[KhanJ]

I've been having an affair with a married man for almost 5yrs I've been building this life w this man, a home, memories, am in love with this man, spends mon-frid with me n goes home to his other home for the weekend, his still married, but am getting to a point that am feeling like am breaking I don't know if he's serious when he says he wants to be with me. So my question is, do you think he will leave his wife?

[Wondergirl]

He has been with you -- for five years.

Has he said he will leave his wife?

[Zealous1]

It is so immoral that you are having an affair with someone. Break it off. It was wrong in the beginning, it is wrong now. You are probably infatuated with him, and not really truly in love with him anyway. Do the right thing, for the sake of his family, and for your own self respect.

[KhanJ]

He has been with you -- for five years.

Has he said he will leave his wife?

He's never said it, but he tells me he's not happy w her and wants to be with me, but he's afraid for his kids, but he asks me to be patient but at this point I just don't know what to do or think anymore, what do I do...

[Wondergirl]

He's never said it, but he tells me he's not happy w her and wants to be with me, but he's afraid for his kids, but he asks me to be patient but at this point I just don't know what to do or think anymore, what do I do....

Give him an ultimatum -- he divorces his wife and marries you by March 1, 2013, or you are gone from his life forever.

What's to be afraid of for his kids?

[Oliver2011]

If he decides to leave his wife, how could you ever trust that he won't need someone else on the side when he is with you?

That is what I don't get about people who have affairs. First of all I would never want to be "the other one" because if you become the main one there might be another one. But also the thought that potentially he is going back and having sex with his wife - how do you deal with that part too?

And one last thing to consider - It is possible he is telling you exactly what you want to hear because he is having his cake and eating it to.

[KhanJ]

If he decides to leave his wife, how could you ever trust that he won't need someone else on the side when he is with you?

That is what I don't get about people who have affairs. First of all I would never want to be "the other one" because if you become the main one there might be another one. But also the thought that potentially he is going back and having sex with his wife - how do you deal with that part too?

And one last thing to consider - It is possible he is telling you exactly what you want to hear because he is having his cake and eating it to.

At this point I don't know what to think anymore, I know he loves me, but my biggest question is, is he willing to give it a shot with me, in my opinion his kids will be fine as long as he continues been a good father that his always been. But the financial status, may change n I think that's what he's more afraid of. I know his for me, but I don't know if he believes am for him. Am getting to a point that am hoping the wife finds out to see what he does, but then I stop myself w those evil thoughts cause I know it's really mean to think that

[Wondergirl]

I'm guessing the wife already knows about you. My husband couldn't go a week having an affair, but that I would figure it out. I think most wives would know or at least suspect.

[KhanJ]

I'm guessing the wife already knows about you. My husband couldn't go a week having an affair, but that I would figure it out. I think most wives would know or at least suspect.

I would think so too, am going to say she suspects but there's has not been any blow off bomb yet, she's either ignoring it, or she's having an affair of her own, it's just weird to me how it's been this long and she has not investigated him or something I would, but then again I don't know what's going on, on the other side of the door... I think she knows but has no proof, I would imagine...

[Wondergirl]

Why would she blow his cover? She has all the cookies in her pocket -- the household as mostly stable, the children, a husband who loves her, social security in a marriage, a house, a husband who is a wage earner, sex on the weekends, and freedom all week. What's not to like?

And you are the linchpin that keeps this bliss going, with no real rewards to yourself. All you are doing is aging out of the dating scene with nothing permanent to show for it.

[Oliver2011]

Why would she blow his cover? She has all the cookies in her pocket -- the household as mostly stable, the children, a husband who loves her, social security in a marriage, a house, a husband who is a wage earner, sex on the weekends, and freedom all week. What's not to like?

And you are the linchpin that keeps this bliss going, with no real rewards to yourself. All you are doing is aging out of the dating scene with nothing permanent to show for it.

Excellent point as always. He's got it pretty good as well. The only one who will be left alone and hurt could be KhanJ. This is why I don't get affairs. Well this and the fact that the person has already shown he is willing and able to have affairs.

[airroseice]

@KhanJ Interested post. I'll be concise in my answer. You do realize that he's cheating on his wife with you yes? If he finally decides to leave his wife it will only be a matter of time before he finds another concubine somewhere else. If he cheats with you he will cheat on you. Remember. Good luck.

[talaniman]

Why am I not surprised that the chick on the side is insecure and getting anxious and frustrated?

He must be rich to have a kept woman and a family.

[Plaiboi]

Karma is a bi*ch! I've been on the wrong end of it before and I'd advise you to get away from that man and start doing some good deeds. Karma WILL get you. X