[awtactical]

Me and my girl have been together for 6 months now. She is young. I saw a thread about this earlier and I thought that I would make my own. I am 20 and she is 14. Now before you say anything about her being too young for love, I have asked her if she really wanted to wait around for me, she said yes. I continue to talk to her and see her because I know how important communication and trust is in a relationship. And if you do not know how it feels to be in a relationship like this, please do not submit an answer. I am old enough to realize the situation I am and I don't need a smart one to post a snide answer on my thread. I was just wondering if anybody knows what to do in this kind of situation. She is very mature. I have seen the way she acts. She acts just like girls my age and she is very comfortable around me and tells me everything about her life and I love her and support her with everything I have. She is also very smart. She runs a 4.0 in high school and plans on going to college very soon. She has a bad past with her family and she tells me about it all the time and I support her 100 percent of the time and I made a promise to make her much happier and so far, I have kept the promise I made to her. We talked about marriage before. She loves the idea and it warms my heart to hear her so excited for it. I just want her to know what responsibilities come with marriage. This is not about sexual contact either. We are both virgins and do not plan on doing anything until she is of age. Her grandparents are her legal guardians and according to her, they love me, because of how I treat her and how happy I make her. Any helpful comments or answers are surely appreciated.

Thank you!

Austin

[Oliver2011]

"This is not about sexual contact either."

You will be walking that tightrope for 4 years and under pressure to do something and want something. If you do decide now how prison orange jumpsuit looks on you now. Also think about being labeled a sexual predator for the rest of your life. Even sexting can land you in jail right now.

Better yet - find yourself and find out what it is about you that attracts you physically AND mentally to a 14 year old. If you find this out my guess is you won't like the answer.

[awtactical]

Like I said we are virgins. I don't plan on doing anything with her for a while. It makes our relationship much stronger if we wait to do those kind of things. Like I said. "NO SEXUAL CONTACT." Why don't you ask yourself what love is and see if the definition has the word "age" in it at all. That will bury any doubts you may have about my relationship. If her grandparents like the idea, I might get engaged with her by the time she is 17. People like you just need to get over the fact that people can fall in love. She may be young, but I don't appreciate the fact that most people that have a problem with our relationship are all in relationships where their partner is the same age as or 1/2 years difference. On that note, they do not know how a relationship like this feels.

[Oliver2011]

Like I said we are virgins. I don't plan on doing anything with her for a while. It makes our relationship much stronger if we wait to do those kind of things. Like I said. "NO SEXUAL CONTACT." Why don't you ask yourself what love is and see if the definition has the word "age" in it at all. That will bury any doubts you may have about my relationship. If her grandparents like the idea, I might get engaged with her by the time she is 17. People like you just need to get over the fact that people can fall in love. She may be young, but I dont appreciate the fact that most people that have a problem with our relationship are all in relationships where their partner is the same age as or 1/2 years difference. On that note, they do not know how a relationship like this feels.

Did you take her Trick or Treating last Halloween? Did she dress up like Hana Montana? Is her bedtime 8:30?

Do you hear yourself? You think you are in love with a child. What emotional and mental connection can you have with a child? If this doesn't work out maybe you can set your sights on another Middle School aged child. Better yet, as a father someday, would you approve of your Middle School aged child dating a man (certainly by age only).

[odinn7]

Sure the word "age" isn't in the definition of love... but the law really doesn't care about that at all.

I have to completely agree with Oliver. He has some good insight here. And just because you don't like the answers you're getting, doesn't mean the answers are wrong... it only means they are answrs that you don't want to hear.

So anyway, my wife is 6 years younger than I am but guess what? We started dating when BOTH of us were legal adults. In this case I agree that age doesn't matter. I do have to wonder what it is about a 14 year old that would make a 20 year old so attracted... well, other than the sexual part of it that is. At 20, you should have a different life than she does. Are you developmentally challenged? Or maybe she has such superior intellect that she is completely on your level... right.

So really... as Oliver said, look inside yourself and see what it is about a 14 year old that attracts you so much. Something isn't right.

