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ntroiano · Dec 6, 2012, 11:24 AM

My boyfriend an I just had our 4 year anniversary. He's always known I wanted to get married, and when we first started dating, he said the same. Now the $hit is getting real, and marriage is being discussed, he's having anxiety about it, and saying he doesn't know if it's the right thing to do because he's not excited about it. It's putting a ton of stress on the relationship - he knows what I want, and his views of what he thought he wanted are changed. The kicker is he doesn't want me to leave. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He says he loves me but doesn't know if we should stay together if he's feeling bad about marriage - and continues to tell me he doesn't want me to leave, and that I'm the best person he knows. I've decided that I am going to move out soon - I guess my question is, how do I approach this - I do want to be with him, and it makes me sick thinking about ending the relationship - I was thinking of telling him I'm moving out until he makes a decision one way or the other. I was also thinking of just going cold turkey and ending it - I have been more than patient, and I don't nag that much about maggaige - but I know what I want. Has anyone ever left their sig. other, and he came crawling back doing and saying everything you've wnted from him?

smoothy · Dec 6, 2012, 11:41 AM

Simple... why buy the cow if you already get the milk for free.

YOu have to be willing to walk away... if he is pressured into doing this... he WILL grow to resent you over time most likely... he just like you has to walk into this under his own free will and choice.

ntroiano · Dec 6, 2012, 02:02 PM

I agree - I actually think I made it too good for him in some ways - I cook most of the time, I don't give him a hard time about doing things with friends or otherwise, I'm always around to help - I'm not needy or naggy about anything. He has a great life and doesn't realize what he's going to miss out on. It's just too bad he can't see the light before its too late. And maybe I'm just not the one for him, but he has had so much trouble opening up to me about this. He's going to have the same issue with the next person. And if we don't end up working out together, I am definitely never moving in with someone again until I'm engaged

smoothy · Dec 6, 2012, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by ntroiano

I agree - I actually think I made it too good for him in some ways - i cook most of the time, i dont give him a hard time about doing things with friends or otherwise, im always around to help - im not needy or naggy about anything. he has a great life and doesnt realize what hes gonna miss out on. it's just too bad he can't see the light before its too late. and maybe im just not the one for him, but he has had so much trouble opening up to me about this. hes gonna have the same issue with the next person. and if we dont end up working out together, i am definately never moving in with someone again until i'm engaged

Keep in mind.. you are seeing the real him... even if you do convince him... you see what he will slip back into.

And I do agree... many people... male and female... don't realize what they had until its gone for good.