[Helpme4321]

We have been together for three years and we both said the other was the best thing that ever happened. He was always so sweet, told me he loved me all the time and one day it just stopped. I ask him about it and he just says things like it's not a fantasy and rolls his eyes. He's tired and comfortable. I understand being comfortable and tired but that's not an excuse. An I love you once in a while or hug or kiss would be nice. I'm not asking for the world just some sign that this relationship is worth staying in that's all. Actions speak louder than words and I wouldn't need to hear it if he showed me that he loved me.

[Wondergirl]

Maybe he thinks he is showing you he loves you by other things he does, things he thinks are worthwhile and important.

[Helpme4321]

That's just it, he doesn't do other things to show me he loves me ever. It's not just that he doesn't say it or show it but he never wants to have sex either. That's a problem in and of itself.

[Wondergirl]

He has no job? He doesn't take care of the cars? He doesn't grocery shop? He is a vegetable?

[Helpme4321]

Yes he has a job but no he doesn't take care of anything. Doesn't clean doesn't grocery shop, doesn't do laundry doesn't take care of the kids. I just don't know. He lays in bed and watches TV and if I ask him to sit in the living room while I fold laundry or clean it's like a chore to him.

[Wondergirl]

Name three good things about him to make him worth keeping around.

[Kahani Punjab]

Help Me (4321),

First of all, I welcome you to this beautiful and wonderful site!

Time is a great healer. He must have been throough some drepression period. Listen to him, counsel him, try to be with him. Ask him what is the problem? Say, I am here for you, dear, do not be small. Everything will be in order. He will feel confident and I hope he will come to terms with life, and will start the life afresh. Just relax. Do not worry. Neither such things happen in a jiffy, nor they go on for ever. Every thing, every problem has a solution.


Good luck!
Go, and talk to him, he must be waiting for you. Tell (me, here) what he says.

[Helpme4321]

That's tough and sad!! I would say he's laid back and doesn't argue or get mad over stupid things but at this point I feel like he's too laid back and just doesn't care about anything

I try to talk to him. I always tell him I am hear for him. I love him so much and I want to know what's wrong. I can understand all of that but any time I ask what's wrong he says nothing and gets mad. He is always joking and smiling and an otherwise happy guy he just doesn't seem to want anything to do with me.

[Wondergirl]

I try to talk to him. I always tell him I am hear for him. I love him so much and I want to know what's wrong. I can understand all of that but any time I ask what's wrong he says nothing and gets mad. He is always joking and smiling and an otherwise happy guy he just doesn't seem to want anything to do with me.

No, it's not that he doesn't want anything to do with you. He just doesn't want the constant questions/complaints and hassle. He wants life to move along smoothly with work and play and you two just interacting normally and not making him feel guilty about anything.

[Kahani Punjab]

Men never like their partners telling them that they have some problem. Women take them as someone's who have some sort of trouble, and make efforts or suggest ways to deal with the same, sort these out, but men take this tendency of the 'lady' as a tool to underestimate them and something like doubting their capability. So, they tend to ignore, but persistent efforts by women make them be bad at their (female) partner.

So, I would only like you to relax. He might recuperate, in a short while. Just relax and wait.

[talaniman]

You sound like you don't have a life that you enjoy with out him.

[Helpme4321]

All very good answers! Thanks! The only problem is that I've been waiting for almost a year and I only brought it up twice and when he finally understood what I was talking about be said I know I'm sorry but nothing changed. I guess it's more of a feeling I get than anything else. I think when you love someone that much you can feel it without saying anything... and we had that at one point. I don't know.

[talaniman]

Many things can get in the way of couple communicating well. That why it take so long, and is a difficult thing to do.

It's a process that takes time. Keep talking and never assume he undertands completely what you mean. Even if he says he does.

What about that life you enjoy without him?

[Helpme4321]

Many things can get in the way of couple communicating well. That why it take so long, and is a difficult thing to do.

Its a process that takes time. Keep talking and never assume he undertands completely what you mean. Even if he says he does.

What about that life you enjoy without him?

I enjoy my life together and not together. The problem with talking to him is that he doesn't seem to care or want to hear it. I just don't feel like he is telling me everything about the way he feels.

[talaniman]

Maybe he has but you FEEL there is more. If you are right, then let him come to you about it at his own pace. You can't force the innermost workings of a person to come out to satisfy YOUR feelings can you? Should you?

This thread started about demonstrating more intimacy and caring toward you, so I must ask was he always like he is now?

Bet he IS saying I love you, but not in ways you acknowledge or understand. Love to hear his perspective in his own words. Couples make adjustments over time, sometime smoothly, most times NOT so smoothly.

Sometime you have to work with what you have, and get what you need, and not just what you want. Not strange for guys to be short on words.

[Helpme4321]

To satisfy my own feelings? I'm sorry but I really feel, at this point, that my feelings don't matter. Truthfully I already know. I caught him on dating sites and talking to other girls via email and text. I guess it's over and I'm just not ready to admit it. It's time I am honest with myself since he won't be with me. I'm not stupid just stalling I guess.

[Wondergirl]

I caught him on dating sites and talking to other girls via email and text. I guess it's over and I'm just not ready to admit it. It's time I am honest with myself since he won't be with me. I'm not stupid just stalling I guess.

Why did you wait until now to give us this very important information? Our responses would have been very different had we known this.

[Helpme4321]

One word... denial

[SweetPea95]

Okay... I've had my share in guys... a bunch of them low lifes. But... does he like to do anything like guy stuff... mud bogging, fishing, shooting, video games... anything?

[Helpme4321]

Yes he likes guys stuff. Sports, fishing etc