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Lala777 · Dec 3, 2012, 05:06 PM

I met a great guy 2 weeks before he went overseas for a year-long contract. We spent two weeks together getting to know each other and definitely enjoyed our time together. He made it clear that he likes me. Neither one of us mentioned commitment because I feel like we both know it was too soon. He's had other long distance relationships that did not work out because the girls cheated. Our relationship is like clockwork although there's a huge time difference when he wakes up he text me and we chat for a minute and when I wake up I do the same. We have done some sexting and it usually makes us both feel very close. When I do that I get a lot of lovey-dovey talk from him and a lot of attention. I feel like it makes the relationship but sometimes I don't want to do that. I feel like I need a guarantee from him that we are together together. I still feel like it's too soon for that. I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not but I feel like without that he's very dry and flat but he still is like clockwork with our messages. I guess I'm just confused.

smoothy · Dec 3, 2012, 05:10 PM

You knew him a whole two weeks before he left?

Give up on it... find someone else... he will. 2 weeks is nothing... a year is a long time He will start tapering off and eventually stop contacting you...

Lala777 · Dec 3, 2012, 05:23 PM

Dang.. Really? He works 6 days a week in aphganistan.. We didn't have sex or anthing just a little fooling around.. He trusts me enough to have the keys to his car and storage unit.. I'm a really good girl and met through a mutual friend who confirmed to him that I was a really good girl and our mutual friend told me he was a great guy who had been through a lot. He's 31 and I am 43. I hate to give up on it. I guess I figure if we can stay friends for this year it might work. But then I always want a little bit more. I love to be in a relationship and I loved all the attention. I think he did too. You're probably right. He did say that he didn't want to share me. But when I asked him how does a long distance relationship work, he just said I don't know. He's very shy and he would never assume to have me commit to him. Hell, I don't know. I'm the type that would commit to him because I really like him. If he stayed here we would definitely be together. I mean, I do have the keys to his car, he must trust me and some shirts doused with cologne. Am my just a hopeless romantic?

smoothy · Dec 3, 2012, 05:36 PM

You might be the best gal in the world.. fact is you haven't developed a relationship before he left...

If he was still here it would be way different. THe problem with long distance relationships... especially when you never really got to know each other in person first... is you start making assumptions and building false realities in your mind about what the other is really like... and when you get back together the reality you each aren't what you dreamed in your mind means things will likely not work out over the long haul... and you will have wasted a large chunk of your life you will never get back.

The fact you are a hopeless romantic (which is not a bad thing in itself) it means you are VERY likely to dream up stuff that is really not true about him filling in the huge gaps of what you know about him. And emails , voice and even Skype is a very poor substitute for actually being there.

Lala777 · Dec 3, 2012, 05:46 PM

You r most likely right. I guess I'm feeling like it would be a shame to back out and let him go while he's still interested. Would there be harm in staying friends do you think? I could just go on with my days and if I meet someone consider dating them since we don't have a commitment. And just see what happens. What do you think?

smoothy · Dec 3, 2012, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by Lala777

You r most likely right. I guess I'm feeling like it would be a shame to back out and let him go while he's still interested. Would there be harm in staying friends do you think? I could just go on with my days and if I meet someone consider dating them since we don't have a commitment. And just see what happens. What do you think?

Its going to be easy to back away... avoid getting all gushy on emails... don't answer as quick... eventually he will back away.. in fact you might start to see it after a few months yourself. In the meantime... keep you eyes open locally.

Its not like you've been together for years or even married. If that was the case... My advice would be different.

Lala777 · Dec 3, 2012, 06:16 PM

Thanks for the input... I see your way of thinking is very practical.. Which is good to hear..