[yourgirl]

I'm 21 years old, I've been having sex since I was 17. I've had sex with about 5 guys and never ever had an orgasm during sex or during oral sex. I've only been able to climax when I'm by myself, and only from my clitoris, never from my vagina. What is wrong with me? The size of the guys penis didn't even make a difference... I'm tired of faking orgasms. Help...

[Cat1864]

First, there is nothing wrong with you. It is very common for women to not have an orgasm from penetration. Most of us aren't built to get enough stimulation from penetration alone. As for not getting one from oral stimulation, you may not be getting into it as much as you may want to think you are.

Second, stop faking orgasms. Faking anything will not help you figure out what you need to to actually have one.

Understand that orgasm for the female begins in the mind. If your mind is distracted or you are feeling pressured to achieve some goal, then it will be harder for you to allow yourself to enjoy the journey. Remember that the mind is the largest sexual organ a female has. Erotica and building (or sharing) a fantasy world with your partner can help you both focus mentally on being aroused.

You say that you can climax during masturbation. That can give you clues as to what might help you achieve an orgasm during sex. However, for some women what gets them off during masturbation doesn't quite work during intercourse. You stimulating your clitoris while thinking about your current fantasy may be the way to climax during masturbation but having your partner concentrate on your clitoris may be irritating and off-putting because your mind is expecting different sensations than the ones it is getting. Being more general or 'teasing' might help your mind and body work together toward climax.

Change your expectations from getting off to experimenting to find out what feels good for you and your partner. The experimenting may include different positions, slightly different angles, tempos, toys, use of hands, etc. But don't go into sex expecting to have an orgasm. That turns sex into a race to a finish. Instead turn it into a journey of exploration and pleasure.

Arousal and climax begin long before you take your clothes off and get anywhere near a bed. Allow yourself to anticipate the enjoyment and sensations of being with your partner. If your mind is aroused then your body will have an easier time following.

Above all, have fun.