[awtactical]

That's the part that most of you don't understand. I'm not in this relationship for sex. It's for her. She understands me and supports me 100 percent. She sees past my age. My looks. She sees the heart I have and the feelings I have for her. It may be socially not accepted, but could I at least get some good advice. I don't need someone to try and shut down the idea of my relationship with her. The reason why she attracts me is because of her maturity and the fact that we have so much in common. She is a country girl, I am a country guy and we both have the same love for a lot of the same things. Sports, Music, Family Values, Dreams, etc. There's your answer guys. Sorry it took so long.

[awtactical]

Oh and also what attracts me is her affinity for those around her and her friendliness. She is a counselor for gift/special needs children. She is incredibly smart and sweet. I would appreciate you guys not referring her as a 14 year old. I know what she is. It's not what she is to me, it's who she is to me. Obviously none of you really care about my situation because if you did, you would see past her age. That's all I ever get from the younger generation. It's wrong because she is so young! Get the heck over it! It really ticks me off that people can't get over themselves. Let me put you in my shoes. See what you do.

[Oliver2011]

That's the part that most of you don't understand. I'm not in this relationship for sex. It's for her. She understands me and supports me 100 percent. She sees past my age. My looks. She sees the heart I have and the feelings I have for her. It may be socially not accepted, but could I at least get some good advice. I don't need someone to try and shut down the idea of my relationship with her. The reason why she attracts me is because of her maturity and the fact that we have so much in common. She is a country girl, I am a country guy and we both have the same love for a lot of the same things. Sports, Music, Family Values, Dreams, etc. There's your answer guys. Sorry it took so long.

"but could I at least get some good advice."

From where I am sitting you have gotten excellent advice.

You have to make your own decisions and each of those decisions has consequences. Some can be good and some can be bad. That child has the same issue only she can still be grounded by her parents.

Christmas gift ideas for the one you "love": Coloring books, Barbie, washable makeup, underroos, the new Harry Potter book, etc.

[odinn7]

Nobody needs to get over themselves except you.

What you are doing is questionable at best. What kind of advice did you expect to get?

Oh! Go for it!
Awesome!
I'm so happy for you that you found your true love and she's not in diapers anymore!

Really now. You came here knowing you were going to have issues but you posted anyway. The general population doesn't agree with what you're doing. I have a 12 year old daughter. In 2 years, if I find out that there is a 20 year old guy grooming her, I would need to be restrained to keep from acting on it.

What did you really expect?

Here's some advice... find a girl your own age.

[awtactical]

Odinn, what do you think a man would want to date your daughter for? Answer that question correctly and I will grant you a response. (:

[odinn7]

That's the problem... A "man" shouldn't want to date my daughter at that age.

[Oliver2011]

That's the problem...A "man" shouldn't want to date my daughter at that age.

The severity of the situation is lost on him, that is until he is fitted with the prison orange jump suit. See - that is why I don't do something to go to prison - orange is so not my color.

If emotional maturity was scored, I think we are looking at a dead heat.

[smoothy]

What's wrong with finding a WOMAN your own age rather than a GIRL? Or can't you find a woman old enough to think for herself rather than a girl you can take advantage of to get what you want. We have a name for people like that... we call them pedophiles.

[mogrann]

I know this is not legal but I wish it was. If someone is dating an underage girl (notice I did not say woman) then fathers, brother, mother, uncle heck anyone should be able to beat the heck out of said pervert and not get charged. I don't care sexual contact or not if you are dating a little girl you need to be taught a lesson.
This is speaking from someone that was abused by a older person who thought little girls were sexy and attractive.
OP you are a freaking pervert and I hope karma gets you.

[hheath541]

She's 14. At 14, NO ONE is mature enough to know what they want. She doesn't even know who SHE is, yet. Hell, 20 isn't old enough to know who you are. Wait six months, or maybe a year, and EVERYTHING will change.

Has she even hit PUBERTY, yet?

I have a 13 year old niece. You better BELIEVE there would be a line several blocks long of people waiting for a chance to kick a 20 year old man's @ss if he even THOUGHT about dating her.

[hheath541]

Oh, and it doesn't take sexual contact for you to end up in jail. All it takes is the right (or wrong, for you) person to suspect it. Suddenly, you're in court trying to explain to a judge and jury what a 20 year old man could POSSIBLY see in a 14 year old girl, that ISN'T sexual. Good luck with that. Even if she swears nothing is going on, a jury will be inclined to believe she's lying either out of fear or to protect you.

