[smiley80]

My hubby and I have been married for 20 years and have always had a wonderful sex life.. but recetnly as in the last year or so his sex drive has slowed way down.. I know he's getting older and it happens what I don't understand is that he watches porn (which I do not at all have a problem with and we watch together and apart ) and looks at beautiful naked women on the net which I also do not have a problem with what I don't understand is I will let him know sometimes very blatantly that I want it.. need it sometimes even and he is just plainly not interested in sex with me

Just to add a bit more when we do have sex it is amazing.. we are always exploring new things and spicing it up.. I'm in that place where it seems I am always wanting it and maybe I'm just becoming an irritation.. but when I am so in the mood and in such a state of need for it and he just gets mad and wants to go to bed it makes me angry , sad , hurt,. we have discussions about it but he just says there's nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with him and if I push for reasons he becomes angry and things just blow up.. I just don't know what to do I do masturbate and that helps with the physical need but what about the intimacy of human touch ? I'm not skinny minny miss perfect like the women that he looks at but I am still attractive and do still get attention from other men but it makes me feel very unattractive when he rejects me.. I've never had to experience this with him before.. I know he isn't cheating so please don't go there.. he just doesn't seem as interested in sex...

[CravenMorhead]

How is his health? What is his life like? Stressful? Exhausting? What reason do you think there is that his libido could have dropped?

Porn and wanking is scratching an itch. It isn't sex and doesn't even register as sex to the male mind. It is just clearing the tubes. A personal moment to the man to release some pressure. There are not expectations of having to be concerned with the welfare of others or anything like that. It's just him and his red right hand. It isn't a reflection of any dissatisfaction with you. It is that men at visual creatures and when they need a little release... well they just need the see of fantasy.

I would get him checked out by the doctor and make sure he is healthy.

[smoothy]

How old is he? Big difference if he's 38 than if he's 68.

Watching porn to a guy is like a woman watching a chick flick.

He might be completely impotent... but he is still going to like to see a naked woman.

So in a nutshell... Seeing naked female does not always need to result in having sex or even wanking offf into a sock.

And as was suggested... If he's not had an annual physical.. its time he got one and mention this to his doctor... there are a lot of things that can be at play here... that he may not even be aware of.

[halelc0]

I have the same problem I have been married 20 years and been with my husband 22 years, over the last 6 months things seem to have changed drastically. We used to have sex 2-3 times a month now it has been twice in 6 months. He has recently started up his own business (beginning of July) so I understand the stress of finding work is a strain. But where as he used to initiate sex, it has stopped, I have tried initiating it but all I get is (I just don't fancy it) when I ask why he says I don't know. Which doesn't help me whatsoever... I have also gone through the he is having an affair situation, but to be honest he works so much I don't think he would have time. I put on make up every day I have not put on weight (I am 5ft 8 and weigh 9 1/5 stone) The house is clean etc I bake him cakes, now it is at the stage where I don't know how long I can keep up this embarrassing lie that everything is perfect. It makes me feel alone/rejected/ugly a loser and my confidence is now rock bottom. I have no answers it what to do next, but I cannot live another 6 months with no sex??

[halelc0]

Just a quick update I actually asked him this morning why he doesn't want sex anymore and he answered he doesn't know (thats helpful) when I tried to get him to talk he went on the defensive and said he didn't think there was a problem?

[CravenMorhead]

IT might be best to post this as your own thread instead of hijacking this current thread. From what I can tell Porn, the central issue of this thread, isn't a factor in your case.

I ask this for two reasons:
1). So that the people reading and helping the original poster of this thread can continue to focus on her and her problems.
2). So you can get our undivided attention and help you with your issue.

[backpack2389]

I think having your husband get a full physical is a fantastic idea. I also think Sex = Effort. Maybe with age he just doesn't have the drive or energy to do it very often. Maybe he's become just plain lazy. You seem to communicate that you're practically desperate for sex. But maybe try a different tactic for a bit. Have you tried playing hard to get at all? It could boost his feelings of being attractive and wanted if you 'can't help but give in to his asking for sex.' Just an idea.

[halelc0]

Thank you for your comment, I have actually approached the doctor idea which fell on whatever book it if u want to, which I then knew there would be no way he would attend, playing hard to get other than saying that he might as well move on as I have (not) didn't make the slightest bit of difference sadly. Im feeling more recentful by the week at the moment

[wantitall]

Im in a very ltr/engaged and my man isn't interested much anymore either. And I don't know what to do about it, either. But its driving me crazy and has caused me to enter into a depression (along with other things) I don't want a sexless relationship either, but that seems where this is headed. He is pretty mad at me that I would bring it up and if he doesn't break up with me, I may be breaking up with him eventually... If we can't communicate any better or come up with a solution , I don't see how we can continue this. I don't have any advice. Im searching for answers myself... but so you know, you're not alone...

Ps. Just so you know, we do watch porn together... but I often wonder is he not wackin it off to porn when Im not there and there is just nothing left for me when I get there. I usually only see him on the weekend. I suffer from all the negative feeling this causes for me as well...

[halelc0]

Thank you for being there, I have just had a heart to heart 2 days ago with my husband, I don't know your situation but but after actually listening to my husband after 20 years have realised yes I have accused him of cheating all the time (my insecurities not his) he is majorly suffering from depression I know I have been there 8 years ago so at the moment Im just going to give him his space and see what happens... I have now gone 7 months with no physical contact other than myself kissing him goodbye after he has turned up here for tea... I know but at least I get to see him I have now sussed out he Isn't seeing anyone else which I first believed again my paranoia NO I'm not naïve but I have taken a step back (For once in my life) and looked on it from his point of view (that was hard) the reality for me was things isn't always what they seem 1) don't be paranoid from your actions, 2) Yes you will be for a while 3) get over it and look from there point of view xxx good luck

[janddferg]

It's funny how men and women seem to rationalize what's going on. What I have going on is similar, but to a 10-year plus extreme. I was a very fit person, natually. Then I had to exercise after kids. He had gained at least 50 to 60 pounds more than me, blood pressure pills, drinking with the buddies. I've asked nicely, slowly, mad, quit for a while -- months. Then his new phone, which gets internet, he will not give me the password, not even when I left my phone a hundred miles back to call the restaurant to see if I left it. '

I make double to triple what he makes finacially and put it in his face at first because I was so mad when he would clean a bathroom and then went golfing. So I turned it around and built him up for what he was providing which really was a lot. More than a lot. He was giving the kids what I couldn't. I was almost jealous, and I told him that. ]

There's a lot of corners to everyone's pictures, and there's a lot of counselors. When neither side will divulge all their reasons and corners, who's going to get answers? Spend it on counselors or divorce, get remarried, and start a different process over. Guess what. You can get married again and have a new set of problems -- drug abuse, child abuse, etc.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm a court reporter now. I've sat in court all day for eight years and listen to all this all day long. 90 percent of the time, people get the divorce and actually hook up in the hallway with another unhappy person.

If you're thinking of getting a divorce because you can't solve problems in your house, you should sit in family law for a week. And look at the things people are fighting over and fighting for. People will fight over a picture frame and end up with some else's favorite fork.

I may have problems in the marriage, but I'll work them out for the next 10, 50 years. In fact, if I have to take that porn phone and smash it, you'll find me in domestic violence court saying I'm sorry that he's sorry.