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New Member
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Oct 21, 2012, 03:12 PM
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Why porn and not me?
We have been married for almost two years. The first year he was deployed and came home this April. We then got our own place 4 months ago and have had sex maybe 4 times since we moved in. When he came home we had sex every other week or so. Before he left we were young horny teenagers. We are both 21 years old. He has completely lost all interest in sleeping with me.
I feel like I'm becoming desperate. I have to practically beg to get a maybe and then nothing happens. He doesn't work just goes to school. I work and go to school. I'm the stressed one and yet I feel the need to be physical with him and he doesn't. I feel rejected, ugly and myself esteem is rock bottom. We act like friends or roommates not like a married couple. His answer to the situation is "I don't know". I don't care that he watches porn but I saw he has been doing it everyday which is probably why he feels satisfied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship.
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current pert
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Oct 21, 2012, 04:38 PM
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Somehow you have to put feeling ugly and rejected on hold while you find a non-confrontational way to talk to him. If this is endangering your very marriage, you need to say so, but quietly, calmly. You deserve to know what is going on in his mind, but you aren't going to get results unless you can draw him out and promise him you will just listen and not judge, even while he explains (hopefully) what it is he gets from porn that he doesn't get from you (maybe something that started when he was deployed). Plan your question and don't make it a speech, make it a small series of questions that you just want and need to know - and then just listen.
If he won't talk, you have to decide what your next step will be. Pestering him will just drag the marriage down faster. But you might have to leave.
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Expert
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Oct 21, 2012, 04:47 PM
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Your problem is not a lack of sex, but a glaring lack of communications. "I don't know" is not an answer but a warning that something else is going on in his head. Trust me, there is a bigger issue going on here.
Are you on birth control? What are his college courses like? Where was he deployed to? A lack of sex is a disconnect of the minds, not the bodies, and if you let yourself be distracted by the lack of sex, and not deal with the lack of communicating, then you miss the opportunity to get to the bottom of this.
Pick a time, go out and reconnect and talk.
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New Member
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Nov 3, 2012, 08:07 AM
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You unerstand that porn will never give him the one thing YOU'RE sure he ultimately needs... love. Ask yourself.. does he really love me, does he really want to be with me. Often times people are too emotionally attached to see clearly. If he TRUELLY love you and wants to be with you... then this porn phase will be just that... a phase. Because like I said, he can't find love and/or happiness in front of a screen. If you two have real and true love, he will soon be watching you and not the screen.
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