[Elmunkey79]

I am 33 my ex is 23,we've been together for 4 years,2 years living together. She said 6months ago. "She wasn't sure how she felt" I said " it was just a phase" we worked at it & things seemed to go back to normal. We went on holiday & were really happy. I put her doubt down to her being tired as she travels 40 miles round trip everyday. She's went off sex & has been snapping. She hasn't any friends where we live so she started staying at her mums more as its near to her job. Then 2 weeks ago she says "I don't love you like I should,I love you like I love my brother" she's now moved out of the flat we share together. I've gone back to my mums house which is pretty depressing in its self. She was crazy about me this time last year! I've done everything for her & been a perfect boyfriend I honestly have! I loved & still do love her more than anything but she now acts like the 4 years together mean nothing. What do I do? I'm devastated & find it hard to get up in the morning as I have no motivation to do anything! I can just about go to work. I've tried to keep busy but I just hurt so much it's untrue! Any advice from people who have been through a similar thing? Ps the change in her came after she lost a bit of weight but I'm 99% sure there's no one else involved. Thanks!

[teacherjenn4]

She's 23 and has been with you since she was 19. You say she stays with her mom to be closer to work and because she has no friends near where you live. Why wouldn't she be unhappy? At her age, she wants to be out with friends and not commuting so far. What did you two do for fun?

[Elmunkey79]

When I first met her she only wanted to be with me. She wasn't interested in anything else. She is young but ain't the sort of girl that wants to go out all the time. I didn't have any problems when she wanted to stay at friends or having friends stay over. We went cinema & went out to eat a lot I even paid most bills to compensate for her spending a lot of money on petrol.

[teacherjenn4]

When I first met her she only wanted to be with me. She wasn't interested in anything else. She is young but ain't the sort of girl that wants to go out all the time. I didn't have any problems when she wanted to stay at friends or having friends stay over. We went cinema & went out to eat a lot I even paid most bills to compensate for her spending a lot of money on petrol.

She's young and I don't see that you went out with her and her friends. Movies and eating out is fine, but maybe she wants more. Why did you two live so far from her work and friends?

[Elmunkey79]

Because I live in the city. She is from a place in the middle of nowhere. The plan was for her to get a job in city & make friends here. She never did. She only had a couple of friends & didn't really get on with her mum so it made sense to move here. When ever I said " let's go out" she was more happy staying in watching a movie. She hated living at her mums until her mum split up with her partner. But as soon as her mum meets someone else her mum will drop her like a stone.

[teacherjenn4]

Because I live in the city. She is from a place in the middle of nowhere. The plan was for her to get a job in city & make friends here. She never did. She only had a couple of friends & didn't really get on with her mum so it made sense to move here. When ever I said " let's go out" she was more happy staying in watching a movie. She hated living at her mums until her mum split up with her partner. But as soon as her mum meets someone else her mum will drop her like a stone.

At this point, you need to move on with your life and try to find things to keep your mind off this. Do some volunteer work, hang out with friends...

[Elmunkey79]

Thanks for advice.

[Jiser]

I am going through my second breakup. Hurts like hell. My advise:

1) Immediately remove all contat information of your ex. FB, telephone numbers, twitter anything.
2) Remove all reminders of your ex
3) Go no contact
4) Plan the next few weeks of your life out. Stay busy, even if it means going to the gym alone at least your doing something where you can keep your mind occupied.
5) Embrace the pain and forgive your ex
6) Reconnect with old friends, catch up and make plans to catch up again.
7) Pamper yourself a bit and do the things which make you happy. Things which made you relax and be happy before your ex
8) Arrange something to look forward to
9) When your not busy organise your time so you have something to do rather than moping about watching TV alone

[Elmunkey79]

Thanks,it's pretty hard as most of my friends are married or in relationships also I have to clear my flat as I'm moving out next month. Everything in that flat reminds me of her. I'm also off work at Xmas for 2weeks. We were going to spend that time together. Now I'll be at my parents with not much to do. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself & sound pathetic but I just hurt like hell. I honestly thought I'd marry & have a family with this girl. She now won't even speak to me. I even dream about her then wake up feeling really depressed. Ain't got a clue what I'm going to do.

[Jiser]

Thanks,it's pretty hard as most of my friends are married or in relationships also I have to clear my flat as I'm moving out next month. Everything in that flat reminds me of her. I'm also off work at Xmas for 2weeks. We were gonna spend that time together. Now I'll be at my parents with not much to do. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself & sound pathetic but I just hurt like hell. I honestly thought I'd marry & have a family with this girl. She now won't even speak to me. I even dream about her then wake up feeling really depressed. Ain't got a clue what I'm gonna do.

As much as I want to contact or see my ex its not healthy. She does not care. She wants nothing to do with me. She wanted you out of your life so give it to her. She's probably doing someone else now. So be the man you are and move on and go no contact.

It sucks I am spending Xmas without a partner whilst everyone I know has somebody. So spoil yourself. Learn a new skill. Crucially stay busy! Very busy so you can't think of her.

[Elmunkey79]

Thanks,everyone's advice is much appreciated.

[snakenath]

You mentioned at the end there that it all started to happen when she lost some weight. I think this is the way with a lot of people as my ex too went a similar way. She was in her mind over weight when I met her and had low confidence, I too had low confidence and we were good for each other and made each other feel great but after she lost several stone she regained her confidence and it was like I was obsolete. Her attitude changed as her confidence grew and along with making lots of new friends when returning to uni and going through a career change it began to make it seem as though I wasn't needed anymore no matter how much I tried to be there for her. I don't know if that kind of thing sounds familiar to you but I'm a great believer in that some people change when their life style changes and a person who once perhaps found comfort in their partner and required support from them can then end up becoming someone that doesn't need anyone and can find it easy to cast aside that person that has been there for them the most.

[Elmunkey79]

That's sounds very familiar! She started night school & made friends & her attitude changed. She obviously doesn't need me anymore. I've served my purpose to support her through a lot of big things that've happened in her life,now I'm chucked on the scrap heap! She had very low confidence when we got together that's probably the reason she got with me,looking back now. It's just hard to take as I loved her more than anything & now it's gone. Like I imagined the last 4 years. Gutted ain't the word I'm feeling right now.

[Zealous1]

I'm going through the same thing, only my ex left me for someone else. That's even worse than what you're going through. What I've learned is that it is good that it happened. It is good because if I would have married this girl, or if you would have married her, they would have left us after marriage. That is the kind of person they are. They are dirty filthy ugly people inside, and we don't need them to be happy. We want good people in our lives who are principled and have respect for us and themselves. These kind of girls are everywhere, and they are a plague to good guys like us. We need to be more selective of the girls we involve ourselves with. Very selective indeed, so that stuff like this doesn't happen again. We really REALLY need to get to know someone before we put our heart out there. What you have to do to get over the pain is get online and read read read ebooks, websites, etc about how to get over a break up. Trust me, it helps. It also helps to do a pro/con list and think logically and objectively about things--don't consult your feelings. Hope this helps

[Elmunkey79]

Thanks a lot for advice mate. I know you are spot on but I just miss her plus I can't afford the rent on my own so I have to go back to my parents for a while,which isn't cool. I went back to flat yesterday & she'd taken all her stuff. She didn't even tell me about it & it crushed me. I have been reading all the blogs on getting over ex's really hope it helps me as I feel like I have nothing at the moment.