Once you're convicted of a sex crime, it will control every part of your life. You will have to register every time you move. You will be prevented from living in some areas. You won't be allowed to work some jobs, and others will refuse to hire you. It may even dictate who you can be around.

Even if you don't get convicted, the charge will stay on your record. That means that ANY background check will see it. More and more jobs run a background check before hiring, and a sex crime charge will make many turn you down. If you ever get in ANY sort of trouble with the police, they'll see that charge and be more inclined to be tougher on you.

Pretty much every single person you will ever talk to has a younger sister, niece, daughter, granddaughter, or friend's daughter. They find out you were charged with sexual misconduct with a minor, and you are automatically on their blacklist. The few who bother to let you try to explain will stop listening as soon as they learn your ages.

You're REALLY ready to ruin your entire life just so you can 'date' a child?

[MadlyInLove]

I feel like everyone in this thread has gone a little bit too far in jumping to conclusions. I think that everyone should give the OP the benefit of the doubt, and give him genuine answers. If you don't believe in what he's doing and have nothing positive to share, then you don't have to post here. What he does in his life is his choice, and he came to a support website for answers. He specifically said not to post if you are just going to talk about their ages.

I am 20 years old right now, but I remember being in high school just several years ago. And I remember many girls(and guys) that were super mature for their ages, some that are probably even more mature than me right now. I'm not an immature person in general, but some of the 14 and 15 year old girls I met in high school already knew what they wanted to do in life, and they are doing it right now. I'm still at a community college figuring out what I like and don't like.

If the OP is serious and he is willing to wait for this girl, then more power to him. Emotional connection is more important than physical anyway. Do what you're doing, and don't let other people make you doubt your relationship. Just be supportive and caring, and you can be together in a few years without feeling any judgement from others who don't understand your situation. In fact I don't understand your situation because I haven't been in one similar, but I can understand that it can work if you're respectful.

[tickle]

Madly, you have experts here who are posting, and have read it all. You can't determine who can post or not post here. That is not your option. I agree with many of our experts in this topic. The OP SHOULD NOT BE DATING OR HAVING ANY RELATIONS WITH AN UDERAGE GIRL.

Until you get some experience under your belt here, then you really have no right to cast judgment on our experts.

When you post your opinion here, on an international site, your words are heard by many people, right or wrong. If they are wrong, then you are doing a disservice to the population. Please choose your words carefully if you want to post here and be heard and understood, and make sure you include any links to topics that you are referring to.

Tick

[odinn7]

If you don't believe in what he's doing and have nothing positive to share, then you don't have to post here.

Ok, thanks for letting me know that I don't have to post here because I don't agree with him.

What he does in his life is his choice, and he came to a support website for answers. He specifically said not to post if you are just going to talk about their ages.

It's his choice? Sure it is... but if it involves something like this, there's more to it than whether it's his choice. We're not talking about buying a shirt here.

And again, I thank you for pointing out that I shouldn't be posting in this thread. I'm glad I have someone to watch over me and the others here to tell us that we either need to agree or not post.

[Alty]

First, this is a public forum. Anyone can post on any thread they see fit, and as long as they give valid advice (and valid doesn't mean the advice the OP wants to hear), they have a right to post. No one can dictate who posts on this thread. It's open to any member of this site.

Second, this isn't a matter of opinion. Not one decent person on this site is going to give a 20 year old predator advice on how to seduce and mold a 14 year old girl. It's just not going to happen. We don't condone illegal activity on this site, and we won't give advice on how to get away with it.

Bottom line, at 14 she's a child. I don't care how mature she is, she's not ready for a serious relationship. At 20 you're an adult, and you should know better than to prey on a child.

If you love her as much as you say you do, and you want to marry her one day, then leave her be until she's at least 18. Let her have the chance to be a child without you molding her just for you. Let her date kids her own age, and if she really is in love with you, that won't change when she's 18. But I'd bet money that 4 years from now she'll be on to someone new. Why? Because she's not mature enough to really know what love is, and it has nothing to do with intelligence, it has everything to do with her being 14. Her brain isn't fully developed yet, and the part of her brain that makes safe choices, and knows the difference between love and a crush, simply isn't developed yet.

You're kidding yourself if you think that she's in love with you. She may say it, but she has not concept about what love is, at least not when it comes to having a relationship.