuss it?

If he can't get over it, then you need to move on.

This boy really sounds like an egotistical idiot. You should never have to change for anyone but yourself. If he's not happy with the person you were when you met him, you will never make him happy. Time to give this arrogant lackey the boot.

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

He should stop asking questions that he is not mature enough to handle. Just tell him and be frank with him, that you do not wish to discuss your past any longer, You are no longer that way and he should stop bringing it up

He wants me to be his ideal wife and I'm trying my best. But I don't want the discussion of my past. I want to forget it but he doesn't

J_9 · Dec 11, 2012, 07:52 AM

every time the topic of my past comes into our conversation.

Then stop the conversation. Tell him that you can't change the past and if he can't accept it that he needs to move on to greener pastures.

he wants me to be his ideal wife and I'm trying my best. But I don't want the discussion of my past. I want to forget it but he doesn't

Then he wouldn't be the ideal husband now would he?

Wondergirl · Dec 11, 2012, 07:58 AM

I agree with J_9. NEVER tell a boyfriend about your past because he will never let it stay in the past. It will always come up in fights and if he is upset with you.

This boyfriend is cruel and manipulative and mean and egocentric. His world isn't you. His world is himself. Move on without him. (And I am a professional counselor, so that's my professional opinion.)

C0bra_M3nace · Dec 11, 2012, 08:03 AM

Here's an answer from the boyfriends perspective because I've been in this situation. Actually this situation is what brought me to this website in the first place with my very own question.

He's jealous. Plain and simple. Jealous because he wasn't the one to have had those experiences with you first. Now this is assuming he was a virgin when he met you, or hasn't slept with and/or fooled around with as many people as you.

This is a very hard emotion to overcome. He has a choice to make. He can let the past bother him and hinder his feelings or he can let it go and love you for who you are. Jealousy will demolish your relationship from the ground up. You need to decide whether you want to stay and be miserable or leave and find someone who can control their emotions.

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

How old are the two of you? I'm guessing around 16.

Your past is your past. It happened before him. There is nothing you can do to change it now. If he can't get over it, he's the one with the problem, not you.

One thing you will learn in life, as you move forward, is to keep your past in the past. What happens before a boyfriend is private information that you discuss with no one. There is no way you can change it, so why discuss it?

If he can't get over it, then you need to move on.

This boy really sounds like an egotistical idiot. You should never have to change for anyone but yourself. If he's not happy with the person you were when you met him, you will never make him happy. Time to give this arrogant lackey the boot.

He is 20 and I'm 19. One thing is for sure he really loves me and even I. but my past!! We want each other in our life

Oliver2011 · Dec 11, 2012, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by sweetgurl

he is 20 and i'm 19. one thing is for sure he really loves me and even i. but my past!!!! we want each other in our life

It should be said that you also need to put your past behind you. It sounds like you are also having difficulty doing so.

We all have a past - some worse than others. I am totally in love with my current partner but the partner doesn't get to know all my darkest secrets either. Nor do I get to hear about my partner's. Let it go!! But also don't stay with someone who continues to bring it up. That isn't love.

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 08:55 AM

I want to stay with him. I have fooled around with many guys but I was not ready to have sex with any of them. I don't know why if he would ask me to sleep with him I would say yes. I feel I have found my true love

Homegirl 50 · Dec 11, 2012, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by sweetgurl

he is 20 and i'm 19. one thing is for sure he really loves me and even i. but my past!!!! we want each other in our life

He does not really love you because if he did he would love all of you and he would not be throwing your past in your face. He is belittling and manipulating you. Was he a virgin when you met him? You will never be happy and confident with someone like that.
He needs to either grow up or you need to love yourself enough to leave.

Originally Posted by sweetgurl

i want to stay with him. i have fooled around with many guys but i was not ready to have sex with any of them. i don't know why if he would ask me to sleep with him i would say yes. i feel i have found my true love

So you have not had sex with any of these guys? What is his problem? This guy has issues that have nothing to do with you.

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 09:06 AM

We both are a virgin. When he started talking about my past he starts to cry this shows that he's hurt. I can' see someone in such a pain because of me?

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 09:17 AM

Can I delete these conversations going on? I don't want anyone who knows me to learn about my life

sweetgurl · Dec 11, 2012, 09:19 AM

[QUOTE=Homegirl 50;3344160]you but he was not like I was in the past. He is a really good guy. I feel he doesn't deserve such a girl like me

talaniman · Dec 11, 2012, 09:21 AM

Instead of being a sucker for his tears, tell him to get over himself and move forward or get gone. Why do you allow him to make you feel guilty? That's not love from either of you. Indulging his stupidity is not helping but makes things worse.

C0bra_M3nace · Dec 11, 2012, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by sweetgurl

we both are a virgin. when he started talking about my past he starts to cry this shows that he's hurt. i can' see someone in such a pain because of me??

You're both virgins and he's acting like this? His pain is not from you it's from himself. This is pathetic, what more does he want?! and here I was thinking I was pathetic for being jealous of my girlfriend because I was a virgin when I met her and she wasn't.

If you don't break up with this guy, you're going to be living a very upset life full of spiteful bitter arguments. Do you want that? When are you going to say "enough is enough?"