[Sami218]

I have this friend and she is straight, I have known her for many years now and have suddenly developed feelings for her. It's really hard for me because I always thought I was straight but the feelings I have for this woman are very strong. What do I do, I just can't help it and I don't want to lose our friendship if I tell her how I feel. I need help

[tickle]

Take a chance, almost everything in life is based on chance, and tell her how you feel.

[Cat1864]

Is she in a relationship or just out of one? If so, you either continue to be her friend or you walk away until you can handle your emotions.

If she is single and isn't trying to get over a break-up, talk to her. Find out what her beliefs about bi-sexuality and homosexuality are. If she is against even the concept of same sex couples, then you should probably not ask her out. If she is okay with the concept, see if she might be willing to go out with you for lunch or a coffee as something different from a friend.

Personally, I don't like labeling a person's sexuality because most of us do not fit in one neatly labeled box. While you both might find males generally more appealing for many different reasons including tradition and conditioning, it doesn't mean that you might not find a female with whom you are attracted to as a friend and romantic interests.

I don't know if you really love this female or if you are mistaking a very deep feeling of friendship for romantic feelings of love. I would be careful of speaking of feelings until after you have a chance to know more about her in a dating context. Our behaviors tend to change when we are in relationships and how she acts as a 'friend' may be very different than how she acts a 'girlfriend'.

Good luck.

[Sami218]

Thank you for the replys. Yes this woman is in a relationship but her partner doesn't treat her right and they are always yelling and fighting. Could my feelings be more protective of my friend in thinking she deserves better. Cos I think to myself when I see this that I would never hurt her in that way and she deserves to be with someone who can give her the world. Also as a friend do I have a right to sit down and talk to her about how I see her relationship not mentioning my feelings for her but to tell her I'm worried about her.

[Cat1864]

Thank you for the replys. Yes this woman is in a relationship but her partner doesn't treat her right and they are always yelling and fighting. Could my feelings be more protective of my friend in thinking she deserves better. Cos I think to myself when I see this that I would never hurt her in that way and she deserves to be with someone who can give her the world. Also as a friend do I have a right to sit down and talk to her about how I see her relationship not mentioning my feelings for her but to tell her I'm worried about her.

It could be that your mind is interpreting the love for a friend and wanting to protect her as more than friendship. It is something for you to consider.

If you have a close friendship, you can be honest with her about your concerns over her safety and well-being. However, don't try to make her see the situation the way you do. Trying too hard to make her face the issues in her relationship could backfire. Be open to listening to her if she needs a shoulder, but understand that any decisions she makes have to be her own.

Be honest with her if she asks you any questions but do what you can to remain neutral. Staying as neutral as possible can help keep her from lashing out at you when he is the one causing the upset. You don't want to become the target of misplaced anger. You also do not want to become her crutch. She has to be able to remember how to trust herself and her own judgment or she won't be able to do what is best for her.

Be careful that you don't attempt to influence her thinking and decisions because of your own feelings and desires.